To ask my son if he is gay?

[WWlOOlWW]

Son is 17 and gay. He has never told me he is gay but I've known since he was 2 years old.

I've always done the whole 'I'm totally okay with the gay' thing.

Should I bring it up or wait until he tells me ?

How dare you. We’ve been praised by countless people re the environment our son lives as regards his sexuality.

He had no problems with his sexuality until he suffered physical, verbal and cyber bullying within the community and his school. Then like many gay teenage boys the self loathing started. It. Is. Common. Very common. Gay teenage boys are surrounded by negative language on a daily basis sooo your smugness may come back to bite you on your bum one day.

Thankfully through discussion and support my son is doing great and we are all (school and family)incredibly proud of him. It is through this process that it has become clear to me that communication, discussion and support is key for gay teens.

I think you shouldn't, just as you wouldn't have asked him if he were straight, he is him and that's perfect, just as he is. No need to complicate it on discussing his sexual preferences. It's his 'personal' life, not yours and he will involve you if he sees it necessary.

“A big announcement”😂😂😂You’ve been watching too many movies.

Not necessarily. An ex boyfriend of mine is bisexual but he made it clear to me that I was not to tell his mother this as he was not "out" to her. When he was born sex between men was illegal. Actually saying that you were gay or bi in the decades immediately following the Sexual Offences Act 1967 could be a big announcement. I remember friends coming out in the 80s or 90s and you did have to ask who knew because they were often afraid of the repercussions of telling people.

I've noticed with friends in their 20s/ 30s that it isn't a big deal or anything worthy of an announcement. But for a slightly older generation it sometimes was.

I’m not the only gay mum in the village, far from it.

publichealthmatters.blog.gov.uk/2017/07/06/mental-health-challenges-within-the-lgbt-community/

The figures are stark and I frankly would want a heads up. The reason my son is doing so well is because we knew he was gay and he felt he could talk to us about his feelings.

But howl with laughter all you like. We’ve come though the other side and I am more focused on supporting other mums.

I agree onehammer

Oh give over. Nobody has denied the right to privacy if it desired.

Bollocks

My son had all that. Continual homophobic language and bullying eradicated it. No superior parenting would have stopped it happening.

Our school has zero tolerance

Homophobia is everywhere and reported most weeks in the news. That takes its toll. It isn’t the fault of school or home environment.

When onehammer referred to LGB support I imagined that it took the form of a club where gay and bi children could relax and chat through any issues

I completely agree with her, I too brought all my children up to think that being gay or bi is perfectly normal

And my child was fucking lucky that he didnt get bullied and need anymore support than his friendship group and family could offer him...he didnt join any LGB clubs

If nothing else, this thread has made me so thankful that I raised my son in a nurturing environment where homosexuality was the norm along with heterosexuality from the get go.

Yes but not every family have homosexual members. It's not their fault. It's not wrong to be straight.

So if a child who has never had a gay relation or friend may not feel as confident and secure.

I think all these people who are talking about sexual preferences seem to have a different view of homosexuality than me.

For me, being gay, it's not "just" a sexual 'preference', which implies it's a choice. It's who you are. You ARE a gay person, you don't "have homosexuality". Like with autism, you are born that way and you're autistic well before you or someone who knows you well "assigns" you autistic.

I think to me, that's why it's sometimes possible to intuit in someone very young who you know very well. Tbh I don't presume to 'guess' (and haven't had that experience) in anyone else's young child; that really would be looking at certain stereotypical behaviours and jumping to conclusions. But it's different, sometimes, in your own flesh and blood.
I just think that's who he is. It is neither here nor there. It just "is"....

For me, being gay, it's not "just" a sexual 'preference', which implies it's a choice. It's who you are. You ARE a gay person, you don't "have homosexuality". Like with autism, you are born that way and you're autistic well before you or someone who knows you well "assigns" you autistic.

Human sexuality is pretty fluid and can change during someone's lifetime. We have three basic labels - gay, straight, bi - but the reality is that people's behaviour doesn't often fit neatly into one of those three categories. So I really don't think your autism analogy works. It's not that unusual for people to be drawn to one sex, or both, and then change later in life. And for others sexual attraction just isn't dependent on their partners' sex but on how they feel about them as people.

And we do develop into sexual beings. We're not born that way and for some people there just is no sexual interest in anyone until after puberty (if ever!).

So does everyone now think sexuality and sexual orientation are synonyms? I had always learned that being gay was defined in terms of your orientation, not your sexuality which refers to a whole host of things. Hence the confusion amongst some posters that talking to your dc about being gay would mean discussing their sex lives.
Gay kids at school are not bullied for having sex with other boys. They are bullied for being gay It's not just about sex lives.

I've known my nephew was gay since he was two so I'm not sure why people are shocked that a mother would know this.

My nephew came out in his late teens but it was always obvious.

Two of my friends came out when we were in our late teens/twenties but yet again this had been obvious since we were in primary school together. I never asked and I don't think you should either OP.

When my first friend told me I did say "I know" and she was relieved as she had been so very nervous but then she was ever so slightly put out that I "knew" and wanted to know how. So probably best not to say that!

A big announcement You’ve been watching too many movies.

Yes, that is exactly my point. People don't need to officially 'break the news' feeling scared of the response their family might have any more, surely? Because hopefully most families don't care who their son/daughter prefers to sleep with?

My point being that at one time people did feel that they had to worry about their families reactions.

I grew up in the 80s and I remember my parents telling me how disappointed they'd be if I turned out to be gay! And sadly I think this was common in the 80s.

Odd that people are pretending not to know what "coming out" means

As though they are so right on and liberal minded that it simply wouldn't occur to them that being gay is any different to being straight. Give over!

My friend who is gay once TD me that if he had kids he'd rather they were straight as life would be easier for them. I think that's so sad.

I know exactly what coming out means

Im just confused by what some posters mean...