To think people with EUPD/BPD get a tough time on here?

[FFSOMG]

I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 12 years. Two months ago my diagnosis changed to EUPD, and a month ago (different psychiatrist) it changed again to both.

I was so, so upset when I received the EUPD diagnosis because of just how stigmatised it is. If a person is behaving horribly you can guarantee that along with narcissistic personality disorder, some poster will suggest EUPD.

People with EUPD are described as manipulative and controlling. Two things I’m definitely not. I’ve been with my DH for nearly 12 years, married for 6, I have good friendships and don’t struggle with relationships. I ‘just’ suffer with extreme low/mixed moods that cause me to self harm and attempt suicide... what I’m try to say is that I am genuine in my attempts, I don’t ‘cry suicide’ as a way of manipulating those around me like some on here accuse people with EUPD of doing. paragraph edited by MNHQ

Personality disorders are so far behind in terms of being understood and accepted by the general public. It seems if I said that I struggle with depression and anxiety that would be ok, but because my diagnosis is emotional unstable personality disorder that people think we are vile monsters.

Many people with this disorder are destructive and gameplaying types, not all of course, but many. It can be frustrating to deal with, along with the self centredness of it all.

Many PEOPLE are destructive and gameplaying types, not all of course, but many. It can be frustrating to deal with, along with the self centredness of it all.

There, fixed that for you

@Rinoachicken

How do you help someone who won't talk and won't engage in anyway?

Further to my earlier posts I am now sitting in a&e waiting to see her after she has tied something round her neck and needed resuscitating

Don’t say anything. Don’t ask anything. Just hold her hand. Just be there.

She may be angry with you, she may try and push you away. This is because she would rather push you away (and then hate herself for it) than have you push HER away.

Just be there. In time, she may reach the point where she expresses the desire for things to change. Then gently, gently, she can start on the recovery road.

But until then, all you can do is know that she is afraid, so so afraid, and just be there.

And look after yourself as well x

So what sets people apart who have BPD then rino? How are they different?

@Rinoachicken

She won't see me. My mum is there every step of the way for her. Makes no difference I find it harder - I am fed up of the effect it is having on everyone around her. we were told she has been harming herself in the secure unit so she gets taken to a & e and can escape. Well went further than she expected didn't it. Although how the duck she can do that in a secure unit is anyone's guess. There is no solution frankly if she doesn't engage in treatment which no one can make her she will be dead within a couple of months. I truly believe that.

The problem is some people with Eupd/BPD just don't consider how their behaviour affects others because they're reactive and self centred. They will go on about their own struggles but refuse to accept others have personal struggles too, and that their own behaviour causes stress to others.
Some BPD sufferers threaten suicide over and over again. At what point does the friend of the BPD sufferer put herself first and not jump when the BPD sufferer says how high? Some think that BPD sufferers deserve endless support no matter what they do, I say if a friend is causing you huge amounts of stress, back off or walk away.

@Manontry

that’s the whole point. There are good people and shitty people. some people have BPD. Some have BPD and are shitty as well, but they most likely would have been shitty anyway!

Making blanket assumptions and generalisations about what people with BPD are like is like making assumptions and generalisations about what Muslim people are like, or what travellers are like, or gay people. I.e not accurate and not helpful

I notice that when BPD sufferers are treated the way they treat others, they simply don't accept it and are quick to walk away.

@Treesthemovie

Which is why I said it’s a CHOICE. I don’t judge anyone for walking away from someone with BPD, especially if that person is not self aware, as that is particularly tough.

I do judge people who assume that ALL people with BPD are like that

There’s only so much hand holding you can do. It can be very emotionally draining being at the receiving end and when there’s a continuous cycle of destructive behaviours it is extremely difficult and hopeless because interventions/support become increasingly ineffective. What about compassion and understanding for those at the receiving end?! It can feel emotionally abusive, almost. I can understand why someone would try and defend the diagnosis and pretend that some of the symptoms do not exist or only exist in a small number of people, but that is simply not true. Why do so many people have negative experiences of being around someone with EUPD/BPD? We can’t all be wrong.

@Treesthemovie

Agree. I had to cancel my daughters birthday party at 15 minutes notice tonight because the hospital would not talk over the phone and I had no idea if she was on life support. Wish I had t bothered frankly.

Well, I’ve tried explaining the disorder on this thread.

Like the previous poster just said though, quite frankly I wonder why I’ve bothered.

But its a disorder

It has symptoms

The symptoms of the disorder ARE similar in people with BPD

That's why they are diagnosed with BPD

I didn't like the way you told me I'd got it wrong and referred me to the NHS website. When I quoted it back to you you still said it doesn't apply.

I haven’t referred you to any websites? Have you mixed me up with someone else?

I get it, OP

YA so NBU

Its’s not fair. But then, life isn’t fair, is it? It’s not fair that you have these diagnoses and all that goes with them, but railing against the unfairness won’t change it. What will make your life better? I suggest that learning how to cope better with the unfairness will

Ah, the suck it up buttercup brigade.

No - the unfairness of the stigma of mental illness should be challenged otherwise it will remain (not that I’m brave enough to be a mental health champion)

I've got a couple of friends with EUPD, and while it can be hard being around them and trying to support them when things are bad, it's obviously a lot worse for the unstable person. I admire my friends so much because they spend so much time feeling so dreadful and manage, over and over again, to pick themselves back up, do their best to sort out out the consequences of their actions, and carry on being funny and creative and caring even though they feel life so hard.

It is tough when it's someone you care about, though. It's much easier as a friend than as a family member or partner, I think, because it's more usual for friends to draw firm boundaries in their relationships, and because the love isn't as all-consuming, and because there's less of a need to balance that relationship with the needs of other loved ones.

It can be really tempting to pour everything you have into supporting someone with EUPD, especially when you are afraid that if you don't they will die and it will be your fault, but the sad fact is that however much of yourself you give, no one person can give enough to fill up the empty bits that show up when someone starts spiralling. So now, I try to be honest and upfront about what I can give, and to be consistent about it. I think that's all I can do.

I really hope that things look up for the people who've posted about the troubles they are facing.

@Manontry I know someone with depression. They're sometimes self-centred and bad tempered. These are ALSO some of the symptoms shown on the NHS website for depression.

Does that mean I should go on a thread that people with depression will read and start abusing them all because of my friend's behaviour?

Of course not, that would be ignorant, uneducated, hurtful and cruel.

So why do you think you have a right to behave in such an ignorant hurtful manner to the people with BPD in this thread, just because the people in your life with BPD may have hurt you (for which I genuinely sympathise)?

Seriously, go to a board, group or forum for people with BPD and their loved ones and you will see that MOST of them are not controlling or manipulative. They are in serious pain and the only people they hurt is themselves. To have to live with being abused by people on forums and shunned by the medical profession is doubly cruel.

Yes there are those that behave badly, there are depressives and schizophrenics that do too. But that is not the condition and is not the majority but we hear about these ones because they are the extremes. Try to understand.

Have some compassion fgs.

This has been an interesting thread. I was diagnosed with EUPD among other things. I either do not have it or am a vile monster in denial. Only time will tell. I think I may have been diagnosed with it due to discrimination against me for a horrific (non)childhood.

But, when I was diagnosed, the psychiatrist did say 1) it’s not my fault, I was made to be this way and 2) personality disorders are not mental illnesses, they so entrenched in the fabric of our being (personality) that there is no cure, only coping mechanisms.

Gosh, I’ve had therapy over and over again. EMDR, CBT, DBT nothing has worked. This my suspicion, maybe I don’t have EUPD after all. Maybe I am just a different person and other people are just wired to be heartless Vulcans compared to me.

they are in serious pain and the only person they hurt is themselves

Utter, utter horseshit. That they may be hurt the worst I can quite accept, but believe me, there is plenty of damage to go round.

*treesandrocks

Try to understand??

Have some compassion??

You know someone with depression so you are an expert??

And I'm the ignorant one?

I've been dealing with the effects of BPD for years. I've had my own therapy to help me deal with the devastation it has caused. I'm nothing but supportive to my sibling who struggles. So you can type what you like on here, I absolutely know what BPD is like.

I absolutely know what BPD is like as suffered by your sister