Why does my partner think it's ok to call me on my past?

[Sweetpeach3]

Met my DH when I was 17. He was 31. We had an age gap but didn't matter. Been with my DH for 6 years. 3 kids. A mortgage and good jobs.
But he always has a niggle on his shoulders.
AIBU to think he needs move the F*#k on with life as iv done nothing to jeopardise our relationship?
I personally don't think I'm a slag and this is why he always says. as I have slept with 7 people before I knew him. Yes a few was just flings but I started at 15 (as much as I regret them I can't change them!) but I know people who have done a lot worse and he constantly says I'm a slag for it and I can't change. It's been 6 years and 2 kids. Number 3 is cooking , why won't he just move the hell in with life ?? Iv done nothing wrong ???

Yes iv left him twice for around 2 months each time an gone back my mums once and second got my own house because he keeps breaking me doin this I get told night slag and just slag slag slag all day long pretty much and I don't want the kids around that and arguments. So yes I said we needed a break an he did go with someone else the first time I went my mums for a break and catch an std but we got through it as it was me who left him! But he Promises it'll stop then starts again. Iv found him on secret social media's and I did again last month. I confronted him an he denied it but I cba arguin so I left it. I havnt got any social media or anything like that it's a waste of time. Now This is him staring again after a brilliant few months. I ain't one to go drinking or meeting friends etc I havnt drank since my 18th birthday as it just isn't my cup of tea I'd rather a takeaway and new pjs lol call me sad but hey. I have 2 best friends an that is it I don't speak to anyone else but family I ain't interested I just keep me to me and it's all about the kids and family

Just don't get his problem I don't think I'm a slag or done anything wrong or have I ??

Wait till you're 50 & he's 64 with a mindset like his. He'll be like Victor Meldrew on acid and you'll be weeping every day wishing you'd got away when you were the age you are now.

He doesn't respect women and he doesn't respect you - that's why he calls you derogatory names for a woman. Up to you if you stay with him but it's beyond me why women let creeps like this lay a finger on them when there are decent men out there who respect themselves and others. In your shoes I'd have slung him and his nasty mouth and attitude out ages ago. He sounds sickening.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Please do see your counsellor and look up the freedom programme as above

You poor woman.

He was nearly twice your age when you met.
He is a pervert and an absolute pig.

No man who likes women speaks about them like that.

Get away from him ASAP.

He’s a horrible person, OP. As for him being nice sometimes, Hitler loved his dogs. Everyone can be nice sometimes. It means nothing. He’s an abusive, hateful person. And in fact it’s just a part of the abuser’s cycle, the ‘niceness’.

Don’t waste your life. Take courage. Be big and brave and own your life - protect your happiness and protect your kids.

You can do it. Clear your head and leave him.

Because he's a prick and an abusive one at that. Don't put up with this shit, get yourself out and make a happy life for you and your children.

He's not a nice person OP.

Yeah, unfortunately I think the sudden change indicates he's cheating on you and projecting.

I'm not sure if you said you're married?

Stop putting up with his shit. Myself and Oh have a very similar age gap but we were 20 and 33 when we met and I had slept with more people than him despite being younger (he had 2 very long relationships before me) but be doesn’t feel the need to remind me. Sometimes he will joke around about how we should level it up (obviously he wouldn’t)

But the way this man is treating you is not right nor healthy for you or the children.

He’s got the gall to call you on your sexual history when he dated a 17 year old at 30+. That’s crazy!

And gave her an STD- who is the slag here??? Repulsive perverted creep.

He groomed you as a 17-year-old and he’s been abusing you ever since. It is that simple. This isn’t a healthy environment for you or your children and you absolutely need to leave him immediately.

He. Will. Not. Change.

Reading this made me really sad. You are so young and life could be so good but your abusive partner will never ever let you be happy for any length of time because he has to show you that he has the power.

@Nofunkingworriesmate well I was paying monthly then around 6 months in my nan gave us all some money and instead of blowing it on things I didn't really need I decided just pay it into my rent pot as the contract was 12 months anyway so it nearly covered the other 6 so I was basicly rent free st my house. I tried to keep the job but the hours didn't suit the nursery hours so that was making my life difficult. They always paid me short. Was an ongoing problem tbh and been pregnant they wasn't really been fair in other ways either so I was best off leaving at the time. I don't regret it as we're all still close friends just wasn't suitable for me. I couldn't work till 9 pm 3 nights a week etc

Leave OP, he is not going to be able to deal with the 14 years gap. He is either insecure you may find someone better or he simply likes teenage girls. Neither of them are good news even before we consider he is already abusive.

How old are your children

Does he smoke weed by any chance? He needs to stop this immediately and get help for whatever excuse is in his head. Tell him that's it, he's had his last chance. Once more and you are out. Mean it, you will feel better after

Please please think about leaving him, he sounds absolutely vile. I get that you have your good times but when there are bad times (and every relationship has them) you should go through them together. My husband wouldn't dream of calling me a slag and I've slept with a few more people than 7 but what I've done in my past isn't relevant now.

Well you have been good enough to settle down with and have 3 kids.
How are you a slag when he s also had past sexual partners (and cheated on you too)?
My ds is 31 and wouldn't even look at a 17 year old. He has loads in common with his partner who is 31 too. Most men in their 30s would be totally uninterested in LTR with 17 year old as you have barely anything in common. Even music and film preferences or where to go out.
Massive red flags here.
You deserve to be loved and respected by the father of your children.

You say you love him, but I seriously doubt he loves you - he owns you. There's a big difference.

You've done nothing wrong apart from putting up with this misogynistic shitbag for all these years

what's is he on about, there is nothing about which to 'call' you, he's just making arguments out of thin air

He's revolting. You deserve so much better.
Please listen to the advice given here, so many of us have been in this position including me. I can promise you life is a million times easier without an abuser in your head. I can't believe he has six, soon to be seven children, and has the utter gall to question you on your sexual past! Has the man no self control? 😅

In much of the world, 17 and 31 would be against the law, due to your youth. In some places which allow consensual sex that young, the age gap would be large enough that it would still be illegal - they only allow it that young where both the couple are close in age. He would be in jail for it. So calling you names for your sexual behaviour is a joke, when in many countries he'd be pegged as a sex offender.

I'm sure, as with anything, that there are exceptions, but the cases I've known of much older men with very young girls have been men who like controlling women, and can do that far more effectively with teenagers who haven't the life experience to recognise what is happening. That's the appeal. The way he treats you supports that.

You can do the Freedom Programme online. I would recommend that you do. It may not strike a chord, in which case, no harm done. But it may. freedomprogramme.co.uk/

I'm afraid I think you are describing an abusive relationship. I agree with previous posters.

I only asked because I was wondering if he was following a pattern regarding dating teenagers and then having children with them.
7 children with 4 different women would not necessarily be a bad thing if he steps up for all of them and is lovely. Given he chooses to call you names and belittle you I doubt very much that is the case though.
You deserve to be treated much better than he is treating you.

He's an emotionally/verbally abusive, misogynistic, borderline paedo!

How can you bear to have sex with him?!

As for "he's not always like this" PLEASE google "cycle of abuse" of course he's not like it all the time or nobody would go near him! He'll switch it off JUST at the point you've almost had enough and when he's satisfied he's fooled you he's "not that bad" he'll feel comfortable being a twat again!

I'm willing to bet at least part of the reason he goes for much younger "women" is because they are less likely to recognise this crap and put up with it.

Get rid! He's a dick!!

"I'm just hanging onto the hope it may go back to how it used to be" that will never happen!

The person he seemed to be when you were first together never existed, who he really is, is the person you are with now who calls you a slag and treats you like crap! That's the real him - do you love that guy?!