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Original poster

Child maintenance from rich ex boyfriend

772 replies

Hanny3 · 05/09/2019 10:52

I recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I'm no longer together with the father. I will be raising the child by myself as the father doesn't won't anything to do with the child.

He has said he will pay child maintenance. He's a very rich guy and comes from a very rich family. He said to me when where together that he earned £15,000 per month after tax (by working for his dad) and that he had other incomes from his investments. He also has a large personal fortune.

He has said he will pay £1,273 a month in child maintenance. He claims that is the maximum he has to pay according to law.

I'm a student and don't have much money. I have asked if he would be willing to pay more the first two years so I can really focus on finishing my studies. He said no.

My mom and my friends are telling my if I take it to court I would get more per month, and are encouraging me to do so. My ex on the other hand says I would get less if I take it to court.

So I was wondering if anyone knows if I would get more per month if I took it to court? And I'm I totally unreasonable if I think he should pay more the first two years while I'm a student?

OP posts:
YDraig · 05/09/2019 12:34

You will also get benefit (universal credit) on that income as CM is not taken into account.
I don’t know much about rents in London but £1200+ benefits + potentially student funding as well.
I think you’d be under 2 bedroom LHA for housing benefit which is about £200 a week towards your rent in London. Getting a flat (1-2 bed) on £800 a month would be tight I think but doable if you lived on the outskirts of London rather than central.
You’d still have whatever student finance pays you, £1200 and universal credit of about £600 a month as well. Not a bad income.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 12:37

@Nosquirrels he isn't though. He may be paying for rent, food, clothing. But children cost more than that. Mum is doing half the washing, ironing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, homework, emotional support, potty training, nursing etc etc. This all comes with a cost of time. If Dad does not want to use his own time to do his share of these things then he needs to outsource it and pay.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:38

So what we’ve learnt from this thread is that most exes don’t pay enough in maintenance
Some women who don’t get enough justify this by bringing other women down, calling them greedy for hoping for a liveable amount of maintenance
What a load of bollocks

no, weve learnt that op will get quite a bit of maintenance, and still wants more to support HER lifestyle which isn't what CM is for.

We've also learnt that milking someone for their money isn't quite as easy as op had hoped it would be.

gorrisandhorace · 05/09/2019 12:40

Absa-bloody-lutely he needs to pay to outsource if he doesn’t take the time
A nanny in central London is paid around 600pw.
She gets to go home!
When did we attach such little importance to raising children?

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:40

But children cost more than that. Mum is doing half the washing, ironing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, homework, emotional support, potty training, nursing etc etc. This all comes with a cost of time. If Dad does not want to use his own time to do his share of these things then he needs to outsource it and pay

considering he didn't want the child, and op knew that, I think she has to accept that its on her to do everything for her child physically.

if she wasn't happy with that she shouldn't have continued with the pregnancy. You cant force someone to be involved. He is paying what he is being told to.

Maybe you need to rally against the CMS if you also think RPs should be paid for doing their own housework Hmm

gorrisandhorace · 05/09/2019 12:40

I feel I should be paid for doing my exes share of the children’s housework Grin

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:41

newsflash! you don't get paid for being a parent.

pikapikachu · 05/09/2019 12:41

Once you get to 6 figures, there's a limit to child maintenance of that amount. So he could earn 150k or 5million per month and it would still be £1273.

The extra that you asked for could have been applicable if you'd been married but isn't in your case. Don't waste money on court because as an unmarried mother, you're only able to get the child maintenance payment (£1273) and no more. Even if you were together for decades, you'd not get any extra as there's no-such thing as a common law wife in England.

Your choices imo are

  • investigate whether you can transfer your university to a cheaper city.
  • see if you can cut costs (I get that it's harder to houseshare with a baby but there could be another single mum who is in your position and sharing is cheaper?)

I really wouldn't take him to court. There are loopholes that self-employed men can use where they can make their income seem like £100pw so they pay £0-£5pw and as a rich guy, he can have an accountant do this for him very easily. Take the £1273 imo.

babbez · 05/09/2019 12:42

Yes @Bonjourfreddie

I wonder what OP will use her £1.2K to pay for. You already get the maximum maintenance loan and 85% of your childcare is paid for.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 12:42

@bonjourfreddie nope what we've learned is that it is OK for men to fuck women, get them pregnant, and wash their hands of the resulting child as long as they pay half of food, accommodation and childcare only. And that women are greedy, selfish bitches for expecting men to do more than the bare financial minimum. It's pretty sickening.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2019 12:43

@gorrisandhorace
What he is offering is a livable amount of maintenance.
It's what is recommended and he is willing to pay it!
What any of us got is neither here nor there.
She wants this baby and she has to support it.
She cannot solely rely on the father because he is 'rich'
They were never together and never married so no spousal maintenance is expected. As it shouldn't be.
It just doesn't work like that!
She has to learn to support her own baby is she wants to keep it.
It is up to him to pay the correct amount of child maintenance which is exactly what he is prepared to do.
So... what are you talking about??????

NeatFreakMama · 05/09/2019 12:44

That's a lot of money he's offered, his wealth is nothing to do with you, he has an obligation to pay for his child and not support you through your studies. Feels grubby to try to get your hands on more of his money.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:44

roly well yes but any of us with brains know that it happens.

If you're not prepared to end up as a single parent, don't have sex. If as a man youre not prepared to be a parent and have to pay, again, don't have sex.

You cannot force anyone to be an involved parent, man or woman.

OP is being greedy, mothers expecting the CMS recommended maintenance is not greedy at all and I don't think anyone has said it is.

NoSquirrels · 05/09/2019 12:44

RolyWatts I totally agree with you. Kids come with a MASSIVE cost that is not just financial. Women bear the brunt of this, absolutely agree 100%. Feel passionately about the inequality of that, in fact.

But the woman makes the choice to have the child, and hopefully has done so with her eyes fully open to the downsides as well as the amazing upsides. The father in this case is being up front - he does not want to be a father, but if she chooses to go ahead he will support the child financially as he is legally obliged to do.

If you think the law needs changing that is a different argument.

And I also 100% support the idea that the OP is entitled to ask him to contribute more, and that wanting to get her studies done in 2 years to a high standard in the university she is currently enrolled at is probably a great idea for her, IF he would pay towards it.

But he won't. So now the OP has more choices to make. Hopefully with her eyes open.

GibbonLover · 05/09/2019 12:45

Having a baby is a choice. Yes. A choice all men make with their dicks.
That’s the risk you take

I'm quite surprised you didn't know this but here in the UK, women can choose whether to continue with a pregnancy or not.

If men make the choice to have children simply by having sex then we can reasonably assume that OP has also chosen to become pregnant. Furthermore, nobody is forcing her to continue with this pregnancy but she has chosen to carry on. This is not something that is happening to her against her will.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:45

oh and it takes 2 people to get pregnant roly

op is equally as responsible for this.

HUZZAH212 · 05/09/2019 12:45

Are you currently working PT? Have you been to speak to a student finance advisor? Have you called into your local job centre to speak to an advisor? Personally I'd be working out exactly how much income I would have disregarding the child maintenance, and then adding that in as a seperate calculation. You need to know what you will have to live on, not what you could have to live on. It's all pie in the sky regarding what courts may/may not award. Concentrate on what you definitely will have to live on first.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 12:45

considering he didn't want the child, and op knew that, I think she has to accept that its on her to do everything for her child physically. can you not see that this is the exact argument mra's use to avoid maintenance?

ethelfleda · 05/09/2019 12:46

YABU
You’re expecting your ex to support both you and your child - a role that might not even be willingly entered in to by a spouse let alone an ex partner. You have to support the baby too. Maybe now is not the right time to study.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:47

roly yes, but im not talking about maintenance so how is that relevant at all?

you can force someone to pay maintenance, because its a legal issue. You cant force someone to be an involved parent and EVEN IF YOU COULD it wouldn't benefit the child.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 12:47

Yes op is equally responsible. In my book equal responsibility means equal consequences. In this case there are very unequal consequences.

CodenameVillanelle · 05/09/2019 12:47

You'd better move to study somewhere else then, where you have family support and/or cheaper rent.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 12:48

roly well yes, he will contribute £1200 a month, op will financially contribute fuck all because shes a jobless student.

she will do all the care, and he will do none (and hes been honest about that from the get go)

swings and roundabouts.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 12:49

you can force someone to pay maintenance, because its a legal issue. You cant force someone to be an involved parent and EVEN IF YOU COULD it wouldn't benefit the child..

And no one is saying that you should force someone to parent a child. But if they do not want to parent a child they should compensate the parent who is parenting the child not just provide the bare minimum.

gorrisandhorace · 05/09/2019 12:51

@gibbonlover no contraceptive is 100% effective.
So if you have sex you risk getting pregnant /getting someone pregnant.
This is just life

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