To ask why parents let their kids do this?!

[MustardScreams]

Took dd out for lunch today to a lovely little cafe, geared up for kiddies (playroom, good kids food) as a treat as I haven’t been well, and work full time so we never have a week-day off together.

There was a little girl (the only other child there at that point) around 4/5 with no parents in sight and she saw me playing with dd and latched on. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I really just wanted to spend time with my child. We couldn’t shake her off, and I couldn’t find her parent/guardian anywhere. Surely if you’re taking your kid out for lunch or whatever a) you keep an eye on them and b) you don’t let them harass other families?!

I don't necessarily think that parents are "slacking off". When I take DD (who is 4-5) to softplay I don't need to follow her around! Although I do always keep an eye out and if she latched on to another adult (which she hasn't) then I'd guess that she'd want some company and go and join her.

I do understand your annoyance but not enough that you needed to post about it.

I hope your irritance wasn't obvious to the child as that would be unkind of you.

If she latched on while you were playing in the designated play area then I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh. Aren't those areas just for the kids themselves, so that the adults can eat in peace?

I also think that if you couldn't find her parents anywhere (how big is the cafe?) then you should have mentioned it to the cafe owners as she may have been left there for some reason.

Having said that, I can understand why you were irritated.

I would have found it annoying too. It happens to me all the time at soft play, I just send the kids back to parents or give their parents a shout now. I have two very young kids of my own and have my hands full, I have absolutely no desire to manage yet another child when I am out and about especially one that is not my own. I can at least tell mine off but other people get in a huff if you tell their precious darlings off, get off your useless backside then and take care of your own kid. The only unreasonable thing you did was not alerting staff that you couldn't see an adult around the child and that is purely from a safeguarding point of view.

I think I’m still fully within the toddler years also - I do need to be near dd at all times to keep an eye. So maybe am slightly judgemental because I haven’t parented an older child that doesn’t need that level of supervision.

If dd has happily been playing with her it wouldn’t have bothered me in the slightest. It’s when a kid is climbing up me to see the picture I’m showing dd I start to think where the chuff are your parents?!!

yes, I agree that in that instance her parent should have stepped in. Fine if they can see their DD playing nicely with another child in the play area, but she shouldn't be allowed to bother anyone.

So a child wanted to play with your child. and you call that harassment?

In this modern world, where children often only get to play with other children if the parents have made a play date, what are parents supposed to do to find other children for their children to play with? As a grandmother I take my dgd to the park or somewhere like you describe, OP, so she can find someone to play with.

I'm sorry about your illness, by the way. I hope you are making a full recovery.

The op wasnt at softplay though.A cafe is different,she should be able to eat in peace without having to supervise another child.

How did you get rid of the child when you went to leave.

Yanbu. Ar 4-5 years old DC don't need the same level of supervision however it's very lazy parenting to leave your LO in the care of another adult.

We had this on holiday. A DC slightly younger than ours came over by the poolside, no parents in sight. When I asked him where his grown ups they were having a lovely sunbathe out of sight. I told him he need to go back to his parents but he didn't listen. I went to go over and the DM came over, I thought to collect her LO. Cheeky cah went to leave her child's drink and go back to her sunlounger. I followed with her child and said it wasn't ok to leave them with us. He was a lovely child but I want to spend time with my DC first and foremost. No regrets.

I like children and am happy to shoot the breeze and chat for a few minutes. I'd never leave my DC with strangers and I didn't want others to decide for me that their DC are ok to be supervised by me.

YANBU! She might be a child but she's also a random stranger you didn't invite to have lunch with you.

The worst is when they come over and simply stare at you. It's creepy.

Could the child be the child of a staff member or owner of the cafe? She sounds quite confident so is maybe there a lot and likes talking to people. I think if you go somewhere like this you need to expect other children to try and interact with you and your child, same as a park or softplay place. Maybe you should have gone somewhere a bit quieter if you wanted it to be just you and dd?

YANBU it drives me mad too.

I recently went to a Hen Do and the day part was at a trampoline park.

So we were a group of 15 adult women.

A 9ish year old boy started jumping with our group and challenged one of the group to a race on the obstacle course bit. She took pity and said yes. Then we couldn't shake him off at all.

We even asked who are you here with. He said his dad so we sent him back to his dad. He then reappeared saying the dad said he'd buy us drinks if we played with him!

(Dad was sat in the cafe)

Who wants their 9yo son on a hen do?!

I sympathise with you op. It doesn’t really matter what the

Reasons are why this kid was alone. It doesn’t make it your responsibility..

Dunno what happened there 😂

I have no issue with children who come over and want to play with DS. However they often latch onto me and chatter non stop. I won't ignore my DS to entertain someone else's child.

Could the child be the child of a staff member or owner of the cafe? She sounds quite confident so is maybe there a lot and likes talking to people. I think if you go somewhere like this you need to expect other children to try and interact with you and your child, same as a park or softplay place. Maybe you should have gone somewhere a bit quieter if you wanted it to be just you and dd?
@Lovemusic33
Why should the op change her plans because someone cant be arsed looking after their own dc.And anyway the op isnt psychic,she didnt know there was going to be a feral child annoying her.

4/5 year old is fine to be unsupervised in a playroom.

If you didn't want to play you should have sent her to play with something else.

YANBU. You don't need to justify wanting to spend time alone with your own child.

It's different if you wanted her company but even then, it's not good that the parents were nowhere to be seen and their child was chatting away to a stranger.

Unless the place was massive, it's a worry that you couldn't spot her parents. I would definitely have asked a member of staff if they knew she was alone.

YANBU. Why shouldn’t you spend time with your own child, you shouldn’t have to justify or defend that.

I’m surprised no body has commented on a small child wandering around a cafe on her own, mine always had to sit down and not wander off, there are hot drinks!

It not just in play areas that parents don’t keep an eye on their kids. I once had to lift up a neighbours 2 year old who fell off his “sit and ride” in the middle of the road (not a main road, but a fairly busy access road). A car had to break to avoid him, as he had apparently just taken off from the pavement without looking to see if anything was coming. I only came out of my yard to see what had happened, as I heard the car horn blaring. The car driver started swearing at me and telling me off for letting my child out alone. Even though I shouted that it wasn’t my child I don’t think he believed me and said he would be calling the police. I did say go ahead and pointed out the boy’s house.
I had to bang on his parent’s door and then open it to shout on his mother. She eventually came to the door, in her dressing gown with a face like fizz. When I said what had happened she just said her 5 year old was supposed to be looking after him while she had a bath!! I told her the driver was going to call the police and she just said that I had better not have told him where he stayed! He was back out again the next evening, again with no one looking after him.

I asked her where her parents were and it was time for her to go back to them.

4/5 is still an age where you cannot expect a child to pick up on hints. I think you needed to be a lot clearer that you expected her to leave you alone.
Perhaps she was a child of a member of staff.
If you wanted alone time with your DD, taking her to a place popular with kids wasn't the best idea.

YANBU, I would of found that annoying too. Recently I was out with my DC, we Went crabbing and a boy of about 8-9 started watching us, & then said ‘can I show you how to do it’ ‘can I have a go on your line’ ‘can I use your bucket’ etc etc I let him have a go as my DC had lost interest by that point but then when I said I’m leaving now he tried to keep all my stuff!

What's the point in complaining here when you could have complained to staff and they could have dealt with the problem? You could have just told her to go away @MustardScreams

YANBU, I hate this. It is just so lazy.

We go to a cafe / soft play place occasionally with SIL and her DC (6 and 4). I'm usually gracefully clambering about the place with DS who isn't quite 2 yet and she watches her kids from just outside and walks around so she can see them. They don't need direct supervision but you need to make sure they are okay. It's not hard or even inconvenient to do that.

Yet there are always other parents who leave their kids there and bugger off to the cafe area without so much as checking on them. I think people really do think other parents just act as free childcare for the whole play area.

OP nobody asked you to look after that kid. You could have told the kid you wanted to play with your child alone!

My son likes to play with other children at the play areas and would probably go up to a family like that. I do watch him/play with him but I don't think you should be saying that the child is "harrassing" you and i hope you didn't say this to the child. Fair enough that you wanted one on one with your child but I don't think you can expect a five year old to get this. Parents might have been seating and watching and didn't realise their child was harrassing you. Maybe they thought they were you know playing in a play area.