To not speak to my husband over Brexit!

[telvg]

So does anyone virtually want a divorce because their partner agrees with No Deal? I feel like telling my husband, when we have no money and food prices are sky high, or if someone we know can’t get medicine they need, that it’s his fault for supporting Brexit and No Deal. I don’t understand why people are so short sighted and can’t see the bigger picture. Everyone my age (mid 40s) and younger, who went to University, is anti Brexit, or at least anti No Deal. Even the most staunch, Middle Class over 60s, don’t support No Deal. The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people. So why does my husband agree with it? I feel he’s not the man I married. So am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

As for the notion that breaking up a family is not at all detrimental to children if done properly, wow! And yet that poster feels morally superior on the grounds that they voted remain!

Eeyoreshouse

I am surprised that your son, and indeed all highly educated folk who share the same views, have not yet realised that there is no such thing as "no deal".

Of course he realises this, and thinks that a clean break will allow us to begin proper negotiations with the rest of the world including the EU and move forwards.

As for the notion that breaking up a family is not at all detrimental to children if done properly, wow!

That was me. It’s a fairly well-publicised through school now. However I firmly believe it’s the case.

And yet that poster feels morally superior on the grounds that they voted remain!

No. I feel morally superior to the two people I know who voted leave and are - very openly and vocally - bigots. Wouldn’t you feel you had the moral high ground on people like that?

*thought school

Aderyn19

You seem to be conflating marital split and lack of morals. That’s a fairly bizarre thought process. Have you thought about it?!

Jacques, splitting up a family does affect children. People who claim it doesn't are deluding themselves because it suits their own agenda. Obviously in situations where there is violence and abuse or lots of arguing then it's better for the children to have separated parents. But to break up a family on account of political differences, is not doing what is best for them.

The poster upthread said her ex's voting confirmed for her what she knew already about his personality. Presumably she was divorcing him because of that personality. To bring his voting into it makes no logical sense unless she think all remain voting husbands are perfect!

But to break up a family on account of political differences, is not doing what is best for them

Fundamental differences between parents is a fairly reasonable reason to split up.

I maintain that handled well, a split can be positive for all parties - it’s certainly my experience.

Wouldn’t you feel you had the moral high ground on people like that?

Nope, I wouldn't give a toss on their views to be honest. It's their view. I wouldn't give it much or any thought after whatever conversation had taken place.

Nope, I wouldn't give a toss on their views to be honest. It's their view. I wouldn't give it much or any thought after whatever conversation had taken place

Then you’re right we’re different. Very.

I have no problem with differing views. I don’t wish to be friends/remain in contact with people who judge others, and use it as a reasonable thought process when deciding how to vote - on the colour of their skin.

There are plenty of good reasons to separate and where separation is to the benefit of the children in the long run. But imho, this isn't one of them.
You are deluding yourself if you think children don't suffer when their family splits, however well you handle it and even when you've left for very good reasons.

I guess in 20 years we can ask the kids if they thought it was good that mum left dad because he exercised his democratic right to an opinion that wasn't the same as hers.

You are deluding yourself if you think children don't suffer when their family splits, however well you handle it and even when you've left for very good reasons

I think you’re wrong. Obviously you have no idea of the minutiae of anyone’s life.

However this is a massive detail isn’t it?

It would change the way I saw my DH if he wanted "no deal"; just in the same way as if he started to read the Sun /Daily Mail newspaper, for example. It's not the act of doing these things but the kind of values they represent. It would make me feel that we were fundamentally incompatible and I don't think I would want to spend my life with this type of person.

if someone we know can’t get medicine they need, that it’s his fault for supporting Brexit and No Deal.

I don't know your DH - is he still happy that No Deal will mean my epilepsy medication will not be available in the amounts needed to keep me and my fellow epilepsy sufferers safe?

I've said this on other threads but...

Many people have said to me that of course the EU won't withhold medicines - they don't seem to understand that that isn't the issue. It's the ports, checks and the paperwork that will cause huge delays and a backlog.

If I don't take my medicine twice a day I have tonic clonic seizures. I'm on the waiting list for a brain operation but in the meantime each fit could kill me. Sorry if TMI but during a seizure my jaw locks and sometimes while it is locked I am sick so choke on it until paramedics are able to help. If they don't arrive on time I would probably die. This is not hyperbole it's reality.

Its perfect legitimate therefore that I am terrified a No Deal Brexit.

I'm not scaremongering, I'm terrified. Would he still say it was for the best if his kid had epilepsy? Or diabetes and wouldn't be able to get insulin? Of course he fucking wouldn't.

Call him out, even if he doesn't care and believes that the benefits in his opinion of No Deal outweigh the negatives, don't pretend that he doesn't understand that people like me will suffer. Until I had to cut back due to seizures I ran a business and employed staff. I've paid much more than average in tax than your husband over the last 10 years and a No Deal will put my life at risk.

If he stands by his opinion it's his democratic right but as a sensible thinking person he should feel comfortable saying that the risk to me and people like me is worth more than the potential reward he imagines.

It all massively smacks of Not. In. My. Backyard.

Bodgeitandscarper

Of course he realises this, and thinks that a clean break will allow us to begin proper negotiations with the rest of the world including the EU and move forwards

But internationally we have to negotiate more than 50 trade agreements just to catch up with the position we are in with the EU now. The EU is and will remain our most important trading partner for geographical reasons (it's geographical position won't change!) and it is the world's largest trading block. To voluntarily remove ourselves from it to gain an illusory sense of control (that we had anyway) is a classic definition off cutting off your nose to spite your face. Reaching out to the USA and other countries first will just muddy the waters and make negotiations with individual European countries far more complex and difficult. It makes no logical sense at all!

Oh and I think many Brexit and No Deal supporters are absolutely not racist, xenophobic or uneducated. Many are however privileged, entitled and unwilling to look beyond the consequences for them - which will be limited. AKA being selfish and (admittedly perhaps unwittingly) elitist.

ffs, this is a marriage that already has underlying problems if brexit result is going to potentially break it up. he possibly thinks you're being twatty too for your ideas. there is no known outcome of what will happen afterwards yet because we haven't left yet.

I don’t understand those who says people are expressing their opinion or view. To me it is so much more. It’s about fundamental values in life.

After endless rows my family and I do not talk about it anymore.

Curly, it's the remainers I know who are the privileged ones - the people not affected by freedom of movement except in the sense that they can employ cheaper labour than they might otherwise get.
I read on MN some time ago that the middle class voted remain so their children could work in Europe, the working class voted leave so their children could work!
It's not the whole story but I think there's something in that.

The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people

...and then there is your husband who is presumably none of these things. So your assumption is off from the start.

So why does my husband agree with it?

Have you actually asked him and given him a free platform without interruption?

I feel he’s not the man I married

They are all the men we married. The point of marriage is that you get to know one another on a deeper and deeper level as time goes on. If you don't like what you find, that's another matter.

Hopefully your marriage is built on sufficiently strong foundations that it can weather some political disagreement. Everyone thinks they are right - human nature, innit?

(Disclaimer: I did not vote for Brexit)

I support no deal, bearing in mind that this whole disaster can now be laid firmly at the feet of MPs who had three opportunities to vote for a deal, but believe they know better than the ordinary person on the street

Errr.....but they do know better than the ordinary person on the street. That's why they are MPs. Most MPs are well educated and well read. The ordinary person in the street is as thick as pigshit.

It's because Cameron decided to hand over control for making a very important decision to the ordinary person in the street, most of whom had no idea of what they were actually voting for, other than to get rid of foreigners, that the fucking country is in this mess.

The ordinary person in the street is lucky to get a vote once every 4 years. If I had my way, there'd be an IQ test before you could vote.

Ffs, it's because of the ordinary person in the street that we have to have warnings on bleach not to drink it, and have to write "contains nuts" on a bag of mixed nuts.

I wouldn't trust the ordinary man in the street to run a bath, never mind the country.

@triciah87 Why should the EU offer us a good deal? Why do you think it's their fault? The UK voted to leave so it's up to us to beg them to give us any kind of deal at all.

As for the OP's original point it does seem that all the ignorant, racist wankers vote Leave rather than Remain, but there are also those who voted Leave for other reasons.

I couldn't tolerate living with someone so politically different to me because it affects every area of your life, not just on polling day.

I

Ffs, it's because of the ordinary person in the street that we have to have warnings on bleach not to drink it, and have to write "contains nuts" on a bag of mixed nuts.

It's also because of the ordinary person on the street that we have votes and aren't speaking German, and haven't marched half the world into ovens. Just in case you forget that.

Curly, it's the remainers I know who are the privileged ones - the people not affected by freedom of movement except in the sense that they can employ cheaper labour than they might otherwise get. I read on MN some time ago that the middle class voted remain so their children could work in Europe, the working class voted leave so their children could work! It's not the whole story but I think there's something in that.

I agree with you in that many of my friends with a very comfortable start in life are what I would call champagne socialists. They are remainders because they think it is the moral high ground.

As someone who grew up in care, clawed my way to a grammar school (which I still feel guilty about!), sixth form and running a successful business employing people I honestly have seen the toughest starts in life and also known the most privileged people in life.

Both ends of the spectrum have huge swathes of people who voted for Brexit. Those who are not high earners voted Brexit because they found it hard to find work when their "competition" was people from other countries employed by awful bosses who pay cash in hand below minimum wage. High earners people who know it won't affect them day to day IME wanted "a change" or "our own laws".

Nobody is yet to answer when I ask for a specific example for a law dictated by the EU that they disagree with.

I have not said either is invalid but I am allowed a personal opinion too, which many brexiteers I've spoken to in person seem to think is virtue signalling because they think of me as a business woman who won't be that affected and have no idea of my background / my current illness.

I hope that in this and my previous post I have not vilified leavers / no dealers - in fact I have explained I dont think they are racist / xenophobic.

But I do absolutely think their decision would be altered if their kids would be directly affected by the outcome - medicine shortages being an example.

I cannot order more than a months worth of my epilepsy medication now because of this. Im on the waiting list for brain surgery.

My fear re no deal is real and justified. All things considered I think I've been pretty understanding of different opinions.

• remainers not remainders in my last post - autocorrect not lack of knowledge!