Child maintenance from rich ex boyfriend

[Hanny3]

I recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I'm no longer together with the father. I will be raising the child by myself as the father doesn't won't anything to do with the child.

He has said he will pay child maintenance. He's a very rich guy and comes from a very rich family. He said to me when where together that he earned £15,000 per month after tax (by working for his dad) and that he had other incomes from his investments. He also has a large personal fortune.

He has said he will pay £1,273 a month in child maintenance. He claims that is the maximum he has to pay according to law.

I'm a student and don't have much money. I have asked if he would be willing to pay more the first two years so I can really focus on finishing my studies. He said no.

My mom and my friends are telling my if I take it to court I would get more per month, and are encouraging me to do so. My ex on the other hand says I would get less if I take it to court.

So I was wondering if anyone knows if I would get more per month if I took it to court? And I'm I totally unreasonable if I think he should pay more the first two years while I'm a student?

how do you know that? every case is different and so is every judge

It is, but in general every case I’ve seen (which is 8 of DH’s colleagues now - 6 men and 2 women) has seen the increase unless there’s significant reason or too.

If he’s not playing a part in the child’s life that increases the likelihood of it as he’s no travel costs, no cost of a space in his home for the child etc

considering this seems like it was a fling and not a LTR and not a marriage, and considering that the child doesn't have an established "lifestyle" that it's used to, i'd be surprised if she got more.

We shall agree to disagree on that one

And if he is in fact threatening to artificially deflate his income, she'll definitely get less, which is why I wouldn't do it.

There’s a difference between “I wouldn’t do this because x, y and z and you shouldn’t do that and be happy with what you get”

You cannot rely on maintenance as a regular income under any circumstances.

That we do agree on.

That’s doesn’t make the OP a money grabber for considering applying for what she could be entitled too. And is why people should be sharing their experience with her without the pile on

As it is I don’t think the OP should go through court because it’s a shit process and isn’t worth the hassle. If he’s determined not to pay more (or anything) he will be enabled by the system to do so.

However, that’s a million miles away from some of the comments on here having a go at the OP

£15k a month is an annual salary of £330k and so in the world of the 'rich' not very rich at all.

The tone and expectation is that op should put up and shut up because she could be getting less if he wanted her to. This is what is disgusting.

This is fact.

Again, I dont make a moral judgement on him or op.

But the above is absolute fact.

whats the alternative? that he is involved even though he doesn't want to and consequently isn't a very good parent anyway? is that better for the child?

The research would suggest that yes, better a child knows a poor parent than not know them at all.

The tone and expectation is that op should put up and shut up because she could be getting less if he wanted her to. This is what is disgusting

Its not an expectation, its friendly advice.

Lots of the women giving it have been fucked over by exs who are hiding their income.

I am not saying its right, and no people shouldn't be able to get away with it, but they do. Children end up with nothing.

Would I ignore the immorality of the whole situation to ensure that my child got over £1200 rather than fuck all? you're damn right I would.

Nobody is saying its acceptable, we're saying it happens and how to avoid it happening.

If you can't be arsed but you are loaded you should not be expecting someone else to look after your child free of charge

nobody gets paid for looking after their own child. HTH.

The research would suggest that yes, better a child knows a poor parent than not know them at all

those of us who have endured shit, none caring parents would disagree. I wish i'd never known my dad at all. It would have been less disappointing and emotionally traumatising, tbh.

If you feel its an unfair amount based on his circumstances then take him to court. Keep in mind all that entails and ensure you research how much you think is reasonable. I am not putting you off just being realistic.

Personally I would be accepting the offer and get it in a legally binding contract.

Regardless of his income and circumstances it is generous and equivalent to a full time wage for alot of people.

The risk by provoking him is that he hides his income, more than possible in his situation. Then you will be left with nothing. It isn't right or moral it's just the way the system seems to be.

My DCs father earned £100k pa + but its all squirrelled away and he's "paid" minimum wage. I get approx £4 a week maintenance and that's only when they have managed to recover it from his earnings. The CMS are useless. I cba to persue it, I've tried and failed, a chap from the CMS acknowledged himself the flaws to the system. The father is no contact, I don't bad mouth him to DCs but they will know for themselves when they are old enough to ask about it.

And please remember the maintenance is child maintenance, for costs towards raising the child not maintenance for you. He has no duty to provide for you as you were not married.

The best thing you can do is make yourself financially independent (finish your degree, get a job etc), save whatever is possible. Then if or when the payments stop, his financial circumstances change or he decides to hide some income or generally act like a knob you are not beholden to him in any way at all.

1/10

Going to court is risky because life very much does not favour lone parents. My ExH should be paying me more but I'm not going to court because it would be very easy for him to manipulate the system to pay me less. Is it right? No. So I make do because I don't have time, energy or money to take him to court for an outcome that may not benefit me.

Look on a thread in line parents as to all the loopholes absent parents can manipulate: Thinking of Abandoning your Wife and Child? Here’s what you need to know. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents/3679155-Thinking-of-Abandoning-your-Wife-and-Child-Here-s-what-you-need-to-know

TheRebelAlliance

15k a month is 180k per annum.

Edit

Fair enough. Before tax

Just because some people have skinflint exes, doesn't mean we should be pathetically grateful when a man actually fulfils his legal minimum obligations to his child. That's the minimum!

What she said! I hate how threads like this always end up with the Pythonesque "But I had to bring up ten kids on tuppence ha'penny" .

Women do not have to be "grateful" for receiving maintenance which is all too often a pitiful fraction of the true costs of child rearing, especially when you factor in the impact that has on the ability to earn decent wages.

@viciousrooster to come out with 15k per month post tax it’s much higher than 180k

Wow I wish I was entitled to this amount of CMS. My entitlement is £7 per week and that's for 2 children. I find it so insulting I haven't even bothered to claim it.

Cross posts

nobody gets paid for looking after their own child. HTH.

I am aware of that. But no one should expect someone else to lose out financially because you can't be arsed looking after your child.

@viciousrooster to come out with 15k per month post tax it’s much higher than 180k

It is £330k, £180k is about £9k a month. I wouldn't say that £330k make you 'very rich" by any means.

£330k probably isn't enough to provide 2 mortgaged homes in London, regardless of any deposit required and so the person who suggest that be may be required to provide a purchase home is not realistic.

The amount of people on here saying "he could not declare his salary and pay less" is a disgrace

It's realistic advice. In an ideal world, CMS would look into assets and there'd be no loopholes for self-employed people but it's best that OP and other women know where they stand. It's good that people have warned OP that she risks £0 maintenance if she rocks the boat.

@ollybjolly

Women do not have to be "grateful" for receiving maintenance which is all too often a pitiful fraction of the true costs of child rearing, especially when you factor in the impact that has on the ability to earn decent wages.

I agree with this wholeheartedly, but sadly the CMS is set in such a way that the high earners and self employed can weedle their way out of their commitments. For as long as that is legal and possible to do, you have to be grateful for the pittance you receive because that's all your going to get. And there is nowt that can be done about it.

@PivotPivotPivottt have you contemplated claiming it anyway? A pittance it may be but should his financial situation ever change you will at least get a more reasonable amount. Even if you claimed it and put it in a savings account for when DCs are older. Just a thought. It is money for your DCs however little it is. I share this thought with you because its what I've ended up doing, having gone through the motions of should I bother to claim it or not etc.

I think the dad is getting a hard time ! He doesn't want a baby

U on the other hand made the decision to keep the baby he didn't because it's not his body! If you didn't want to have a baby u should have used contraceptive because guess what it's your body !
Even if you had had a night where u had forgotten to use any there is always the morning after pill which can be taken up to 72 h after
U don't sound very old this child isn't a golden ticket
U should have done your degree and then had a family with someone who was also wanting a family

I think after this thread all the mums will be having a word with their own sons so the don't fall into this trap!! Yes I said trap

OP - re section 1, just from quick Googling even if you did get an award there is no guarantee you would be awarded legal costs. If he gets £800+per hour lawyers have you got 6 figures laying about?

Yes I said trap

Of the clap variety?