To expect more consideration because we are not rich

[Bluebelle1012]

DS 18 got taken to Italy by his friends family. We sent him with some money for food, parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...

However, the town is actually an hours walk down a long hill. Room service ranges anywhere between 40-100 Euro. A Diet Coke is 10.

Breakfast is included, but all other food has to be paid for. DS rang me last night saying he wants to come home because he is ordering extra at breakfast to last as he can not afford lunch or dinner from the hotel. They haven’t been to town yet as the parents have booked activities every day

I have no money to give him as I’m broke! He’s going to town (walking) today when he finally has the free time to buy some pot noodles and stuff for the rest of the holiday.

AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?

The mother made a barbed comment about when she went on holiday with friends it was reasonable to pay for yourself as “theyve already done a favour by inviting you.” Normally I’d agree, but surely they must recognise that there is NO way he can afford to eat every meal here? I just expected more consideration, even offering a chance to go into town would have done

It’s only a short holiday and he will manage on pot noodles.

AIBU?

If I invited my DC's friend on holiday at that age I would expect to cover their food and any money they brought with them would be for extra's.

This thread has run to 27 pages, AwesomeTrucker, and the reason for this is it's not a simple case of "friend invited; we pay for everything". The arrangement was for the two boys to go off on their own in the evenings and entertain/feed themselves. Sitting in the a la carte restaurant ordering 70 Euro steaks and 10 Euro bottles of water from room service was not the offer. I should think even Bill Gates would raise an eyebrow if his dc's friend picked the priciest item on the menu.

he has options but is refusing to use any and just wants the friends family to pay.

Where has the OP said this?

If I invite any of my children's friends on holiday with us, they are my guests and I treat them like my family, they dine with us whether it's a pizza or a fancy meal,
I am shocked at the thought that a young guest (even at 18) would be expected to find their own meals in a foreign country. Just weird.
I would, however, hope that they had money for some treats. £20 a day is plenty.

@Parisetoile you are totally ignoring the bit where the OP was told that they would pay for everything, flights, accommodation, activities but he had to feed himself...they knew this and said yes and are no complaining about it. It doesn't matter what you would do with a guest, this was the deal they agreed to and could have turned down if it wasn't to their satisfaction

Where has the OP said this?

Further down the thread where she says, that he has money saved for uni, where she says she could borrow money of the Aunt (her sister) but the son is refusing as he is unsure of when he can pay the mum back

But nowhere has he said he expects the host family to pay!

If I invited my DC's friend on holiday at that age I would expect to cover their food and any money they brought with them would be for Extra

As would I.
In this situation it appears it was explained that not to get the case and their son went away with £20 a day to cover everything without doing any research for himself.

This is the original AIBU -

“AIBU to think that if a very, very wealthy family take a normal- lower/ middle class teenager to a hotel where it can easily cost £600 to feed yourself for the week should bear this in mind?”

So the OP knew she was sending her son to a resort where it probably costs £600 to feed yourself for a week.

Yet she still sent him with £120

Yes, we know the family expected the town to be nearer and there to be cheaper bars etc more locally, but really? This is still a massive leap of faith. You have to have some idea what you’re potentially getting into, surely?

The way I would look at it is this - how many families spend thousands on a five-star resort and then spend the entire holiday getting cabs and buses, or schlepping an hour and back to and from town, to buy the cheapest food going?

This was never going to happen was it?

There has been a miscommunication here. The family, having paid his flights etc, probably just presumed that the DS has been able to come with sufficient cash, otherwise why would he have accepted in the first place? They probably can’t imagine that he would be there without access to more than £120. And to be fair, he does have access to more but he doesn’t want to touch it. He can’t be that embarrassed, obviously.

If it’s a lovely resort and the other boy is with family and is used to this kind of holiday, it’s not surprising that this boy wanted to chill in the resort for a few days.

The parents can’t really order the two boys to go into town twice a day, especially if it’s a hours walk.

Sometimes when you get on holiday, you just want to stay put for a few days and then venture into the towns etc later when you get you bearings - and the energy! This is probably what’s happening. Families have their own norms and habits, that’s all. The fact that the DS has ordered very expensive food twice, probably leads them to believe he is ok with this. If the boys are ordering room service though, how would the parents even be aware of what they’re doing anyway?

I don't think my parents did any research when I went away with a friend and I'm pretty sure the reverse was true when she came away with us. It shouldn't be necessary.

Regardless of whether we think any research is necessary, the fact is, the OP knew enough to realise it was a very expensive hotel where it could easily cost about £600 a week to eat. She also knew the expectation was that the ds would pay for his own meals and drinks.

That’s enough information right there without even browsing the website, to know that he shouldn’t be expecting to order expensive hotel meals and room service, and £120 is really not going to cut it even with going to town

What you, i or anyone else would do is irrelevant really because this was the deal offered to the son. If the OP couldn’t afford a realistic sum and the ds doesn’t want to use his own money then he really should have declined the holiday

Italy is really expensive I've heard, DD is going with school in May, it's half board (not an expensive hotel) and we're looking at giving her at least £400, is there any way to get someone to lend you some to get to him? Is he having to pay for more then food too?

The most likely scenario was that he thought they'd just pay for the hotel meals' bills and he could then spend the £120 on drinks and snacks and maybe they would have until he went for the most expensive thing on the menu.

This^^

And there is/was no 45 euros sandwich. Wise up.

Ok so tell me where it's stated that the OP knew in advance it would cost 600 euros for lunch and dinner in the hotel? You won't be able to because it isn't.

Hotels don't usually put their priced menus on their website - which is annoying for me right now as going away tomorrow and would like to know how much it costs to eat there - and even if they did have a priced menu - OPs expectation - because she did in fact speak to the other family - was that meals would be eaten cheaply in town.

120 euros is not all the DS had, he was going to top it up - probably thinking that about 200 euros would be about right, but then realised that hotel menu was ridiculously expensive and got a bit freaked out at the thought of spending his terms budget on food for one week.

The only way anyone would possibly think £20 per day would be ok in a 5-star resort would be -

a) if it was on an all-inclusive basis
b) someone else was letting you put everything on their tab

Is this what he half-expected? Sounds like it.

This is a family holiday. They have paid for a certain type of hotel. Go figure. They probably think it goes without saying that you need more than €20 per day. Why would they be planning on finding the cheapest food in the town or pot noodles?

Even if they stayed put in the hotel for one or two days (as is fairly likely) that would wipe out £120. Did the OP really not think of this?

It’s common sense really.

I don't personally find Italy that expensive (obvs not referring to hotel restaurant prices).
Most cafes/pizzerias/bars/chain-type restaurants do a lunch deal, usually a medium size pizza + a soft drink for 7-10 euros - see TripAdvisor pic of pizzeria in Bellagio
Same type of place would also do a plate of pasta cacio e pepe or alfredo for 8-9 euros and a glass of wine or a beer for 3 euros or so.
I've seen countless food trucks selling piadinas, pizza slices, paninis etc for about 4 euros, a bottle of water is 1-2 euros.
Supermarkets are more or less same prices as here with lots of variety for cheeses, hams, breads etc.
So yes, you won't eat like a king but it is possible to do it on 20 euros per day.

Yes cluelessbeetroot that was exactly our experience in Bologna, Rome and Sorrento. Many, many reasonably priced choices, including some very naice restaurants that also offered 10 euro pizzas.

Now if they are in Venice things would be different, but the hill rules that out.

The OP mentions in her very first post that it’s the kind of hotel where it costs £600 a week to eat! And you can certainly get a pretty good idea from a hotel website what prices are likely to be. You can certainly see the cost of rooms, the facilities and often there will be sample dinner menus. There is absolutely no way both the 18 yr old and his mum can both have been completely clueless

Anyway he was told he was expected to fund his own meals and drinks, which he can do perfectly adequately with the money his mum gave him plus some of his own. He just needs to walk into town.

It’s also clear from the OP that she thought £120 would be enough, which is her problem for underestimating, but frankly if that’s all she could afford her ds ought to put on his big boy pants and pay a small amount of his own money towards his food and drink

But nowhere has he said he expects the host family to pay!

But he went ill equipped to comfortably pay for himself and his mother clearly thinks it's unreasonable for the host family to eat in nice places when their son can't or why start the thread in the first place.

After turning 16 I have never been on holiday without researching the destination and before that my parents definitely researched it ( if my mum would have been honest she probably still did it when I was going holiday and 30years old😂😂 ) It's just common sense, especially if you have to do it on budget, it would make more sense.

After reading all the OPs comments, I'm actually not quite sure what her AIBU is ?? It's all a bit of a strange thread.

Is it that she thinks they should pay for her son?
That they should have only eaten in cheap places to accommodate her son ?

OP has said that the deal was always that the holiday was paid for - flights, hotel and activities - but that ds was expected to fund his own meals and drinks.

In her first post she describes the hosts as a “very, very wealthy family”

She also writes “parents said local town had loads of cheap bars, could buy food in town, shops, etc...”

It’s very clear that the ds and his mum knew beforehand that a) it was an expensive place and b) the parents clearly though the ds to want to eat from the local town, not at the expensive hotel

The issue seems to be around the fact the ds has to walk an hour each way which honestly I can see absolutely no big deal about for a young adult. Though of course as this 18 yr old has his own car perhaps the thought of walking is a shock to his system

The other issue is the money given to him being inadequate (which it really is if he wants a few drinks as most 18 yr olds would) but that’s easily sorted by him dipping into his own pocket.

Honestly it’s quite unbelievable really. My kids were organising and funding their own holidays from their weekend jobs by this age. They would certainly not have expected this level of molly coddling

Bluebelle1012 - I feel for you. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I think you should have said to these people “thanks you for offering my son a holiday but I must tell you that (for various reasons or none) I only have £120 to spare, will that be enough for his food, I don’t want him going hungry?” Then they would know the situation better and could do something about it. Actually I don’t like the sound of them much, they appear to be flaunting their wealth, they probably took your son to keep their’s company but not everyone has holiday money at the ready and if they know your circumstances they could have at least taken him to the local shops.

Ignore the PPs who say you are in the wrong, OP. Our family of four eats for £10 a day on holiday, including 3 meals, snacks, drinks, ice creams from our freezer etc. So £20 a day is a great budget if you are working on the assumption that there is a cheap and accessible supermarket. Unfortunately, you were misled on this point by the other family. They are in the wrong to assume that everyone is as carefree about money as them!

£120 was no where near enough YBVVVVU!

Ignore the PPs who say you are in the wrong, OP. Our family of four eats for £10 a day on holiday, including 3 meals, snacks, drinks, ice creams from our freezer etc.

^^ Sorry is this a joke? I’d stay at home and not go on holiday if my food budget was £10 per day for a family of 4

Glittery - maybe they are freeloaders eating 70 euro sTeaks or 45 euro sandwiches paid for by someone else ?