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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to be on a contraceptives and insist DP wears condoms

130 replies

RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 15:46

Long story short, contraceptives make me feel like a bag of sh*t.

Especially estrogen ones, which I can't actually take now anyway as I get migraines.

All progestogen ones I've tried (implant, mini pill, Mirena) I've had for at least 6 months each and never stopped bleeding on them. I have heavy periods so have been advised not to get the copper coil.

I'm getting super salty about societies expectations for women to go on hormonal contraceptives. Seems like they make a lot of women feel like crap but they just put up with it.

I'm fed up of it. I told DP yesterday I'm getting my coil out and he can use condoms from now on. He doesn't really want to do that but has no choice now because I literally said CONDOMS OR NO VAG FOR YOU.

AIBU?

OP posts:
waggydog21 · 31/08/2019 18:40

YANBU, you’ve given other options a good go and none of them worked and made you suffer physical symptoms. He can put a condom on the end of it.

Original poster
RedPurpleyBlue · 31/08/2019 18:46

Thanks so much for all responses. I've made my mind up for certain now that I'm getting it removed. Just hope the constant bleeding stops fairly soon after removal fingers crossed.

Condoms it is.

OP posts:
randomchap · 31/08/2019 18:46

Your body, your choice.

If your partner doesn't understand how bad the other options make you feel, then maybe you should consider if he is the right partner for you.

Bubbletrouble43 · 31/08/2019 19:26

I got sterilized when I had my last dc by c section but here to agree with a pp that the cap or diaphragm was the best option I ( finally) found after trying EVERYTHING. I didn't get on with hormones at all. Yanbu to think it's his turn op.

Confrontayshunme · 31/08/2019 20:09

I vomited every day that I took the pill. They asked me to try to stick it out. 1 year and 4 types of pill later, I decided that I was done. I also had severe HG in both pregnancies. My DH was very happy to wear a condom. Plus, I don't have to deal with postcoital cleanup so WIN. Then he had the snip.

QueenOfCatan · 31/08/2019 20:12

Yanbu. I stopped using hormonal contraceptives in my early 20s and DH and I have always used condoms. We both prefer it without but we also have only had children when we planned to have them and don't fancy any more so use condoms!

SarahTancredi · 31/08/2019 20:21

Yanbu

I don't get on with hormonal.contraception and I cant have a coil.

I'm not having surgery I carried two babies the way I see it I'd it's his turn.

Dp is ok with it. We use condoms.

Course I think.im allergic to some as they hurt like hell Hmm typical Grin so we have to order online for special ones but other than that all good

DerelictWreck · 31/08/2019 21:36

Just because you were out of action for a month doesn’t mean that others will be similarly affected.

And the same is true in reverse - just because someone found it easy to recover from doesn't mean it's not invasive.

And unless they've also had a vasectomy, they're hardly an authority on the comparison are they.

BarbaraStrozzi · 31/08/2019 21:40

YANBU

Apart from a couple of brief and horrible experiments with the pill (it gives me crippling depression) I spent the thirty years for which I was sexually active and fertile relying on condoms. One planned pregnancy, no accidental pregnancies, partners didn't make a fuss about it.

OnlyLittleMissOrganised · 31/08/2019 21:46

I've used condoms with my husband for most of the relationship. This is actually because he said he didn't know what the hormones would do to my body long term and would prefer me not to use them. Never had an issue with condoms.

bd67th · 31/08/2019 21:49

Just because you were out of action for a month doesn’t mean that others will be similarly affected.

My lapi (to remove endometriosis) laid me low for three weeks. Keyhole surgery involves cutting through the muscles of the abdominal wall. It still takes time to heal, and will affect some women badly.

bd67th · 31/08/2019 21:50

OP YANBU

PlinkPlink · 31/08/2019 21:51

Hormonal contraception gives me depression.

You are not alone here.

I get pissed off with having hormonal contraception practically foisted on me every time I visit the GP or nurse.

Piss off! I am an educated woman who knows the implications of not having contraception.

As for men who complain, they can piss right off too Grin

POP7777777 · 31/08/2019 21:52

Yanbu

june2007 · 31/08/2019 21:54

Well I got my first from relying on condoms so it's a no from me.

AlexaAmbidextra · 31/08/2019 21:56

And the same is true in reverse - just because someone found it easy to recover from doesn't mean it's not invasive.

DerelictWreck. I think you’ll find it wasn’t me that said it wasn’t invasive. Of course it’s invasive. I merely said that it doesn’t have to lay you out for a month.

SarahTancredi · 31/08/2019 22:01

Well I got my first from relying on condoms so it's a no from me

Used properly they have something like a 98/99 percent success rate dont they?

That's about as high as you can get really i dont think.theres really that much in it .
Plus pills can be forgotten/affected by medication and coils can migrate and its only condoms that protect against stis.

Most contraception fails from human error more than anything else

WhatTiggersDoBest · 31/08/2019 22:03

YANBU! Aside from when we were TTC, we've been only using condoms for 9 years because I get migraines with aura and can't take any hormonal contraception. There are so many types of condoms out there that there's bound to be a type your DH gets on with. Wink

JollyAndBright · 31/08/2019 22:03

I absolutely swear by my diaphragm.

I literally recommend them to everyone, I’ve no idea why they aren’t recommended more by HCP (probably because could are cheaper).

I’ve used one since my teens, I’m mid 30’s now and use it almost daily.

bd67th · 31/08/2019 22:06

I absolutely swear by my diaphragm.

I literally recommend them to everyone, I’ve no idea why they aren’t recommended more by HCP

  1. Latex allergy risk.
  2. They increase the risk to the woman of getting post-coital cystitis. Which, if she's already even remotely prone to it, makes it a no-no.
CatteStreet · 31/08/2019 22:13

I came off the pill over fifteen years ago to conceive dc1 and never went back on. I later found out I have clotting factors, so hormonal contraception would be unwise anyway. Condoms (plus cycle awareness) have been our method of choice when not ttc ever since and have never let us down.

CaptSkippy · 31/08/2019 22:13

Definitely not unreasonable.

And besides condoms there is also the option of sterilization/vasectomy or skipping PIV.

BarbaraStrozzi · 31/08/2019 22:16

I quite liked the diaphragm, but was always very aware of the fact that unlike a condom (where mostly it's obvious that it's failed - not always), the diaphragm has quite a high failure rate and you can't tell till the missed period. Going off friends' experiences, I'd describe it as a family size reduction method rather than a contraceptive.

I also had several episodes of cystitis using it - you have to be scrupulous about going to the toilet immediately after sex.

Jinxed2 · 31/08/2019 22:19

Hubby had the snip, GP was fine with it, referred him straight away

GibbonLover · 31/08/2019 22:24

Bilateral salpingetomy here, although through necessity rather than choice. Four tiny incisions, recovered within the week and no problems since. Most painful thing was the gas. To be fair, it WAS life changing - I don't need contraception anymore!
Stupid thing was, I'd been denied ligation as no DC and would obviously change my mind, what with being a woman and all that. It took PID, which turned into peritonitis and sepsis, to get it done.