To ask my son if he is gay?

[WWlOOlWW]

Son is 17 and gay. He has never told me he is gay but I've known since he was 2 years old.

I've always done the whole 'I'm totally okay with the gay' thing.

Should I bring it up or wait until he tells me ?

Not sure how you can know the sexual proclivities of a 2 year old.

However I'd say don't ask or tell him, just use inclusive language, continue to make it clear you support people's life choices and wait for him to bring home Jake or Lily

Why on earth would any parent have set ideas on any sexuality. I don’t tend to defer to my parents thoughts re my sex life.

The kid who doesn’t talk is often the kid most likely to need support. Being a gay teen boy can be grim.

I also don’t think an elephant in the room type of handling is heslthy and can give out negative messages.

I am shocked being gay isn’t discussed by so many families. Maybe it contributes to the high mental health issues amongst gay men

There is a difference between talking about being gay and insisting that you have a right to know about your child's sexual thoughts.

Talking with your son in a relaxed fashion is not making a song and dance about it.

Who on earth has suggested insisting?

But please don't presume to tell me that my son is - and has been since he was 3- a misogynist or someone who thinks of women with disdain.

That's a huge leap from what I said. All children will pick up on far more than just the influences of their parents, so it's not about you and the way you've brought him up. Neither did I in any way imply that he might be misogynist or treat women with disdain. Often there is something far more subtle going on in the cues we pick up.

Think about it, if I say "Dr Smith" what image pops into your mind? Because even though I am female and have a PhD, even though I've spent a lot of time with female academics, I still very often picture a man. We pick up on attitudes in the media, in advertising and in our day to day interactions. We develop subconscious biases which may well be at odds with what we're taught and with what we consciously believe. It's that that I was referring to, it wasn't an attack on your parenting or your son.

And rest assured there is no coming out ‘speech’

My sister just turned up with her girlfriend one day and told us that. We wasn’t bothered, had a good inkling, was nice to know she never felt the need to officially ‘come out’

How is chatting to your son officially coming out? Girls are more likely to chat with friends.It can be very isolating being a gay boy, often parents can be the only safe people to chat to and it should be encouraged.

was nice to know she never felt the need to officially ‘come out

What on earth do people mean by officially ‘come out’

I think its odd that you feel you know 100% that he is gay. And why does he need to announce it? Surely the first you would know is when he brings a partner round - 'hey mum this is Tom' would be normal, not some big announcement.

Until you’ve had a gay son nottonight I don’t think you’re in any place to lecture to those that have.

The “in our family” is getting a bit tedious.

@WWlOOlWW I really wouldn't ask. There's no need to be waiting for him to announce it. Do you think he does want to tell you, but is worried?

People don't announce to family/friends they're straight, so why the need to announce they are gay? You will know, if he comes home one day and introduces his new boyfriend.

I'm sure if you have a good relationship with him and he wants to discuss it, he will.

Not sure I understand the part about knowing he was gay at 2 years old, being gay is a sexual preference.....

I don’t think it’s odd bm maybe he has gay lifestyle magazines or literature in his room. It’s kind of a big indicator.

What on earth do people mean by officially ‘come out’

Make a big announcement and await people's reactions as if it's a massive thing.

Make a big announcement and await people's reactions as if it's a massive thing

Have you had that happen to you much?

Ive never really heard of that happening

Yes because it’s ridiculous and quite arrogant, as if you’re trying to be right on alongside patronising parents who actually have gay children.

I couldn’t give a stuff re your child. My child is gay and we’ve had a lot of dealings with LGBT support.

“A big announcement”😂😂😂You’ve been watching too many movies.

am grateful my son comes from a family where he doesn't need LGB support