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Original poster

Child maintenance from rich ex boyfriend

772 replies

Hanny3 · 05/09/2019 10:52

I recently found out I'm three months pregnant. I'm no longer together with the father. I will be raising the child by myself as the father doesn't won't anything to do with the child.

He has said he will pay child maintenance. He's a very rich guy and comes from a very rich family. He said to me when where together that he earned £15,000 per month after tax (by working for his dad) and that he had other incomes from his investments. He also has a large personal fortune.

He has said he will pay £1,273 a month in child maintenance. He claims that is the maximum he has to pay according to law.

I'm a student and don't have much money. I have asked if he would be willing to pay more the first two years so I can really focus on finishing my studies. He said no.

My mom and my friends are telling my if I take it to court I would get more per month, and are encouraging me to do so. My ex on the other hand says I would get less if I take it to court.

So I was wondering if anyone knows if I would get more per month if I took it to court? And I'm I totally unreasonable if I think he should pay more the first two years while I'm a student?

OP posts:
RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 13:44

OK then @Bonjourfreddie... Let's all keep quiet with our opinions then. Sorry you do know what a discussion board is don't you? If you don't want to read my posts because our opinions differ just scroll on by. But I think that says more about you than me to be honest.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 13:46

lol, that's not what im saying. You're free to have an opinion, but if you think voicing it on MN will make any difference in the real world, you're wrong.

if you feel that passionately about this, do something about it!

Jesse70 · 05/09/2019 13:47

There is people who can support their whole family on this amount of money

And this will probably piss people off but I think that men seem to get very little say in whether babies are kept or not because women grow the babies but I think if the men don't want a baby and you do then u should be able to support the baby on your own
If u had any morals u would only use what baby needed and put the rest into savings for them
But u want the cash for yourself you are a CF
U are very lucky he's happy to give u that amount you are no entitled to everything

sleepylittlebunnies · 05/09/2019 13:48

It’s a shame for your child that the dad doesn’t want to be involved but at least he has accepted his financial duty to support them. Of course that may change in years to come and he may be happy to pay for a private education or school trips etc.

Or he may have more children or gamble his wealth away or grow up and want a relationship with his child and end up with 50/50 care and you end up with no maintenance.

It would be selfish of him to be living a luxury lifestyle while his child, although provided for goes without those luxuries.

As he is happy to pay the legal maximum I’d accept that as he could easily hide his income if challenged.

On a more practical note if you are keeping the baby you need to find out what other income you can get in your present situation and what your outgoings will be for you and your child. Can you afford to continue your studies? Take a year out? Drop back a semester? Relocate? Or even have the baby adopted?

You have options, you need to work out what will be best for you.

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 13:50

But then no one would debate anything online. And they do. And sometimes people's minds are changed and sometimes they aren't. But the debate is important nonetheless.

And how do you know I'm not doing something about it.

Blindandfrozen · 05/09/2019 13:51

It will be interesting if the ex goes for 50/50 custody when the child is older as he may not have to pay any maintenance if he gets this.

Ultimately OP, very few people have ever got richer by having a child

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 05/09/2019 13:51

Ahh ok Brot I wasn’t sure only because when going through family court my ex was messing me about with child support and the judge didn’t get involved just warned ex that he might come to regret behaving that way.

I agree with you however, that taking this to court to get more money than is being offered sounds like a massive waste of money for OP.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 13:52

roly

right... I don't know you're not doing about it?

good luck to you if you are!

Original poster
Hanny3 · 05/09/2019 13:52

@OrangeSwoosh I appreciate all the answers. I would like to reply everyone, but right now I don’t know what to reply to many of the posts.

I feel like I have a responsibility to my baby to make his/her life as good as possible. And in my situation more money would really help.

Most people don’t have any way of getting money without working for it. But I am in this situation where it’s possible that the law says I’m entitled to more money from my ex. But at the same time I would feel so stupid if I somehow end up with less

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2019 13:52

They, like many on this thread, accept and actively support men doing the very bare minimum
Haha - IF ONLY!!!!
Most of us didn't even get the bare minimum!
Like me, a lot of us got FUCK ALL.
But we got by!
Because we had to.
As does the OP.
She's making a choice and she has to adjust her life to accommodate that choice.
He had no choice. As is right - her choice and her body. But as such why should he pay over the required amount?
He doesn't want this but is still being a stand up guy and offering a good amount of money to help support a child he doesn't want!
I'm not sure what he has done wrong here?

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 13:54

And in my situation more money would really help

yes, yours and 99% of the population!

If you want to give your baby the best chance op, be a good parent, try and do well in your own right and don't try and milk your ex for more cash.

lyralalala · 05/09/2019 13:56

You could go to court. CMS only take a certain level of monthly income into account (I can't remember the exact level) so if someone is very wealthy then maintenance can be dealt with through courts and they decide if the NRP should top up the CMS maintenance level.

However, you need to take the following into account if you do that -

  1. They may not order him to pay you much, if anything more
  2. 1 year and a day after the order is given he can apply to CMS to override it. So you'd either have a drop, or you have to go back to court each year
  3. He works for his father so he could have a sudden demotion and income drop easily
PooWillyBumBum · 05/09/2019 13:57

Honestly @Hanny3 I wouldn’t risk it. Legal representation is expensive. His lawyers will be brilliant, his dads company can flex his income to make it disappear (happened to many a woman on here). Take the money and run. It’s a good contribution to a child’s upkeep, and you’ll be fine! More money won’t necessarily help and once the child is at school and you’re working you’ll probably find you have more than enough.

Rockos · 05/09/2019 13:57

Hang on a minute. Why are you listening to him or your family? They aren’t legally trained. In any situation like this you should go see a solicitor and get some proper advice. His suggested amount sounds fair to me but I’m no expert, As a student, check if your institution offers cheap nursery/childcare. They also often have attached gyms that offer cheap deals for students and they have a crèche that you can use. Go and see a student welfare officer to try and get advice on all the benefits you can get. You should be able to manage on that much per month.

Ijustwanttoretire · 05/09/2019 13:58

That's more than I get for working FT FFS - grabby or what?

RolyWatts · 05/09/2019 13:58

@hellsbells He had a choice not to have sex if he didn't want a baby. Stand up guys don't walk away from their children. Maybe just maybe if men were expected to take more financial responsibility and their failure to do so was taken more seriously legally there would be a lot less irresponsible shagging going on.

Pardonwhat · 05/09/2019 14:00

But you’ll get a student loan on top of that for your living costs. Probably another 18/19k a year between housing benefit, loans and child benefit. It’s not his decision to go back to uni.
I managed uni as a single mum with no child support.

hsegfiugseskufh · 05/09/2019 14:00

how much financial responsibility would you suggest? roly

and how would you go about it considering everyones circumstances are different

Asta19 · 05/09/2019 14:00

That sounds a very specific amount. Going from that and other comments here, it sounds about the right amount. So I would take it and be thankful he's providing something. Your situation could be a lot worse. Like many others on here, I got no CM (my kids dad passed away). As others have said, you had the choice to terminate. I know it's not easy but if you choose to keep the child knowing dad wants nothing to do with it, then you accept that it is really your own responsibility. That's just how it is. If you try and go for more it will come across as greedy and, again as others have said, he'll use all his wealth to make sure you get far less or nothing.

Wherearemymarbles · 05/09/2019 14:00

OP,
Your risk is he goes for 50-50 then legally he pays you nothing. Vast numbers of mothers would love £15000 per year for a child. Out of interest how much more do you think you need?

comingintomyown · 05/09/2019 14:01

You would be ill advised to think about asking for more as people have said he can make his income disappear

I would accept with grace try and keep cordial leaving the door open for long term future requests for extra help with things which you won’t get if you’ve taken an aggressive stance at this stage

OrangeSwoosh · 05/09/2019 14:01

I feel like I have a responsibility to my baby to make his/her life as good as possible. And in my situation more money would really help

You can't build a life for you and this baby based on being reliant on maintenance payments. What if the father stops paying through one means or another? (Changes job, quits work etc). Then what?

Instead of trying to work out how you can get as much money as possible out of him (he's already said he'll pay what is essentially the equivalent of a full time wage), you need to work out what YOU can do to provide for this child yourself.

How old are you? I'm going to go ahead an assume you're late teens given that you've got 2 years of studying left and don't seem to fully understand the cost of living and how to go about this?

hellsbellsmelons · 05/09/2019 14:01

I feel like I have a responsibility to my baby to make his/her life as good as possible. And in my situation more money would really help
We all feel like this.
And more money would help in any situation.
You are not unique.
99% of the single mothers out there want exactly that.
But they can't have it.
Because it just doesn't work like that.
Set an example to your DC that YOU can make a success of your life on your own merits.
Study hard and work hard and you can show your DC what a fab, independent woman you are.

rebecca102 · 05/09/2019 14:02

It's for the baby, not you. That is heapsss a month. I have a nearly two year old and I wouldn't even need that much a month for her. Greedy...

PooWillyBumBum · 05/09/2019 14:04

@OrangeSwoosh makes a good point here “You can't build a life for you and this baby based on being reliant on maintenance payments. What if the father stops paying through one means or another? (Changes job, quits work etc). Then what? ”

I would also add skip the country to that, at DD’s school one of the dads fled to a tax haven with the nanny(!) never to be seen again.

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