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Original poster

Child maintenance from rich ex boyfriend

772 replies

Hanny3 · 05/09/2019 10:52

I recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I'm no longer together with the father. I will be raising the child by myself as the father doesn't won't anything to do with the child.

He has said he will pay child maintenance. He's a very rich guy and comes from a very rich family. He said to me when where together that he earned £15,000 per month after tax (by working for his dad) and that he had other incomes from his investments. He also has a large personal fortune.

He has said he will pay £1,273 a month in child maintenance. He claims that is the maximum he has to pay according to law.

I'm a student and don't have much money. I have asked if he would be willing to pay more the first two years so I can really focus on finishing my studies. He said no.

My mom and my friends are telling my if I take it to court I would get more per month, and are encouraging me to do so. My ex on the other hand says I would get less if I take it to court.

So I was wondering if anyone knows if I would get more per month if I took it to court? And I'm I totally unreasonable if I think he should pay more the first two years while I'm a student?

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 16:00

he's already threatened to hide his income to reduce maintenance so he's far from perfect, and his offer is being made on the basis that the OP not apply for what would be legally payable on his whole income if she applied for it in the right place

arguably that's just speculation.

Ilikethisone · 05/09/2019 16:03

Also op, get yourself earning as soon as you can.

He could also take you to court for 50:50. He may not get it when the baby is young, but could when the baby is a few years old.

So many reasons RP cant really truly on maintenance coming in every month.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 16:03

No I won't get lost. Walking away from a child you created is a fucking scummy thing to do regardless of how much money you throw it. That child will have to live with the knowledge that their father didn't want them to be born and wanted nothing to do with their upbringing. But you keep on defending him. The amount of people on here saying "he could not declare his salary and pay less" is a disgrace.

Brown76 · 05/09/2019 16:05

I would get legal advice (even if the offer is fair, it wouldn't hurt to know where you stand and perhaps get a written agreement).

In terms of how you survive - maybe you take a year off from your course, go home where you have support, work and save up as much of the child maintenance as you can.

After that, I live in a cheap area of London, you can privately rent a 1 bed here for about £900 a month - you could afford that. Or a 2 bed house or flat and get a housemate in to rent the second room and share the bills. Should be doable.

lyralalala · 05/09/2019 16:05

arguably that's just speculation.

At the very most he’s trying to ensure that the OP doesn’t claim what she’s actually entitled too
So he’s not winning any prizes on the amazing guy front.

He’s no different to the guy on 30k who hides his bonus or the guy on 40k who employs his new wife and pays her part of his salary.

He’s still just another guy attempting to not pay what he’s due too.

Whether the OP is right or wrong to chase more is one thing, he, however, is in the wrong for attempting to dodge his duty to his child.

Ilikethisone · 05/09/2019 16:07

The amount of people on here saying "he could not declare his salary and pay less" is a disgrace.

But it's a fact.

Would you prefer everyone pretends chasing him for more or relying on it, is perfectly financially sound?

lyralalala · 05/09/2019 16:08

Also the fact that people think it’s ok for people on high salaries to dodge maintenance assists with the fact so many men believe they are “ripped off” or “shafted” by maintenance costs.

It’s appalling that so many people hit the “well my ex didn’t pay so you should be happy with anything” line.

I had to fight to get a penny out of my ex and it made me see all men like him as scum. There’s not a cap whereby at

Densol999 · 05/09/2019 16:08

I dont have time to read the thread so not sure if this is mentioned
As he earns more than the maximum gross amount of £3000 per week - you are entitled to apply to the court for various orders including periodical payments over and above the CMS maximum award.
Its under schedule 1 of the CHILDREN ACT
Its basically rich fathers that get caught by this
I wont comment on the morals of this application- Im just stating facts

lyralalala · 05/09/2019 16:09

Would you prefer everyone pretends chasing him for more or relying on it, is perfectly financially sound?

There’s a big difference between “look he should pay more, but he could get out of it by doing x, y or x so think about it carefully” and the “OMG stop being a money grabber” tone in so many of the posts though. A massive difference.

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2019 16:09

The amount of people on here saying "he could not declare his salary and pay less" is a disgrace
WTAF?
WHY????
Men do this all the time.
You only have to look through threads on here to see that the bloke has 'quit his job' and now only cash in hand work.
Or they flee the country
Or the just stop working so they don't have to pay.
It is a disgrace alright - but not us saying it - the men actually doing it!!!!
Believe me - been there and got the t-shirt!

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 16:10

Walking away from a child you created is a fucking scummy thing to do regardless of how much money you throw it.

whats the alternative? that he is involved even though he doesn't want to and consequently isn't a very good parent anyway? is that better for the child?

That child will have to live with the knowledge that their father didn't want them to be born and wanted nothing to do with their upbringing
not neccesarily depending on how op frames it. Him not being involved is better then him being involved and flakey and the child seeing with their own eyes that he doesn't really want anything to do with them

But you keep on defending him. The amount of people on here saying "he could not declare his salary and pay less" is a disgrace

the only thing he is being defended about is being upfront about his feelings - imo much better than going along with something you later go back on, and he is paying what CMS tell him to.

He legally hasn't done anything wrong, morally its questionable but I still think not being involved at all is better than being involved when you don't want to be and being a shit parent.

Banangana · 05/09/2019 16:10

Walking away from a child you created is a fucking scummy thing to do regardless of how much money you throw it.

Do you feel the same about people putting unwanted babies up for adoption?

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 16:10

and he legitimately could go self employed and not declare his income. It could happen. Nobody is saying he should do it, or it would be right.

Ilikethisone · 05/09/2019 16:11

There’s a big difference between “look he should pay more, but he could get out of it by doing x, y or x so think about it carefully” and the “OMG stop being a money grabber” tone in so many of the posts though. A massive difference.

But that's not what you said. You said the amount of people aayo f this was a disgrace.

I havent made a moral judgement on her or him.

Just states facts as they are.

Genderfree · 05/09/2019 16:12

IrmaFayLear-

“Dn worked in a hotel in London, the bar of which was a haunt of a premiership football team. There were literally lines of women hustling to get in to meet these men. The footballers were after a shag; a lot of the women were after a pregnancy. Ker-
IrmaFayLear

Dn worked in a hotel in London, the bar of which was a haunt of a premiership football team. There were literally lines of women hustling to get in to meet these men. The footballers were after a shag; a lot of the women were after a pregnancy. Ker-ching“

Oh your Dn interviewed the women and they admitted it? Yeah ok if you say so.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 16:12

At the very most he’s trying to ensure that the OP doesn’t claim what she’s actually entitled too

no, he's offered to pay op what she's entitled to.

if she thinks she's entitled to more, she can take him to court but she very likely wont get a penny extra anyway.

lyralalala · 05/09/2019 16:14

no, he's offered to pay op what she's entitled to.

No he’s offered the maximum that CMS can deal with

if she thinks she's entitled to more, she can take him to court but she very likely wont get a penny extra anyway.

If he earns 15k a month after tax then it’s likely she’ll get more from court

pooopypants · 05/09/2019 16:15

NRTFT

Are you for real OP??? £1100 a month and you're complaining?

Move out of London and look for PT work. You're responsible for bringing this baby into the world, not just your 'rich ex BF'. Jeez. Yes, he should financially support the child, but NO, he shouldn't be pressured to support you too

If you can't afford to live on whatever income you don't / do have, maybe it's time to seriously consider if this is the right time to have a child. Ah, but then you wouldn't have rich baby daddy giving you £1100 every month.

Out of interest, what would you do for income if you weren't pregnant? Mind you, you don't seem to be replying to actual questions that have been asked in the post.......

lyralalala · 05/09/2019 16:15

It’ll all be irrelevant if CMS refer it to court automatically anyway (which they should do as a matter of course)

Skittlenommer · 05/09/2019 16:16

Mumsnet should be renamed ‘101 Ways to Conceive an Unplanned Pregnancy’! I’m in my 30s and have managed to never get pregnant or even have a scare! It’s not that difficult!! Yes, contraception fails but let’s be honest most of the time it’s human error!

lachenalia · 05/09/2019 16:16

I thinks it comes back to a variation on the Mrs Merton question doesn't it - what was it that attracted you to the multi millionaire Paul Daniels ? Did you accidentally fall pregnant before or after you found out about the family wealth?It seems to me that the amount he is offering is perfectly acceptable to raise a child , one that he didn't actually want . If you want to take him to court to see if you can improve on the deal he will obviously have access to a very top end legal team - will you be able to afford a comparable team . As other posters have said he may well be able to magic away his income if you get too grabby and if all else fails he can probably go abroad for a while to escape your clutches . So I would say don't be so grabby , you chose to continue with the pregnancy , take some bloody responsibility and work out how you are going to manage once the baby arrives

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 05/09/2019 16:17

It seems a lot and I can't see how you would have a Children's Act claim.

You also need to bear in mind that if he has more children in the future or hides some income you could get a lot less so the sooner you're able to pay for the basics the better. Is your degree one with good employment prospects?

I would be giving some serious thought to moving someone cheaper, especially if it means having family around.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 16:18

If he earns 15k a month after tax then it’s likely she’ll get more from court

how do you know that? every case is different and so is every judge

considering this seems like it was a fling and not a LTR and not a marriage, and considering that the child doesn't have an established "lifestyle" that it's used to, i'd be surprised if she got more.

And if he is in fact threatening to artificially deflate his income, she'll definitely get less, which is why I wouldn't do it.

You cannot rely on maintenance as a regular income under any circumstances.

Banangana · 05/09/2019 16:20

That child will have to live with the knowledge that their father didn't want them to be born and wanted nothing to do with their upbringing.

I agree it's sad and I wouldn't want that for my own child. Which is why I'm careful with contraception and wouldn't have a baby unless it was planned or at the very least wanted by the father. Even then it's never completely guaranteed that he won't turn into a shit. But there are steps you can take to minimise the risk of it happening and pretending that women are victims without any agency or the ability to make good choices for themselves and their future babies does no one any favours.

The amount of people on here saying "he could not declare his salary and pay less" is a disgrace.

Why is pointing out something that happens to a huge number of resident parents a disgrace? He's practically already told the OP that this is what he'll do and if he does go through with it, she will get less than he's offering now.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 16:21

The tone and expectation is that op should put up and shut up because she could be getting less if he wanted her to. This is what is disgusting. The money grabbing comments. The insinuation that she trapped him. The comments about the evil girls looking to trap those poor little footballers. The poor poor menz.

And actually, I am delighted that there are options for people who find themselves unable to care for the children they produce. But there is a massive difference between being unable to care for a child and not being arsed. If you can't be arsed but you are loaded you should not be expecting someone else to look after your child free of charge, whether that is the person you had sex with or the state.

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