To refuse to be on a contraceptives and insist DP wears condoms

[RedPurpleyBlue]

Long story short, contraceptives make me feel like a bag of sh*t.

Especially estrogen ones, which I can't actually take now anyway as I get migraines.

All progestogen ones I've tried (implant, mini pill, Mirena) I've had for at least 6 months each and never stopped bleeding on them. I have heavy periods so have been advised not to get the copper coil.

I'm getting super salty about societies expectations for women to go on hormonal contraceptives. Seems like they make a lot of women feel like crap but they just put up with it.

I'm fed up of it. I told DP yesterday I'm getting my coil out and he can use condoms from now on. He doesn't really want to do that but has no choice now because I literally said CONDOMS OR NO VAG FOR YOU.

AIBU?

Its exactly what we do, and he has to remember to buy them too.

The pill messes with me and turns me crazy, and from a very early stage (before we had joint finances) I pointed out to (now) DH I have to remember to have and pay for sanitary products, therefore the condoms are his to sort 🙈 both deal with our own reproductive juices 🙊

you have to be scrupulous about going to the toilet immediately after sex.

Not even that is enough for me, and that's without a diaphragm. For a while, I mostly got away with having sex before 7pm so that I peed.several times before sleeping. Last time, over a year ago, I had sex one afternoon, got cystitis, took antibiotics for a week and still had cystitis a month later, needing a different antibiotic to treat. Basically, my skin bacteria are now resistant to first-line cystitis antibiotics. I haven't dared have sex since.

So I don't recommend diaphragms or even PIV at all to women who get post-coital cystitis easily. Antibiotics don't work forever. (This is also.anmajor reason why I stridently denounce any suggestion of a "right to sex".)

Before anyone says."have you tried a different sex.position": yes, many, and none of them help when your urethra is actually in your vaginal introitus.

BD that sounds horrible for you. (I get very pissed off with the whole "only PIV is proper sex thing: one of the most satisfying and nicest relationships I've ever had involved no PIV - still plenty of orgasms).

Definitely YANBU. He can get the snip.

YANBU, at all.

I bled constantly on the contraceptive pill and just felt so flat. Killed my libido, too. So sod that.

Not U at all, I did the same.
I had the coil in, I bled for 6 months straight and all I did was cry, went on the pill and all I get is what I call 'pill rage' I'm so incredibly angry all the time, I've tried everything and nothing agrees with me, I find it difficult to control myself when I'm hormonal as it is so I think adding more into my system is a no no for me.
Be very careful though, we risked it once or twice with the pull out method (stupidly I know) and I got pregnant, you think I would know better in my 30s but I thought I was on the ball with tracking ovulation, obviously not!
We are done having babies now so my OH has recently had the snip, he was in pain for a few days but for a long term solution its definitely worth it.

@Yellowpolkadot
Reproductive juices I think it was a little bit sick in my mouth reading that lol

@Catbrat sorry, (then) 15 year old DH came up with it and it just stuck... 15 years on he still finds it hilarious

RE diaphragm.

1. Latex allergy risk - is probably the same as condoms.
2. They increase the risk to the woman of getting post-coital cystitis. Which, if she's already even remotely prone to it, makes it a no-no - when you first start using it yes it does potentially increase the risk but over time as your body gets used to it’s place the risk reduces.

Also in reference to the failure rate compared to condoms mentioned by another poster, this is only applicable when using without spermicidal gel, with the gel the potential failure rate decreases hugely.

If used correctly and with spermicidal gel the diaphragm is extremely affective.

No of course you're not, women get the raw deal here. I would say approach with caution though, condoms are only 99% or whatever effective when fitted correctly, the reality for most people is much less than 99% (can't remember but there is a stat and it's much lower) because so many don't fit them properly (my DS2 is proof of that......)

If pregnancy is absolutely not good for you right now I'd perhaps look at avoiding your most fertile days as a secondary precaution.

RedPurpleyBlue

you are sooooo not being unreasonable. While I usually say if a woman doesn't want to get pregnant then it's on them to prevent it - you are obviously in a long term. loving relationship so contraception is 50/50 - if you don't plan on more/any kids then is vasectomy an option?

I hate that the majority of contraception is hormonal and only impacts women

bd67th

ya'll know that peeing after sex is a contraceptive myth, right? Different holes, different uses.

Peeing after sex is nothing to do with contraception, it's to flush out any bacteria which may have been pushed into the urethra to prevent cystitis.

With regards to those saying there is a risk of latex allergy from diaphragms, modern diaphragms are made from silicone, so there is no latex allergy risk.

Condoms all the way. I was devastated when my DH pointed out that to get pregnant he’d have to take the condom off. He just looked at me like I had lost my mind

My DH won't use them or get the snip. He's seen me give birth twice with only gas and air and see one DS get stuck... yet he seems happy for me to live with extremely heavy periods that drop my iron every month on the copper coil.

Aannnaa read my post again. I was talking about trying to prevent cystitis.

TriJo LTB. You deserve better than to be married to someone that contemptuous of your body.

Jollyandbright latex free condoms also exist and are a godsend.

Reading this with interest. We are currently using the lactation amennhorhea method but DS is starting on solids this month so time to move on. Considering one of the apps (although seems an expensive form of, essentially, getting to know yourself and your body, and relies on periods which haven't returned for me yet...) or natural family planning in conjunction with condoms. I've definitely completed my family and do not ever want to be pregnant again but not keen on sterilisation due to heavier periods/ recovery time. For us, I'm happy that the contraceptive burden does fall more to me as DH would probably not be averse to more kids.

Men absolutely have the right to refuse the snip (which does have a 10% risk of ore serious complications such as lifelong pain, failure or blood clots etc) or condoms but do need to accept it's no PIV if no other contraception works.

YANBU. I took the pill for a short while in my late teens and hated it. Then I had the implant for 3 years and hated it. I refused to try any more hormonal contraception so me and dh just used condoms, he wasn't keen at first but he didn't exactly have a choice. We stopped to ttc then used them in between dc's and I've had a copper coil since shortly after ds was born. I'm not loving it tbh and I think I'll probably get it out soon so it will be back to condoms I guess, unless dh agrees to the snip.

Well it's reallying on condoms that got me up the duff i the first place. So it's a no from me. How about IUD that non hormonal or the diaphram?

MemorialBeach is completely correct, I’ve just checked the box of one of mine and they are all silicone.
I’d never given it much thought to be perfectly honest.

So diaphragms give no latex risk at all.

YANBU at all. I haven’t used hormonal contraception for years, I pointblank refuse to. DH has always used condoms when we haven’t been TTC, no slip ups so far.

If men have an issue with it, they should fight for a male contraceptive.

Not at all unreasonable if all the other methods are making you feel like that. I do think statistically condoms are less effective but if they are your only option then that is completely reasonable