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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect more consideration because we are not rich

727 replies

Bluebelle1012 · 04/09/2019 11:04

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 06/09/2019 23:17

£10 a day for a family of four to have 3 meals a day, snacks and drinks on holiday ....I absolutely dont see how that's possible !!

OP, basically your son needs to man up and stop moaning or take a few quid out of his uni pot.

No the wealthy should not eat in lesser eateries to accommodate your son, even if his mate didnt want to walk to the town with him, he is 18 not 8, and could have done so alone for the couple of hours journey.

If eating at your normal standard is flaunting wealth, your son shouldn't have gone on the trip, if it makes you or your adult son feel uncomfortable that they are wealthy, stay away from them.

It is your son who is being unreasonable for moaning rather than just sorting it out

AccioCats · 06/09/2019 23:38

Oh I knew we’d get the ‘i feed a family of 10 on 50 p a week and still have change left over’ brigade

But leaving that aside, the ds wasn’t misled because he and his mother were told that there were bars and shops where he could eat more cheaply in the nearby town- which there are. It was made very clear they didn’t expect him to be eating from the hotel menu every evening. The issue seems to be that he doesn’t want to walk an hour into town. And if he did, I still think £120 for an 18 year old lad for drinks and meals is way too low... though as I’ve said all along god knows why he can’t use his own money. He’s the one benefiting from the holiday, not his mother.

But there really hasn’t been any misleading- in fact quite the opposite. If the host family had just assumed he’d have a massive budget for meals they probably wouldn’t have mentioned the cheaper bars and shops. They clearly thought that’s where he was likely to head out in the evening

BadLad · 07/09/2019 00:07

Our family of four eats for £10 a day on holiday, including 3 meals, snacks, drinks, ice creams from our freezer etc.

"pollo magico di mumsnet, prego"

Is the phrase he needs.

Monday55 · 07/09/2019 00:30

How much has your son saved for Uni that he can't dip out £100 to top up what you gave him? Sounds like he's mourning for the sake of it instead of taking initiative.

As he's going to London for Uni, I may aswell warn you now that London ain't cheap either hence why workers in london get paid a 'London rate'. We don't want you coming back here with another thread on how your son's savings have vanished in the 1st term of uni. You've been warned.

taxiforme · 07/09/2019 04:18

Yes I can believe the £10 a day story.

Friend went on honeymoon with her new DH (2nd marriage) and 3DC to Italy - Airbnb.

They bought the weeks shop on the way to the accommodation from Lidl. They ate solely in the accommodation self catered.

They ventured out once, to a local lido but it was going to cost £75 for them all to stay for the day, so they went back to the accommodation (was not seaside area).

Takes all sorts, but this was their honeymoon! She is not short of a few bob but takes "being careful" with money to the next level..

Sorry, off topic a bit

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 08:05

"pollo magico di mumsnet, prego"

😂😂😂

BikeRunSki · 07/09/2019 08:09

surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here?

If they are very rich, they might not realise this at all. They found like their boundaries and expectations are very different to yours.

Justkeeprollingalong · 07/09/2019 08:24

Ignore the PPs who say you are in the wrong, OP. Our family of four eats for £10 a day on holiday, including 3 meals, snacks, drinks, ice creams from our freezer etc.

This is a typo surely? £10 for 4? What do you buy? @Glitteryone

Cluelessbeetroot · 07/09/2019 08:25

@taxiforme off topic as well, but I know a couple who books half board in a cheapish hotel, usually a chain one, so not rundown guesthouse type place but far from town centre.
They fill up water bottles at breakfast and then absolutely refuse to spend anything at all throughout the day, so they just walk everywhere and don’t eat a thing.
No DC, combined income over £60k
Yet when they’re at home they order Deliveroo most evenings. Mind boggles.

Cluelessbeetroot · 07/09/2019 08:35

Our family of four eats for £10 a day on holiday, including 3 meals, snacks, drinks, ice creams from our freezer etc.

Self catering, hob and oven, massive freezer, Iceland/Lidl, no meat, no fussy eaters ? Prob possible.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 07/09/2019 08:42

If you invite a teen/young person on holiday, surely they're your guest and you cater for them. I'd expect a contribution but I would make sure they were fed.

Curiositykilledthecat113 · 07/09/2019 08:45

The people who are saying she’s being unreasonable for not sending more money, you don’t understand that that is what money she has. If she had more she would send it. Quite a lot of posters here are obviously privileged if they think the OP can just magic money off trees. Additionally £120 is okay if you buy groceries some days and don’t eat out every day. It’s quite obvious how massively rich this forum is by all the snobby replies

Ledkr · 07/09/2019 08:48

My Dd went on an AI to Greece with her mates family. She took plenty of mo ey which she had saved from her job. We figured for things like shopping, activities etc.
Only trouble was that the family went out to eat most days so poor Dd had to use her spending money for food.
She did after half a week tell them she couldn't afford it so stayed at the hotel for dinner by herself. 🙁

LaurieMarlow · 07/09/2019 08:50

you don’t understand that that is what money she has. If she had more she would send it.

She (or he) should have budgeted for more is the point

DS has savings, which he didn’t want to spend.

The OP mentions much earlier in the thread that she had offered to pay for flights, which the host mother refused. OP says she could have afforded this with monthly budgeting.

Now quite why she didn’t put that money away anyway, to make sure DS has enough money to cover all eventualities (and pay for a meal for the family as a thank you) I don’t know.

IrmaFayLear · 07/09/2019 09:03

The OP has money; they just don't want to spend it. The ds runs his own car at home and has savings for going to university in London. (Where is he going to park his car?!)

There is a difference between being a bit taken aback at the hotel prices and ordering accordingly and going for the 70 Euro steak and ordering room service. Those are the actions of someone who assumed the hosts were going to pick up the tab.

Those who say they live in £10 a day on holiday, well, I'm sure the holiday locations love you. Great injection into the local economy there. Using all the local amenities and no reciprocal effort. It's the reason why Venice is dying. Thousands of trippers who think it's ok to sit in St Mark's Sq with a packet of sandwiches. (Or stuff sneaked off the buffet on their cruise liner.)

LaurieMarlow · 07/09/2019 09:09

I have no sympathy for Venice. It’s rip off capital of the world. No wonder people eat sandwiches in the park.

Nothing wrong with holidaying on tuppence ha’penny if that’s what you want. But these people would have to acknowledge that eating solely from Lidl is not most people’s idea of a lovely holiday.

Qwerty19 · 07/09/2019 09:09

At 18 he should be more responsible and if it means dipping into savings then so be it. Not worth being hungry over.

120.is not enough.
My ds is. Going to Spain breakfast and evening meal Inc for 7 days and we were told average needed for spends is 150 food for lunches snacks and drinks plus 100 for treats, souvenirs etc. That's age 14.

HotChocolateLover · 07/09/2019 09:15

Sorry OP but £120 isn’t really enough. I genuinely feel for you though as I have an almost 17 year old DS who eats me out of house an home. With activities and food, I would have expected to give my DS a minimum of £400 and up to £600. Perhaps if your DS gets invited again he should get a Saturday job in preparation. Don’t beat yourself up about it though xx

jennymanara · 07/09/2019 09:26

@Qwerty19 That is more than I spend. I think going on holiday, eating out, drinks, souvenirs can be very expensive, or can be cheap.
But OP I would have expected your DS to google the hotel and check things out for himself.

@IrmaFayLear I don't give a shit. I love travelling, so do as much as I can on a budget. For me eating a home made sandwich on St Mark's Square with bottled water, or sitting in a cafe and eating a sandwich, are comparable experiences, but one is very cheap and one is very expensive. I would rather save my money and go away for longer. Personally unless you are very well-off I can't understand people who waste money on stuff like this.

Just got back from another holiday where we took stuff from the breakfast buffet everyday to have for lunch and sat in a nice park or by the banks of a river to eat it. As long as it is sunny and warm, this is enjoyable.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 09:32

The cruise ships pay handsomely to dock at Venice. Far more than would be earned from the equivalent number of passengers having a coffee in St Marks Square. It's debatable whether Venice is acting in its own interests allowing so many of them to dock, ruining the view and causing damaging wash, but that's a whole other thread...

AsTheWorldTurns · 07/09/2019 09:36

The cruise ships pay handsomely to dock at Venice. Far more than would be earned from the equivalent number of passengers having a coffee in St Marks Square. It's debatable whether Venice is acting in its own interests allowing so many of them to dock, ruining the view and causing damaging wash, but that's a whole other thread...

I'm pretty sure they don't allow it anymore?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 07/09/2019 10:10

At the moment they do. There are plans to restrict or ban cruise ships but not enacted yet.

jennymanara · 07/09/2019 10:20

And most people do not plan their holidays on the basis of what is best for local shopkeepers.

Crankybitch · 07/09/2019 10:27

The op says (5th paragraph in her opening post) that she knew it would cost around €600 for food for the week

Then sends her DS with €120.....

I think YABU when the host family have paid for everything else on the agreement that you & your DS would pay for food (the €600 you mentioned)

I know you think it’s “free” to have another person staying in a hotel but it’s not - they will charge a price per head for tax, breakfast etc

jennymanara · 07/09/2019 10:35

Of course it is not free to stay in a hotel. If OP knew that then yes she was in the wrong and should have said that they could not afford that.