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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be on a contraceptives and insist DP wears condoms

130 replies

RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 15:46

Long story short, contraceptives make me feel like a bag of sh*t.

Especially estrogen ones, which I can't actually take now anyway as I get migraines.

All progestogen ones I've tried (implant, mini pill, Mirena) I've had for at least 6 months each and never stopped bleeding on them. I have heavy periods so have been advised not to get the copper coil.

I'm getting super salty about societies expectations for women to go on hormonal contraceptives. Seems like they make a lot of women feel like crap but they just put up with it.

I'm fed up of it. I told DP yesterday I'm getting my coil out and he can use condoms from now on. He doesn't really want to do that but has no choice now because I literally said CONDOMS OR NO VAG FOR YOU.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Wonderland18 · 31/08/2019 16:29

@ILoveAllRainbowsx
My gp refused to sterilise me till I’ve tried all contraceptions. I’ve reacted bad to all of them and the only one I’ve not tried is the coil and I’m just not wanting to go through a three month bad reaction period just to get them to sterilise me. It’s bad they can all out refuse if they want to.

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2019 16:29

My gp refused to sterilise me till I’ve tried all contraceptions

Doesn’t surprise me. Mine refuses because I’m single...

BetterEatCheese · 31/08/2019 16:31

Absolutely reasonable! We are in the same boat. If he doesn't like it, get the snip

Original poster
RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 16:33

Gosh, neither me or DP have asked to be sterilised (we haven't got kids yet) but can't believe the woman is forced to try all contraceptives before doctors will even consider it. In my experience theu insist you're on a contraceptive for at least 6 months at a time as well, that's a lot of time feeling like crap unnecessarily.

OP posts:
LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 31/08/2019 16:34

Yanbu at all. I've had a copper coil and an implant over recent years and both were horrible. I told dh it was either a vasectomy or condoms and he won't have the snip so...

Rachelover40 · 31/08/2019 16:35

You're not unreasonable. There are other types of contraceptive though, it might be worth giving them a try.

SirJamesTalbotAndHisSpeculum · 31/08/2019 16:36

Have you thought about using a diaphragm or cervical cap + spermicide?

Worked for us. The problem is nowadays that there are not many nurses who can fit them any more.

Original poster
RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 16:38

@Rachelover40 I thought I'd more or less run out of options for contraceptives? Which alternatives were you thinking of?

OP posts:
Jaffacakebeast · 31/08/2019 16:41

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 What follows this conversation is a good guide to if your bf/dh is a secret Misogynist. A bloke once said to me using a condom was like gettin the bus to Blackpool vs driving a Lamborghini there, I told him it was bus or nothing.... he didn’t last long

theconstantinoplegardener · 31/08/2019 16:41

Another vote for the diaphragm! Have a look at the Caya diaphragm, available on Amazon. That way, you won't have to put up with side effects from the pill and he won't suffer the reduction in sensitivity that can be a problem with condoms.

INeedAFlerken · 31/08/2019 16:42

I can't use hormonal contraceptives (am affected by a rare side effect) and wouldn't even consider putting metal foreign objects (coils, etc) into my body. Condoms or the snip ... Dh had the snip after we were done having children. Promptly.

INeedAFlerken · 31/08/2019 16:44

I bet most GPs are men who are insisting women keep torturing themselves with hormones and foreign objects that make them feel like crap, too, before even considering the more permanent solutions. Really shit.

AmIThough · 31/08/2019 16:45

@INeedAFlerken or female sterilisation is a life-changing procedure whereas men will recover in a few days

Tyrotoxicity · 31/08/2019 16:48

Totes NBU, but you know that.

It's pretty simple, really. You don't consent to filling your body with artificial hormones, and you don't consent to unprotected penetration.

It's up to him what he decides to do with that - his options are condoms or no PIV. Glad he's not being an arse about it!

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2019 16:48

or female sterilisation is a life-changing procedure whereas men will recover in a few days

But if the woman is requesting it for her benefit and in receipt of all the information, it should be considered.

ChodeMcwinkle · 31/08/2019 16:49

I use Natural Cycles app - it's bloody brilliant

Purpleartichoke · 31/08/2019 16:52

Hormonal contraception is awful. I’m glad it works for some women, but it does not work for me.

So we used condoms. Thought about a diaphragm, but latex allergies and ease of use meant condoms were a better choice.

Alsohuman · 31/08/2019 16:53

Female sterilisation is now a keyhole procedure, no worse than a vasectomy.

No, you’re not being unreasonable, OP.

princesscallie · 31/08/2019 16:53

YANBU Since I've had my kids I've been on the pill and had the coil it. It didnt agree with me at all so I went back on the pill and just before Christmas last year I was going through some things and didnt want to take it anymore. So we have been using condoms since then. I miss not using them for some personal reasons but its grand most of the time. The only thing is it makes it easier to track how often (or not) we do the deed.

Wonderland18 · 31/08/2019 16:54

@AmIThough It might be a larger operation for women than men. But if a women is requesting it then it doesn’t make it okay for a GP to just say no. especially if there’s a lot of evidence to support it being the best option.

AmIThough · 31/08/2019 16:55

@JacquesHammer I completely agree.
My comment was in response to the assumption that we're not allowed to be sterilised because the men said so, when that's not really the case.

JacquesHammer · 31/08/2019 16:56

I completely agree.
My comment was in response to the assumption that we're not allowed to be sterilised because the men said so, when that's not really the case

My apologies, I completely misunderstood! You are of course absolutely correct!

CaMePlaitPas · 31/08/2019 16:57

YABNU - I have done this, I have had enough. Also, I've got two children so I'm busy with them most of the time, rarely have time for sex, so the time that we do he wears a condom.

I bled for for solid months on the implant and gained 6kg as hormonal contraception makes me swell up. I'm still dealing with the fall out- dreadful.

DerelictWreck · 31/08/2019 16:57

Female sterilisation is now a keyhole procedure, no worse than a vasectomy.

Bollocks. I had keyhole on my ovaries and I was out of action for almost a month

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 31/08/2019 17:01

Of course it's fine

I'm 26 and have never been on any contraception. Have used condoms with my husband for 3.5 years, will continue to unless we have kids or one of us gets sterilised. Never had an accident either.