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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be on a contraceptives and insist DP wears condoms

130 replies

RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 15:46

Long story short, contraceptives make me feel like a bag of sh*t.

Especially estrogen ones, which I can't actually take now anyway as I get migraines.

All progestogen ones I've tried (implant, mini pill, Mirena) I've had for at least 6 months each and never stopped bleeding on them. I have heavy periods so have been advised not to get the copper coil.

I'm getting super salty about societies expectations for women to go on hormonal contraceptives. Seems like they make a lot of women feel like crap but they just put up with it.

I'm fed up of it. I told DP yesterday I'm getting my coil out and he can use condoms from now on. He doesn't really want to do that but has no choice now because I literally said CONDOMS OR NO VAG FOR YOU.

AIBU?

OP posts:
raspberryk · 31/08/2019 15:48

Not in the least bit U

RedPanda2 · 31/08/2019 15:49

We only use condoms and it's worked for us for 7 years. If he doesn't like it, tell him to grow up!

CaptureCastles · 31/08/2019 15:50

Before trying to conceive, DH and I used condoms as I didn't like the idea of hormonal contraception. Thankfully he understood and was fine with it. but if he hadn't he didnt have a choice

Absolutely reasonable!

Disfordarkchocolate · 31/08/2019 15:51

No, perfectly reasonable. Just remember the risk of pregnancy.

Onekidnoclue · 31/08/2019 15:52

You’re totally in the right. Weird that women are only fertile a day or two a month. Men are bubbling over with sperm 24/7 and yet expect the ladies to be sorting the contraception. Bloody patriarchy Wink

Bloodycats · 31/08/2019 15:52

Yanbu. I did exactly the same and he had to put up with it. In the end he got fed up of ronnies and got the snip.

Seriously though, go for it. You’ll feel so much better without all that crap in your body.

kaytee87 · 31/08/2019 15:54

Yanbu. My DH and I have been together for 8 years and at various times over that time (when not pregnant and ttc) we have shared the responsibility of contraception. At some points I have been on the pill or mini pill and at others he has used condoms.

noseynelly · 31/08/2019 15:55

I don't like putting anything into my body that j feel changes my natural hormones etc..plus when I was on depo I gained a shit ton of weight that never came off so we've always used condoms...dp never had a problem with it

ItsMsAtomicBobToYou · 31/08/2019 15:55

Not at all. Condoms don't affect him physically; hormonal contraception affects you badly. No brainer really.

Deadringer · 31/08/2019 15:57

Yanbu. It sounds like you have taken responsibility for long enough, it's his turn now. I was on the pill for years (it suited me fine) then we used condoms for years, it was great. Eventually he got the snip.

lanbro · 31/08/2019 15:57

I told my h it was either condoms or the snip, didn't take long for him to go for snip!

AmIThough · 31/08/2019 15:57

You're not unreasonable to not want to use contraceptives that affect you badly.

Is he ok with using condoms?

You can't force him to but if he's happy to, I don't see an issue.

PixiKitKat · 31/08/2019 15:58

I've done the same too. Except while I am as thinking of stopping the pill my partner encouraged me with it and said that he is more than happy to use condoms.
He doesn't complain about it at all as he's an adult and knows the responsibility is on both of us, not just me

Fraggling · 31/08/2019 15:58

Yanbu

We use condoms

After babies and a bad exp mirena I was sick of women girls on hormones cradle to grave with little care for side effects

Condoms work fine

TaskMistress · 31/08/2019 16:00

We did this for 10years. I can't take contraception so he had to suit up. He eventually had The snip

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2019 16:02

YANBU.

It’s a no brainer really.

Just make sure you use them perfectly!

mystupidmistake · 31/08/2019 16:02

That’s what we do too. We don’t have enough sex to Warrant me meddling with my body that way.

GreyHare · 31/08/2019 16:15

My husband had the snip because normal contraceptives make me either batshit crazy or I bleed all day every day.

GreyHare · 31/08/2019 16:16

Normal ffs Hormonal grrr shakes fist at auto correct

Weebitawks · 31/08/2019 16:23

I never went back on contraception after having DS1 8 years ago. DH has never complained. Why should I feel like shit and pump myself with hormones for something that we only do a few times a month? if we're lucky

timshelthechoice · 31/08/2019 16:25

YANBU. Stick to your guns because men like this are usually the sort who also assume or then try to bully or coerce you into abortion if you get pregnant.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 31/08/2019 16:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

cdtaylornats · 31/08/2019 16:27

I wonder what the lubrication on a condom is doing to your body.

Wonderland18 · 31/08/2019 16:27

I don’t even need to know the backstory, by title alone your not being unreasonable.
Contraceptives are horrible and alter our bodies, a condom doesn’t do much but dull their sensitivity the bare minimum.
He can wrap it

Original poster
RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 16:28

Phew, I thought I might have been a little unreasonable. It wasn't a complain from DP more of a..."oh, ok then" and a little sulk and that was it. I will be ringing first thing on Monday to make an appointment to get this thing out of me. Hurraahhhh GrinGrinGrin

OP posts: