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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why does my partner think it's ok to call me on my past?

139 replies

Sweetpeach3 · 01/09/2019 14:48

Met my DH when I was 17. He was 31. We had an age gap but didn't matter. Been with my DH for 6 years. 3 kids. A mortgage and good jobs.
But he always has a niggle on his shoulders.
AIBU to think he needs move the F*#k on with life as iv done nothing to jeopardise our relationship?
I personally don't think I'm a slag and this is why he always says. as I have slept with 7 people before I knew him. Yes a few was just flings but I started at 15 (as much as I regret them I can't change them!) but I know people who have done a lot worse and he constantly says I'm a slag for it and I can't change. It's been 6 years and 2 kids. Number 3 is cooking , why won't he just move the hell in with life ?? Iv done nothing wrong ???

Yes iv left him twice for around 2 months each time an gone back my mums once and second got my own house because he keeps breaking me doin this I get told night slag and just slag slag slag all day long pretty much and I don't want the kids around that and arguments. So yes I said we needed a break an he did go with someone else the first time I went my mums for a break and catch an std but we got through it as it was me who left him! But he Promises it'll stop then starts again. Iv found him on secret social media's and I did again last month. I confronted him an he denied it but I cba arguin so I left it. I havnt got any social media or anything like that it's a waste of time. Now This is him staring again after a brilliant few months. I ain't one to go drinking or meeting friends etc I havnt drank since my 18th birthday as it just isn't my cup of tea I'd rather a takeaway and new pjs lol call me sad but hey. I have 2 best friends an that is it I don't speak to anyone else but family I ain't interested I just keep me to me and it's all about the kids and family

Just don't get his problem I don't think I'm a slag or done anything wrong or have I ??

OP posts:
TheQueef · 01/09/2019 14:50

You had 3 children with this abusive prick?

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 01/09/2019 14:53

@TheQueef he's not always like this ? He can be so so nice and great then when he has these episodes it's awful? Like now he's saying he's depressed that's what's making him this way (my DS is really I'll atm) but iv tried get him in docs an he won't x

OP posts:
Tigger001 · 01/09/2019 14:54

Well you were ok to have 3 kids with. I wouldn't put up with that. He would have to stop name calling, its just not nice.
Your kids will also pick up on it and mimic it.
He needs to sort himself out!!

slipperywhensparticus · 01/09/2019 14:55

Leave him your kids deserve better and so do you

He will never change

TiredOldTable · 01/09/2019 14:55

Did he know before you got together?
Sounds like he wanted a child bride (age gap to me is creepy/sorry).

Does he look at young girls? Teenage porn?

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 01/09/2019 14:56

@TiredOldTable we have kind of the same friends that's how we met so he had an idea who I'd had sex with prior to him and I did tell him as i had nothing to hide

OP posts:
PennyNotSoWise · 01/09/2019 14:57

Just don't get his problem I don't think I'm a slag or done anything wrong or have I ??

It's not you with the problem, no. It's him. He's a misogynistic arsehole with no respect for you. He won't change OP.

I felt drained just reading your post, I can't imagine actually living it.

Do you have sons? Because they're going to grow up thinking that it's okay to speak to women in this derogatory way. Or your daughters will grow up thinking it's okay to be spoken to in this derogatory way by men. You need to lead by example and show them it's not acceptable.

GabriellaMontez · 01/09/2019 14:57

Just leave him. He's vile.

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 01/09/2019 14:57

@TiredOldTable and iv never known him to watch porn etc but the other girl he went with on the break is younger then me...

OP posts:
TheQueef · 01/09/2019 14:58

He's abusive. Calling you a slag is not ok.
Have you a son? Imagine seeing him speak to a future girlfriend like that, like his father is teaching him.

elvis86 · 01/09/2019 14:58

What a catch.

Sounds like a great relationship and a wonderful environment to raise kids in.

I don't think there's any point in anyone giving you advice TBH, if you've already left him twice (and even got as far as having your own house), and yet you're back with him and pregnant by him again.

You're an absolute mug, OP. And he knows it.

Greyhound22 · 01/09/2019 14:59

Why have you continued having children with this abusive controlling prick? WTF did a 31 year old want with a 17 year old? To control you that's what.

No you've done nothing wrong at all but why on earth do you keep having kids with him? For the sake of your children you need to leave him. And next time you meet someone don't start having kids straight away.

Engoltheharpy · 01/09/2019 15:00

So you're now 23, he's 37, you have 3 children together and while on a break he was with a girl younger than you?

He's chosen younger women as he can mould/intimidate them. A 31 year old man and a 17 year old girl is not a healthy relationship.

threeamclub · 01/09/2019 15:01

How old are you OP? You sound really vulnerable Sad

I'm 20 and met my DP when I was 18 & he was 34 and he's been nothing but good to me. We don't have any children yet.

AryaStarkWolf · 01/09/2019 15:02

A 31 year old with a 17 year old grim, I'd be judging him on that tbh

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 01/09/2019 15:02

@Greyhound22 I was with him 3 years before we had children so not as if I got pregnant after a week and it was the dream relationship until then. We had the average couple rows but nothing bad I just love him he was my first love and I can't picture been without him I'm just hanging onto the hope it may go back to how it used to be. I duno why he's gone like this all of a sudden. The breaks were pretty close together all in the same year after my DD. We've been back a year now an was great up until last month ?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 01/09/2019 15:02

He sounds utterly vile. If you were my DD I would be urging you to leave this excuse of a man. There is NO excuse on earth for him to call you a slag repeatedly. Do yourself and your children a favour and leave him.

He won’t suddenly turn into a loving, kind supportive husband OP. You’ve got this shit for life if you choose to stay with him.

usersouthcoast · 01/09/2019 15:03

I think he's projecting because he's cheating on you.
He managed to sleep with another person quickly when you broke up, and he has secret social media accounts.

MrsBertBibby · 01/09/2019 15:03

I see he's not always like this. So he makes a positive choice to be an abusive misogynist piece of shit to his kids' mum. Nice.

He is abusing you OP. Get out before it gets worse. No one who loves you would call you those names, ever.

EnglishRose13 · 01/09/2019 15:04

Do you want your children growing up thinking it's acceptable to be called, or to call someone "slag"?

user764329056 · 01/09/2019 15:05

This sounds horrible for you and children OP, I think you have to seriously consider staying with him, that behaviour would be a deal breaker for me, he sounds awful

OurChristmasMiracle · 01/09/2019 15:05

He chose you because you were young and easier to manipulate. He will eat away and you self confidence and self esteem. He is controlling an abusive.

Do you work? I actually (maybe cynically) think he likes you being pregnant because you then have to be at home to look after the kids and have no life or career of your own and are reliant on him.

Please leave him

Namechanger001 · 01/09/2019 15:10

His “depression” is a way to excuse his foul behaviour. Depressed people don’t get to be shit to other people and this guy is treating you horribly. Would you want your daughter to put up with this?

He seems to pick young women as they’re easy to influence too.

You deserve better than this creep.
I think you need to get out from this relationship and just have time with you and the kids to know what life is like without someone else influencing you.

Original poster
Sweetpeach3 · 01/09/2019 15:10

I had to come out of work in June as I couldn't afford childcare for my DD as the hours I worked an nursery ment I had to pay extra in nursery for the half hour I was picking her up late by so was like 200 extra a month I didn't have. Just wasn't possible. I'd been at the same salon since I was 15. But I want to start making children's clothes as I'm qualified in this aswel and to be fair he's offered to set me up a little work station in the garage and pay for me a freshen up course at a shop near by so I'm not stuck in bored iv never been one to do nothing but I do feel he loves to be in control ?

I'm not a bad mum at all. if he starts I do just walk away an I have the discussion when the kids go to bed at 7. I'd do anythin for my kids and even for his other kids. I just feel like shit atm im having it rough with my little boy been really unwel also and waiting for tests and his meds to start etc. Just a bad time for us all an I need his support not to be called? He isn't the only one upset right now

OP posts:
InsertFunnyUsername · 01/09/2019 15:14

He sounds like a horrible bastard. You could have slept with a lot more and still wouldn't be a slag. Can I just say there are men out there that go for young girls for their "purity" and seems like hes one of. Creep. Why else would he give a shit.

I'm not judging there is a 9 year age gap between me and DP but we are equal in all parts.

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