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AIBU?

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Original poster

To blow everyone’s world up

337 replies

Secretspiller · 03/09/2019 20:23

Name change for this one

My SIL and I are very close, best friends. My DB is a pain but I love him. They have 4 children. She confided in me at the weekend that she had her second affair last year, this time with our mutual best friends DP. They have 3 children.

The reason she told me is someone else knows and is using it against her so she wants me to back her up if/when it comes out.

DB suspected last year and we all told him he was mad. She would never do that again as she nearly lost it all last time. I sat and listened to her for hours about how DB was making her life miserable with these accusations, he was right with the timing and the person.

The man in question is a sleaze, always has been and I long suspected he had cheated on best friend many a time. If it comes out, which it will do, that I knew (after the fact) I run the risk of losing DB and best friend. If I tell I lose my SIL who is also my best friend and blow up 2 very interconnected families and a wider friendship group.

It’s over and has been for a while, he’s moved onto SIL other friend who is not really in the group. Despite the fact best friend thinks they are trying for another child.

I want to tell. I’m dammed if I do and I’m dammed if I don’t. I wish she hadn’t told me!

OP posts:
Figgygal · 04/09/2019 10:22

You've done the right thing op however hard it is

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 04/09/2019 10:23

I’m so sorry you have been put in this awful position by someone who claims to be your best friend. I can’t imagine how hard these conversations are going to be for you. Best of luck Flowers

MzHz · 04/09/2019 10:25

Thinking of you this morning op.

It won’t be easy, but you’re absolutely doing the right thing.

Out of interest, who is it who knows about the affair and how are they using it against your SIL?

My betting is, whoever that is, they are not the only person who knows.

Evilspiritgin · 04/09/2019 10:36

You might find that your brother goes low contact with you when everything settles down, he’s spent the last year being told he’s going mad for thinking his wife’s having an affair by his whole family, plus there’s every chance when the shit hits the fan that sil will tell your husband that you knew all along

Idontwanttotalk · 04/09/2019 10:36

What a bloody awful predicament your SIL has put you in. I would tell her that she has to tell your DB and, if she doesn't, you will have no choice but to tell him. She needs to take control so that the person using it against her cannot continue to do so.

It may end your DB's marriage or break his heart but you simply don't have a choice. He needs to hear from your SIL or from you. He deserves to know. Don't allow her to include you in her deception.

I"m just not sure what I'd do about the best friend who has been cheated on. I don't think I'd tell her but would feel so guilty for knowing.

What a mess!

Evilspiritgin · 04/09/2019 10:36

X your brother sorry not husband

PerkyPomPoms · 04/09/2019 10:42

I hope it goes well

gilliansgardenbench · 04/09/2019 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pooopypants · 04/09/2019 10:55

The saying "blood is thicker than water" isn't really appropriate because the full saying is actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb"

BUT. Blood. Every time. She's asking you to deceive and lie to your DB. You're doing the right thing Flowers

Dljlr · 04/09/2019 10:55

Your poor poor brother 😓

SirVixofVixHall · 04/09/2019 10:56

Thinking of you this morning OP. Very wrong of your SIL to have made this your problem, to have caused you so much worry and stress, when it is all her problem, and of her own making.
Feel very sorry for the other parties involved too.

AmIThough · 04/09/2019 11:01

Good luck OP. And remember you have done nothing wrong.

historysock · 04/09/2019 11:03

Best of luck op. Sometimes the right thing is not the easy thing-but I'm sure all involved will appreciate it-even if not straight away.

gilliansgardenbench · 04/09/2019 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leafyskyline · 04/09/2019 11:35

Good luck op Thanks I hope both conversations go as well as possible. You're absolutely doing the right thing, it's the only thing you can do in this situation.

pooopypants · 04/09/2019 11:37

@keto I wasn't being wanky, I didn't even know this myself until recently!!!

Hope you're ok OP

gilliansgardenbench · 04/09/2019 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Witchinaditch · 04/09/2019 12:29

Don’t tell, but encourage her to leave your brother. It’s clearly not a happy marriage.

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 12:36

Witchinaditch maybe RTFT before imparting your words of wisdom?

Vilanelle · 04/09/2019 12:37

Have not RTFT but I am shocled you would keep something like this from your brother.

Howdidido · 04/09/2019 12:38

You tell her that if she hasn't told them both by the weekend you will be.

MeltingSugs · 04/09/2019 12:39

Thinking of you OP. It's not you blowing their world up at all, you're doing the right thing.

Howdidido · 04/09/2019 12:40

You are very brave. Best of luck with your decision. Remember this is not your fault in anyway x

mama1980 · 04/09/2019 12:41

This is not your fault op.

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 12:49

Vilanelle good thing that's not what's she's doing, then, isn't it?