To think people with EUPD/BPD get a tough time on here?

[FFSOMG]

I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 12 years. Two months ago my diagnosis changed to EUPD, and a month ago (different psychiatrist) it changed again to both.

I was so, so upset when I received the EUPD diagnosis because of just how stigmatised it is. If a person is behaving horribly you can guarantee that along with narcissistic personality disorder, some poster will suggest EUPD.

People with EUPD are described as manipulative and controlling. Two things I’m definitely not. I’ve been with my DH for nearly 12 years, married for 6, I have good friendships and don’t struggle with relationships. I ‘just’ suffer with extreme low/mixed moods that cause me to self harm and attempt suicide... what I’m try to say is that I am genuine in my attempts, I don’t ‘cry suicide’ as a way of manipulating those around me like some on here accuse people with EUPD of doing. paragraph edited by MNHQ

Personality disorders are so far behind in terms of being understood and accepted by the general public. It seems if I said that I struggle with depression and anxiety that would be ok, but because my diagnosis is emotional unstable personality disorder that people think we are vile monsters.

What are you doing to try to get better?

I don't know much about personality disorders other

@toadabode I am taking my prescribed medication and engaging in psychotherapy.

It's no surprise when it's the most stigmatised condition within the mental health field. I can cope with the general public not understanding, but when it comes to the doctors that are supposed to be treating you, it's a joke!

I don't think anyone wants to think of themselves as manipulative and controlling. It doesn't mean they aren't. I suspect a lot of people don't even know they're doing it.

That said, most health conditions, physical or mental, have a range of common symptoms and not all sufferers will have all of them. I've previously been diagnosed with depression but there were a couple of common traits of depression that I didn't show - typically, severely depressed people often lose interest in their appearance but I actually became quite obsessed with mine and spent much longer on makeup etc than usual. So it's perfectly possible to have EUPD or BPD without having that particular tendency to be manipulative or controlling.

It is certainly unfair that people on Mumsnet (and in life) tend to jump on any poor behaviour and immediately suggest it must be down to a mental health condition (or dementia, or ASD, or SEN) without really knowing enough about the person in question - mostly, arseholes are just arseholes for no reason.

I can see why you're upset by your diagnosis but you must understand, surely, that it can't be denied that a condition like EUPD does have an impact on others - whether you mean it to or not? Your suicidal behaviours might not be carried out in order to manipulate, but clearly that sort of behaviour does have a devastating impact on the people around you even if that isn't why you did it. That is something that has to be acknowledged in information about the condition - it's simply factual, not deliberately stigmatising.

Oh and when in the community I regularly see my CPN. I’m lucky to have had the same CPN for about 7 years and have a great relationship with her.

I have been well for long periods in the past, I just crashed and burned last year as I had taken on far too much and was working crazy hours and looking after our DCs 24/7

Sorry my last reply was in response to the “what are you doing to get better” question

Sorry.. other than they can be very difficult to live with. I actually hate the term personality disorder- its really aggressive and upsetting. I think they should come up with a better name for it. That might help the stigma a bit.

YADNBU

I'm not manipulative and neither have most people with bpd that I have known. I have met people without bpd that have been very manipulative. It's very misunderstood, people have a bad experience with one person with bpd and tar everyone with the same brush. It's a really horrible thing to live with. It's extremely distressing a lot of the time and not enough professional support is given. I totally understand funding isn't good but better understanding and education for mental health professionals about bpd would help.

People with eupd and any pd can be awful to be around, and can be bad people... but so can people without eupd.... I dont think it's as much about the illness as it is about that person's character tbh...
I worked in mental health before I became a SAHM and people with personality disorders are not all exactly the same... I know big shocker!! Even if they ahve the same personality disorder they can be very different people who struggle in differing ways with it.
I've met some absolutely lovely people with personality disorders and I've met some absolutely awful people with them.
And of course it depends as well on the level of insight someone has into their disorder. And the amount of effort they put into dealing with it..

Why eupd and bpd and complex PTSD get a bashing on here is that when these things are completely untreated and or someone is in denial about having them, then thos people can really be very toxic to be around... particularly if it's someone close to you like a partner... even more so if it's a parent...
Alot of people who have parents with untreated personality disorders are left completely traumatised by it.
I agree there is a stigma around it just because of the way people can sometimes present when they are very ill. It can come across as extremely malicious and manipulative at its worst. But having worked on ward with people with personality disorders you can see how little real control people who are very ill have over it.. and how their behaviour is based in fear and pain.. not anger at other people or entitlement or anything like that... often when they are lashing out or seeming to be manipulate it's because they genuinely cannot naturally internally trust how people are going to react so they subconsciously test and push people to try and reassure themselves that they will be acknowledged and listened to and that they are safe. It must be terrifying not being able to accurately gauge the validity of your own emotional reactions.. who is causing what and how to react. Its not that these people are by nature malicious at all it's that they really cant regulate their own emotions in the same way someone else can and so their reactions and behaviour can be extreme...
Of course people with pds can be malicious people on top of the pd... but a personality disorder does not make you a terrible person. I think theres a lot of confusion about that on here sometimes yes.

Personality disorders are the most stigmatised mental health condition, and I can understand you being upset that your diagnosis has been changed as it's a label no one wants to have. It has taken so much work for poor mental health to no longer be taboo in society and it still has a way to go, I think it will be a long while before personality disorders are not stigmatised. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time OP, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing to get yourself well

I think one day the condition will be renamed to something like Complex Trauma, as that is exactly what BPD/EUPD is. Trauma.

I have come across a few people with EUPD in my line of work and all of them were destructively manipulative to the point of head butting walls to fake assaults. Of course that’s not to say that everyone with EUPD is like this but I think you’re probably an exception to the rule. Not all psychopaths are serial killers but unfortunately people will generally tar with the same brush.

There are too many armchair psychologists on MN.

I'm sorry you have been unwell.

I have bipolar type two. Not everyone is understanding but, you know what? Fuck them all.

Agreed. EUPD is directly related to early trauma. It's shit. But if you're not in denial and really engage with your care providers it can be managed. It sucks.

@WaitrosePigeon that’s exactly what my psychologist said

@WaitrosePigeon YES!!! A million times yes

I think people with a diagnosis of any type of mental illness get a hard time on here. Depression and anxiety are just about accepted but not totally.

People still don’t talk about it enough. They shy away from what they don’t understand.

The newspapers don’t help either!

I also agree that it should be recognised as a trauma disorder and that people given this shitty diagnosis are treated appallingly. I'm the opposite, I had a BPD diagnosis changed to bipolar and I went from being told I was pretty much choosing this myself to being treated with support and compassion.

Join a group called drop the disorder who look to end the labelling of people with this and other conditions.

@MellowBird85 what is your work?

I think a lot of conditions are stigmatised by some people on MN, including mental health conditions (some more than others), but also obesity, being transgender, and I’ve seen cases where victims of stalking, sexual assault and domestic abuse are told that if they had behaved differently it would not have happened to them.

Its’s not fair. But then, life isn’t fair, is it? It’s not fair that you have these diagnoses and all that goes with them, but railing against the unfairness won’t change it. What will make your life better? I suggest that learning how to cope better with the unfairness will.

Some people lack empathy, but in general I think stigma comes from lack of understanding. They don’t suffer from these conditions themselves (lucky them), so they don’t know what it feels like. They haven’t been educated about cause and effect, so from their ignorance they act like dicks.

I think if you’re honest, any kind of chronic health condition exacts a toll on family and friends, as well as the sufferer. Dementia, anyone? Severe depression? Bipolar? It is silly to pretend they don’t make any difference to those close to you.

Hopefully, the people who love you will be motivated to educate themselves so they are able to support you as you do your best to manage your condition with the right professional input. Hopefully, you will also find some among your colleagues, friends etc who will do the same. The rest are dicks. Ignore them

Interesting that MellowBird chooses to stereotype thousands of people based on her experience of a few people. That's incredibly ignorant, and supports FFS's view that people with the condition are unfairly judged.

It's a tough one. My mate's ex had BPD and was an extremely difficult individual. Constantly paranoid about him cheating to the point where she made him call her 3x a day from work and would kick off if he didn't - despite him being the least guy to chest I've ever known.

I was sympathetic but she was really hard work.

least likely guy to cheat that was meant to be.

I have bpd and it frustrates me so much when reading Mumsnet sometimes!
A lot of people are ignorant and don't fully understand the disorder! Most of my friends don't know I've got a diagnosis as I've had it for 17 years and have learnt to hide it well if I'm going through a bad patch!
It annoys me also when I'm watching something whether a movie or documentaries and the people with bpd are always "villains" !!
I can't get life insurance atm because of it! They don't understand I cope well and go through slight periods of depression - a lot like a lot of other people do!