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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to think private school kids wearing their logoed school jumpers at the weekend is weird?

494 replies

zzzzzzzz12345 · 02/09/2019 22:47

Isn’t it a bizarre stealth boast, except it’s not stealthy at all and a bit attention seeking? I know several children who do this. If your child does, why?

You’d never catch a state educated child wearing their school jumper at the weekend. If my child started to, I’d suggest they changed.

OP posts:
CruCru · 03/09/2019 14:53

Ah, this thread has taken a turn that I hadn’t expected when I last posted.

I have no idea whether wearing a sweatshirt with “Harrow” or whatever is boasting. I’d be surprised if the children who wore it were boasting - their school is what is normal to them. I suppose it could be seen as boasting on the part of the parents but from 9 onwards few parents are able to pick out their kids’ weekend clothes. They may just be okay with the children wearing something clean and comfortable.

I haven’t seen many children wearing school clothes out of school but I do quite often see children wearing hoodies that they got at the end of their skiing / sailing / riding trip. These also could be said to denote privilege (not many people can afford sailing courses).

zzzzzzzz12345 · 03/09/2019 15:01

Funnily enough I don’t agree with the grammar system either, because you end up with the less able/aware being in inferior schools. It’s unfair because the less able deserve/need better and more input rather than worse and less.

Re state/uni/etc, I think I answered that in a previous post - it’s clearly a modern phenomenon.

My postcwasnt a bun fight. I was sitting at watching a group of kids and wondering why several private school kids were wearing their school jumpers. It felt like a stealth boast and I wanted to know whether that was the case. It seems it might be but also seems like other kids wear school stuff for tribal reasons. As I said before, this is an unfamiliar phenomenon to me and perhaps explains the context a little better.

As for people being weirded out that I choose to state educate despite being able to go private, I’m baffled that people can’t understand the concept of a moral choice, even if it’s one they may make not choose to make themselves.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/09/2019 15:06

“Far better to sell out their principles - or rather your principles - than to sell out their kids!”

So sending your child to state school is “selling them out”! Wow....

zzzzzzzz12345 · 03/09/2019 15:11

I don’t see state education as a sell out. And for those not reading i have already said that the schools near me are a mixed bag here but the private schools cream off a significant percentage which results in some state schools in some parts struggling to meet their PAN and struggling to improve. It becomes a vicious circle.

I’m bemused that people think anyone with money can’t have moral beliefs that fly in the face of buying privilege.

OP posts:
CendrillonSings · 03/09/2019 15:12

So sending your child to state school is “selling them out”! Wow....

Deliberately providing your own child with an inferior education when you have the ability to provide better? Damned right it’s selling them out, whatever silly principles one might wish to advance.

Milicentbystander72 · 03/09/2019 15:14

But CentrillionSings 'better' is subjective isn't it. Lots of us genuinely believe that private doesn't automatically mean 'better'

Milicentbystander72 · 03/09/2019 15:15

Sorry got your name slightly wrong CendrillionSings.

CendrillonSings · 03/09/2019 15:17

Obviously not every private school will be better than every state school. But there is no state school that can beat the best private schools, and most compare favourably.

happilybemused · 03/09/2019 15:18

Saturday school/ sport here as well. Never thought the neighbours would think I was stealth boasting - will have to assure them Smile

JacquesHammer · 03/09/2019 15:18

We’re on a short break, I’ve just spotted a child in a hoodie from our local state school. The one we’re in catchment for, and didn’t get in.

Had a bit of a laugh with the parents about small world.

Should I have assumed they’re stealth boasting? Leavers hoodies are a massive thing where we are, state and private.

Dieu · 03/09/2019 15:22

Mine would wear her school Camp/Sports/Leavers hoodie outside of school time, but never any other items of the uniform.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 03/09/2019 15:57

Lots of reverse snobbery on this thread. We don't have to agree on everything. But don't accuse people of selling out for sending their kids to private school. You have no idea what the alternative was. Maybe the only school they were in catchment for was utter crap?

ToPlanZ · 03/09/2019 15:59

Oh and I also had to wear my private school uniform on a Sunday for chapel. It would never have been a boast because my school was my school, it was what I knew. It was a mixed bag of very wealthy people, people who worked hard and sacrificed a lot to pay the fees, kids on bursaries, kids on scholarships, kids on assisted places.

I privately educated my son, and yes it was the very best option in my area and yes we did without other things and lived in a small house for a long long time, and I had a very very old cheap car. That is my choice. I'm not sniffy when people spend money on a lavish life style and choose not to have a paid education. They obviously think they are doing their best for their children albeit in a different way.

I think the judgement comes from people assuming private schools are full of toffs so it's fine to poke them with a stick. Whereas actually I went to school with people from very down to earth backgrounds who just thought they were doing their best by their kids.

Sneer in judgement on their parenting choices if you wish, but don't try to take away their freedom to choose what they think is best. Or where do we stop? All drive the same car, own the same size TV, wear the same clothes? No separate cabins on planes and trains? One size of hotel room for all? Maybe go back to rationing?

The first post could have just been out of ignorance if the OP didn't realise lots of private schools have lessons and activities over the weekends but it has now become apparent it was just a pernicious attempt to pigeon hole young kids who've shockingly made the mistake to wear their school jumper when the OP deems they shouldn't so they must be toady little boastful snobs.

Sorry OP but private schools are not what you think they are, it really is your prejudice at work here. Maybe live and let live

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2019 16:00

“But don't accuse people of selling out for sending their kids to private school”

Why not? Principles aren’t principles if they are never tested.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 03/09/2019 16:03

We don't all have to have the same 'principles' do we @bertrandrussell? I don't judge people who send their kids to state school.

JacquesHammer · 03/09/2019 16:05

And of course “principles” are easy to have when you can access/have had access to decent, local education....

kennyjenny · 03/09/2019 16:06

Does it really matter? I've not read every post but isn't it the same as when uni students wear merch from their school. I really don't think it's to boast and if so who cares.

zzzzzzzz12345 · 03/09/2019 16:09

But my local education is very mixed (as I’ve said numerous times before), hence I am also heavily involved in local politics, school GBs etc.

And for the final time - it’s not due to bloody Saturday school! It’s leisure wear of logo school kit. In school holidays. No school events, just wearing for fun.

OP posts:
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 03/09/2019 16:11

Who cares OP - why is it hurting you?

Pipandmum · 03/09/2019 16:12

My kids don’t except if going to sport fixtures (used to be every weekend for my son) and has to wear either sports kit or school uniform. Very occasionally might wear their school sports hoodie out of convenience.
Related: I do kinda think medical staff walking around in public in scrubs is showing off.

PooWillyBumBum · 03/09/2019 16:15

I went to a state school and the sporty kids wore their sports tees and we all wore our leavers hoodies. They were optional things we paid extra for, and that you get on your last week. Are the kids supposed to bin them on the last day!? I also still have my old Uni hoody which I wear to Lidl if I can’t be arsed to shower and change. I suppose that’s showing off too?

I live in an area where there are only a couple of good state schools. The others are very poor. The house prices around the good state schools are astronomical. Those of us with DC at private school often joke about the fact that the families in those schools are the ones with the new cars/clothes/fancy holidays/amazing social lives. Our money has all gone on school fees..

@kjhkj

I do a tinkly laugh when friends tell me how unethical it is to send DD to private school, given they’ve all moved to other areas or their kids got into grammars. The difference is they pay fees through their mortgage. Champagne socialism at its finest.

I had her at 17 and have made the best decisions I could for us both, sometimes at great sacrifice. I understand working/campaigning for better education for all but not sure how well energy is spent pissing on others’ parenting choices.

JacquesHammer · 03/09/2019 16:17

And for the final time - it’s not due to bloody Saturday school! It’s leisure wear of logo school kit. In school holidays. No school events, just wearing for fun

Ah you should have mentioned you knew the children rather than just observing them.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2019 16:33

“ I don't judge people who send their kids to state school.”
Good. Someone a few posts ago said it was “selling out” your children.

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 03/09/2019 16:35

I thought it was the other way round actually. I thought someone was accusing people who send their kids private of selling out.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2019 16:37

“Far better to sell out their principles - or rather your principles - than to sell out their kids!”