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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think private school kids wearing their logoed school jumpers at the weekend is weird?

494 replies

zzzzzzzz12345 · 02/09/2019 22:47

Isn’t it a bizarre stealth boast, except it’s not stealthy at all and a bit attention seeking? I know several children who do this. If your child does, why?

You’d never catch a state educated child wearing their school jumper at the weekend. If my child started to, I’d suggest they changed.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 04/09/2019 08:45

I'm talking state school kids - is this not a good thing?

I think the point the OP is making is that of course it’s ok for state school children. Private school children who do the same are anathema however.

BertrandRussell · 04/09/2019 08:47

“To them, their school is just the school they happen to go to. It feels like a normal school to them, because that's what they are used to ”
Hmm. Now I have a real issue with this! And I am sure many private school parents would too.

JacquesHammer · 04/09/2019 08:52

And I am sure many private school parents would too

Why? I don’t.

I’m quite sure DD doesn’t realise her education at primary was different from her peers at secondary.

CherryPavlova · 04/09/2019 08:55

I’m sure there are plenty of different reasons but it’s not only about independent schools. Many children and adults wear clothing with different signs of affiliation, don’t they? Some might wear it boastfully (or with pride is another way of looking at it) others because they are the jogging pants they have. Does it really matter? A sense of identity and belonging is a good thing, surely?

My youngest wears her school joggers frequently despite being in her fourth year at university. They happen to be good quality and comfortable. You’d only know the logo if you went to the school as it has no name on, it just a crown and lion’s head.

My son however, lives pretty much in his logo’d clothing when not working or deployed. His probably is a ‘not so stealth like’ boast as he very strongly identifies with and feels pride in being part of the armed forces national rugby squad. He always wears his waterproof fleece, tie and rugby shirts. Unfortunately for him, outside of forces rugby followers, nobody knows the logo or is remotely interested.

BertrandRussell · 04/09/2019 08:55

“I think the point the OP is making is that of course it’s ok for state school children. Private school children who do the same are anathema however.”

It’s not about state or private. Or not to me it isn’t. It’s about not wearing something that shows you to be A member of an exclusive “club” around people who have no chance of ever joining it

Loopytiles · 04/09/2019 08:57

Weekend school/sports.

My friend says wearing school branded stuff (hoodies, swimming costumes, T shirts, water bottles) is a (state school) thing in the US.

Dandelion1993 · 04/09/2019 08:58

Their school holidays are different to our so it may have been term time.

My sisters school had to wear theirs on Sundays to go to church in.

JacquesHammer · 04/09/2019 08:58

It’s about not wearing something that shows you to be A member of an exclusive “club” around people who have no chance of ever joining it

Ah. So I should stop wearing my rugby hoody from when I played rep rugby because some people don’t have a chance of joining...?

I mean I will never be able to join a running club. It doesn’t fill me with untold angst when I see people wearing their club jumpers.

What nonsense.

BertrandRussell · 04/09/2019 09:06

“What nonsense.”

Fair enough. I think sensitivity and tact are important lessons for children to learn. And so, before anyone points it out, is resilience! But we have a long tradition in this country of not “showing off”. Not using titles or ranks. Not being ostentious about money or possessions. And I think it’s an admirable trait. If a group of children are doing an activity together, then I would prefer it if one of them was not wearing something which marked them out as significantly more privileged than the others. For all of their sakes.

JacquesHammer · 04/09/2019 09:12

Fair enough. I think sensitivity and tact are important lessons for children to learn

So DD went to an event this week with a group of her friends from current school. All 4 wore their primary leavers hoodies. I should have told DD not to because it was tactless?

So in fact marked her out as more different rather than 4 different girls, 4 different school hoodies?

JacquesHammer · 04/09/2019 09:15

I have of course learned a valuable lesson from this thread and won’t wear my ancient rugby hoody for trips to the tip.

I am now conscious of all the abject desolation of people around me knowing I’ve played rugby and they can’t 🙄

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 09:15

I would prefer it if one of them was not wearing something which marked them out as significantly more privileged than the others

but where do you stop with that? You could have a bunch of kids all at the same state school with some in social housing wearing hand-me-downs several generations old, and some living in million-pound houses wearing designer clothing. Do you stop them from hanging out together in their vastly differently priced clothing?

School is not the only market of privilege, and I think it's really unhelpful to focus so heavily on that.

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 09:15

*marker

myself2020 · 04/09/2019 09:19

@rededucator good point. in my town alone they would need to fund about 200 primary school places per yeargroup (so 1400 extra kids). They already have kids in taxis to schools more than 3 miles away and container buildings in every playground (to enable 3 classes per year group, on average 30-32 kuds in keystage 1, way more keystage 2). Somehow i can’t see that happen. the private sector is taking a lot of pressure of the public sector)

Manontry · 04/09/2019 09:19

I don't think it's really news that there is a subset of parents who resent private schools.

Dd3 has just moved to private from state and her ex state school friend told her that her dad didn't want her to be friends with dd as dd "was a snob now". Dd said she's glad to be away from people like that and I couldnt agree more.

chasingmytail4 · 04/09/2019 09:33

@zzzzzzzz12345 I wonder if you would have posted if you had seen a group of state school children wearing their school uniform? If not, why not? Children, particularly teenagers, generally like to feel they belong. They could be wearing their uniform for this reason, they could be boasting, who knows?

Your OP suggests reverse snobbery to me. Sometimes we knock other people's choices because we don't feel secure in the ones we have made ourselves. I think all parents question if they have made the right choices for their children. That's normal, but it's not healthy to criticise others to reassure yourself. Only you know your motivation for posting, but if I were you, I would be asking myself why it mattered so much to me.

BertrandRussell · 04/09/2019 09:34

“chool is not the only market of privilege, and I think it's really unhelpful to focus so heavily on that.“
Of course it isn’t. But that’s what this thread’s about!

BertrandRussell · 04/09/2019 09:36

“I have of course learned a valuable lesson from this thread and won’t wear my ancient rugby hoody for trips to the tip.“
Oh don’t be silly. You know perfectly well that’s not what we’re talking about.

BertrandRussell · 04/09/2019 09:38

“Sometimes we knock other people's choices because we don't feel secure in the ones we have made ourselves.” Grin . Yes, I do think there’s a bit of that going on on this thread!

CassianAndor · 04/09/2019 09:38

the thread is about that, Bertrand, because the OP puts so much emphasis on private school being the be all and end all of social inequality.

Xenia · 04/09/2019 09:40

We could widen the debate into the exclusionary nature of some women wearing a burkha which excludes other women in many senses too and shows your membership of a group and indeed those fundamentalist Christian women you see with skirts to the ground and long hair, never mind office workers in smart suits (male and female) and the army.

My sons had to wear a suit to their private school sixth form every day but their sistr at another private school North London Collegiate does not have any uniform in the sixth form at all.

Manontry · 04/09/2019 09:41

I do admire Bertrand's persistence but she's a bore on this topic. It's like a notification goes off that there's a discussion about private schools and she has to immediately drop whatever she's doing and get in there.

Manontry · 04/09/2019 09:45

NLC deffo has sports hoodies with name and or logo on though xenia

SoyDora · 04/09/2019 09:52

Do your children go to a good state school or a bad one OP?
I went to an awful state secondary. My children are now in catchment for that same state secondary, which is still awful (20 years on). We will either move before secondary, or educate privately. Either way, we will be using our financial privilege to benefit them. I will not subject my children to the awful education I received.

FrancisCrawford · 04/09/2019 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.