Child maintenance from rich ex boyfriend

[Hanny3]

I recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I'm no longer together with the father. I will be raising the child by myself as the father doesn't won't anything to do with the child.

He has said he will pay child maintenance. He's a very rich guy and comes from a very rich family. He said to me when where together that he earned £15,000 per month after tax (by working for his dad) and that he had other incomes from his investments. He also has a large personal fortune.

He has said he will pay £1,273 a month in child maintenance. He claims that is the maximum he has to pay according to law.

I'm a student and don't have much money. I have asked if he would be willing to pay more the first two years so I can really focus on finishing my studies. He said no.

My mom and my friends are telling my if I take it to court I would get more per month, and are encouraging me to do so. My ex on the other hand says I would get less if I take it to court.

So I was wondering if anyone knows if I would get more per month if I took it to court? And I'm I totally unreasonable if I think he should pay more the first two years while I'm a student?

again meringue that's an issue to take up with the CMS because he's clearly just paying what he's told to...

i personally think its shit to get pregnant with someone and continue a pregnancy because they're rich and you want to finish your degree and maintain your lifestyle, but hey ho.

I think morally he should pay a bit more to enable her to get a degree and a better job as it wont be much to him but could really change his childs life in the long term

And if o/p decides not to use her degree for a career but focus on her child instead? Sahm, pt, a “job” which clocks in and oit but doesn’t require the investment climbing the ladder does?

Is she then morally obliged to pay the money back?

OP - there is no entitlement to maintenance until the baby is born.

Your ex’s earnings are certainly outwith the jurisdiction of what the CSA used to deal with (I think their limit was £2k a week). I am not sure he that will work with the CMS system but worth looking into.

Your ex is working for a family member which complicates issues. Any problems, and he goes self employed. The self employed are virtually untouchable by the current system (no maintenance from my self employed ex in 10 years) which means £nil or a minimum amount.

It may well be the case that you could get more through the courts. It may also be the case that once your baby is born, he changes his mind about a relationship with her. You potentially have 18 co-parenting years ahead of you. You can make the choice that the sum offered isn’t enough and fight for more - remembering that every penny you spend on legal fees will come out of your own pocket. You might get lucky short term. Long term you will likely lose out because he will get wise to the system and adjust his legal work status accordingly and your relationship will be non-existent.

Or you can accept the offer and get on with building your own life remembering that you too need to make a financial contribution to your child’s upbringing.

Women calling other women greedy or questioning the OP’s motives really need to get a grip. She’s pregnant. That took the 2 of the,. The ex needs to make a contribution according to current legislation which appears to be what he’s offered. I am sure the OP will work things out in her own time.

It sounds like the only reason you are having a baby is for money. This has to be a fake thread.

Unless the child was mutually planned and then he changed his mind, there's something very low about trying to milk as much as you can out of a man who has made it clear from the start he doesn't want to have the child. Yes he had sex but if he didn't want a child then I'm assuming there was contraception that failed, and everything after that point he had no choice in. Unless you can tell us otherwise?

It's quite rightfully entirely your decision to continue the pregnancy, but it wasn't what he wanted and he didn't get a say in the matter, he's already offered to pay a huge (and legally appropriate) amount of money and instead of taking it you're just thinking about what more you might be able to take from him. You basically just want to have a posh life in London off the back of his wages that you have not worked for.

You are not coming across well at all.

You should take the money he's offering.

It is her decision to continue the pregnancy yes. But it was also decision to have sex.

And he'll be paying £15k a year for the next 18 years because he's accepted that even though he doesn't want a child, his decision to have sex has consequences.

I have a strong suspicion that as the sole carer of the child and given his extremely high income you might be entitled to a LOT more than that. Get some decent legal advice and find a solicitor who specialises in high net value settlements, even if the appointment costs more. He doesn't need to know you're getting advice and it'll make sure you're not short changed.

I know it's a huge amount to many people and it is! ...but it's small change to this guy. It doesn't seem fair to me.

This is totally made up surely.

I dont believe this for a second. You are sounding like you had sex with this guy to get money out of him.

illuminati that doesn't stop him being "sacked" as soon as he gets the court date though does it?

its playing with fire.

I understand the other arguments and if a man has targeted a child while taking all reasonable steps to not get their partner pregnant, it must be difficult for them to have a child they dont want.

But how many men actively do this? How many men just leave contraception to the woman, or 'don't like condoms' etc?

Although it is a lot of money compared to maintenance most people get, paying the legal minimum isn't 'generous' in my opinion, it's the lowest he can get away with. Being generous is usually a bit more than meeting your legal obligations.

I think debates about whether OP morally should get more are irrelevant. She's asking if it's likely enough to make it worth pursuing, and I think based on the fact he's already suggested he thinks taking him to court would be a bad idea, he has obviously considered this as an option and has figured out ways to avoid that scenario. So no, I don't think it's worth pursuing.

The money is for the child, not for you.

I have a strong suspicion that as the sole carer of the child and given his extremely high income you might be entitled to a LOT more than that. Get some decent legal advice and find a solicitor who specialises in high net value settlements, even if the appointment costs more. He doesn't need to know you're getting advice and it'll make sure you're not short changed.

She probably would. However, it's problematic because she doesn't have the funds to sustain such a claim and as much as £15000 a month sounds and is, it actually does not fall under HNWI. Therefore, the likelihood of a firm taking the case on with a promise that their cut will come from the boyfriend is extremely unlikely (particularly as he is just a boyfriend and not spouse) . She is also not entitled to a substantial one off payment as some divorced parties are, so they wouldn't be able to rely on getting their money from that either.
The amount offered is not huge for London standards. However, she knew London is expensive before she got pregnant , she subsequently knew that he wanted nothing to do with her or the baby, she has no income. It's best for her to move elsewhere because she would struggle with that amount in London without an income of her own.

Tbh the arm chair lawyers are rarely right. I’d take it and look into what your uni offer in support. Are you taking a year/6 months out mat leave style? I would if I were you and move home for that time. Raising a baby alone with no support network will be really really hard. Your mum is encouraging your pregnancy, hopefully she’ll also help practically in the early months.

In your shoes I’d transfer to a uni near home.

Transfer to a uni in cheaper location and preferably near family support.

@AmIRightOrAMeringue

I think it would be worth knowing if he did leave the contraception to her, because if he asked and she said yes (or used a condom himself), then he has taken all the necessary steps to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and the decision to keep the baby is surely on her.

I agree it sucks that a lot of men feel they can leave contraception to the woman but the fact is if it's been discussed and established that either party would be taking care of it, then he had no reason to fear it would lead to pregnancy, so it seems absolutely mad to imply he should have to share more than the requirement throughout his life to pay for her decision to keep the child that he outwardly disagreed with.

and I think based on the fact he's already suggested he thinks taking him to court would be a bad idea, he has obviously considered this as an option and has figured out ways to avoid that scenario.

I agree with this. He's said that she'll 'get less' than £1273 if they go to court. He'll obviously be aware that no court would suggest he pay less than the legal minimum based on his income. So he's pretty much already admitted that if she does take it to court, he fully intends on artificially lowering his income so that she is legally entitled to less.

Bloooooooody hell thats more than I used to get for my Full time job. Fantasy island on here sometimes

🎵She was supposed to buy your shorty Tyco with your money
She went to the doctor, got lipo with your money🎵

...just saying!...

Getting a bit off topic here but even asking if someone is on the pill etc in my opinion, isn't enough. People (especially people you havent known for years) lie, people forget, people get sick, life gets in the way. I think asking the question once is not taking responsibility. Obviously depends on the people and their relationship and the type of contraception etc. And just my opinion. But I know people that do 'double up' on contraception as they know that it fails so it is safer to have two types

I cant see that you've said what the nature of your course is (sorry if you have). This is important as it could affect what sort of extra benefits you can get

@Hanny3 but you'r not entitled to more - £1273 is the recommended amount of CSA for £15000 a month. You are not entitled to his inheritance/family wealth etc. He could turn around and decide he wants child for some nights once baby is here and then you'd get even less money.

@AmIRightOrAMeringue

I'll be honest I very rarely feel sorry for men but if there is an agreement that one of the two of them will be taking contraception I do think it is very harsh of people to say he should morally give away half of his assets (or whatever it is people are expecting above what he's offered) and become a parent because the other person goes back on the arrangement and still has sex with them without letting them know. The pill is an ongoing solution so nobody is going to ask every time, if she stops taking it she needs to tell him.

In the same way that if a man claimed to use condoms and then didn't, it wouldn't be the woman's fault if they got pregnant and everyone would say it was an awful thing to do.

If he used condoms as well and she STILL got pregnant, people would say it's his fault because no contraception is 100% effective so he shouldn't have dared to have sex at all.

The fact is, once a woman is pregnant, she has a choice about whether to continue it, and he doesn't. If a man had sex under the agreement that one of them was using contraception, and then says he does not want to be a father and would choose to terminate if he could, but the woman chooses to have the baby anyway, it seems mightily unfair to expect him to give more than the legal requirement, which is supposed to cover the basics. In his case, that amount would already cover way more than the basics so to try and get more in the circumstances is just selfish greed.