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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my son if he is gay?

440 replies

WWlOOlWW · 03/09/2019 02:08

Son is 17 and gay. He has never told me he is gay but I've known since he was 2 years old.

I've always done the whole 'I'm totally okay with the gay' thing.

Should I bring it up or wait until he tells me ?

OP posts:
duffyluth · 03/09/2019 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Quotes deleted post

NotTonightJosepheen · 03/09/2019 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abstractedobstructed · 03/09/2019 13:25

soup
It's hard to explain. My other kids are different in the way they think, interact. Even in that typical "boys are yuk" phase they go through in middle childhood; they aren't indifferent. It's like girls aren't of sufficient interest on any level to muster any feelings for them.

Ah I don't know. But he's MY son and I don't have to justify why I think what I do about him. He is who he is either way, and he's fine as he is.

JamesBlonde1 · 03/09/2019 13:28

If David Williams is heterosexual I'll eat my hat!

If he's not homosexual, he is def bisexual. In fact I'm convinced he was only wit the wife to produce a child.

I know a young lad, as described in another PP who on dressy up day, wore the sisters dress at school, likes getting on the stage and dancing, plays at home with frocks etc. He is defo going to be homosexual. I'd place a bet on it.

JamesBlonde1 · 03/09/2019 13:29

Negative responses. Am I wrong?

duffyluth · 03/09/2019 13:29

I know a young lad, as described in another PP who on dressy up day, wore the sisters dress at school, likes getting on the stage and dancing, plays at home with frocks etc. He is defo going to be homosexual. I'd place a bet on it.

Fucking hell Hmm

You must be either stupid or 1736 years old Confused

duffyluth · 03/09/2019 13:30

Negative responses. Am I wrong?

You are so much more than wrong. So much more. You are one of the problems.

JamesBlonde1 · 03/09/2019 13:31

No I'm neither.

So, on TV, there is no advert to say a bloke is homosexual, but you know, and later find out he is. Like a weatherman for example.

So what is he doing that alerts me to the fact he is? Why do I know?

JamesBlonde1 · 03/09/2019 13:32

What's wrong in thinking someone might be gay?

duffyluth · 03/09/2019 13:33

What's wrong in thinking someone might be gay?

Your reasons for thinking so.

BolloxtoGender · 03/09/2019 13:34

And I know a number of very pretty/ effeminate men who are not gay.

But according to you you would probably think that they are.

duffyluth · 03/09/2019 13:36

You were talking about kids not the weatherman.

If you have a genuine point to put across then fair enough, but at the moment you are spotting a serials level of offensive shite.

Vilanelle · 03/09/2019 13:36

We are so open about everything else.. it's weird for me that he wouldn't be open about this. Even though I understand why

Have you considered that he doesn't even know yet? Teenagers sometimes wrestle with their feelings and takes a while for them to realise what or who they are. He may be fighting it - as some gay people do.

I don't think you should storm ahead and make this "decision" for him.

*I know being gay isn't a decision, but it is up to him as to whether he lives as gay or not if that makes sense. I am gay myself but didn't come out until I was sure and ready aged 22.

duffyluth · 03/09/2019 13:37

*spouting a serious

Dutch1e · 03/09/2019 13:41

OP I like your earlier suggestion about gently saying "if you'd like to have a partner over to stay at some point, I'm ok with that."

It says a lot about you understanding that 17 isn't really a child any more, but doesn't barge in to details your son may not be ready to think about yet, let alone share.

I m sorry you're getting a hard time on here, it's not easy figuring out ways to help our kids navigate their private lives.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 03/09/2019 13:45

Negative responses. Am I wrong

Yes

WhatToDo999 · 03/09/2019 13:54

When my nephew came out as Gay, it was a big surprise, but i was more surprised that he told us (if that makes sense), as i said to him, i didn't have to make an announcement that i was straight!!

OP, i think you are a wonderful mum and are trying to do the right thing by your son in making him comfortable and letting him know there is no judgment.

Take your lead from him, if he ever does make the announcement, and see how the conversation goes rather than think of what you would like to say.

xx

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 03/09/2019 13:58

i didn't have to make an announcement that i was straight!!

No you didn’t because its the default and im sure just about everyone assumed you were

I think it must be very scary coming out to family especially

QueenofmyPrinces · 03/09/2019 14:00

It's my observation that he has never had on any level any interest in girls

So what level of interest is he showing to boys then?

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 03/09/2019 14:01

whatto

Sorry i really should have said ‘we’ as I certainly didnt have to do it either

Having said that my younger two got so fed up with me saying girlfriend or boyfriend every time i spoke to them that they did tell me they were straight just to shut me up Grin

RosesAndRaindrops · 03/09/2019 14:11

I know a young lad, as described in another PP who on dressy up day, wore the sisters dress at school, likes getting on the stage and dancing, plays at home with frocks etc. He is defo going to be homosexual. I'd place a bet on it

I've actually no words lol Grin

RosesAndRaindrops · 03/09/2019 14:14

So, on TV, there is no advert to say a bloke is homosexual, but you know, and later find out he is. Like a weatherman for example. So what is he doing that alerts me to the fact he is? Why do I know?

Er.... well going by your logic, is he wearing denim hot pants and saying he's the only gay in the village a'la Little Britain?!
Disclaimer before someone takes offence, just trying to get into the mindset of some of the batshittery on here lol

Myriade · 03/09/2019 14:15

Just a quick comment about ‘just knowing’.

A friend of mine (Male) is regularity receiving advances from gay men. This has always been the case since he was a teenager (he is now mid 40s) He clearly gives the ‘vibe’ to them (and therefore could also potentially have given the same vibe to his family). He is straight, the father of two children and happily married for years now.

So my advice would be to be quite careful of ‘just knowing’

NotTonightJosepheen · 03/09/2019 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newtb · 03/09/2019 14:31

My DD suddenly decided she was gay when she was around 10 or 11, but there's always been something that's made me doubt a little. She lacks emotional maturity (a lot) and has buried the fact very deeply that she was indecently assaulted when she was 7.

However, that aside, I have, and always have had more concerns about how she treats people, and I think that's much more important by far than her sexual orientation. As PP have said, the age at which people realise their definitive sexual orientation is fairly fluid, as is sexual orientation itself.

Talking to a psychiatrist she told me that even at 20 a definite sexual orientation can still be undecided or subject to change.

DD's looked for relationships with younger girls - much easier to manipulate than someone her own age or older.

Time will tell, as it will for the OP's ds.