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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse DD “poverty” lunch?

263 replies

questions3900 · 30/08/2019 12:09

DD is an elite athlete training many hours. We pay for hot school meals at lunch time as she does long hours straight after school. She phoned me to say that it was announced in form today is poverty lunch where they will have a cup of soup to feel the hardship some people go through and the money saved by not providing full hot food options goes straight to charity. DD called to ask if I would bring snacks for on the way to training. I called the school to complain and they have DD given a full normal lunch. DD is livid and embarrassed. AIBU to think as parents we should at least be told if this is planned? If it I had known in advanced I could have prepared food for on the way to training but I rely on the hot food I pay for her to have at school otherwise.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 12:13
Hmm
QueenofallIsee · 30/08/2019 12:13

I can see why your DD was embarrassed but by the same token, I think you were justified! They should have notified parents - kids who are hyperglycaemic, diabetic, athletes simply can’t miss a meal without ill effects

Jemima232 · 30/08/2019 12:14

I don't think one day would make any difference, OP.

It's a good life lesson for the children to have a poverty lunch.

It won't be a regular feature, surely? I don't understand why you complained, either. Now your DD has been embarrassed aand she will not be happy about that.

HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 12:14

Of course you all should have been told...but are you sure DD didn't just forget to tell you or something? Maybe there was a form? It seems odd...some children might have special dietary requirements for health etc...obviously your DD is in need of more than soup...but you were wrong to complain and have them bring her a lunch.

She'd asked you to bring snacks...could you not do that?

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 12:14

How old is this “elite” athlete?

OtraCosaMariposa · 30/08/2019 12:15

Yes they should have told you and given you the option of taking part or not.

IAskTooManyQuestions · 30/08/2019 12:15

Charity is not an obligation. I would object on the grounds I object to being half nelsoned into contributing to somone elses pet project.

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2019 12:15

How old is she?

EvilEdna1 · 30/08/2019 12:16

Maybe it is a good lesson on why kids who live in poverty don't tend to become elite athletes.

Stressedout10 · 30/08/2019 12:16

If the hot school meals are anything like the ones here soup would be more nutritious than the normal.
But yes you should have been told in advance especially if they expect you to pay the same price as normal

ScarlettDarling · 30/08/2019 12:17

I'm surprised that you weren't informed of this beforehand and tbh I do think you were being unreasonable to make a big thing of complaining about it and insisting your dd was served a full lunch. This sort of singling out is really embarrassing to kids and she'd have been mortified.

I'd have just brought the extra snacks later as she requested but what's done is done so no point dwelling on it now.

shearwater · 30/08/2019 12:18

Sounds rather rubbish on the part of the school. How much notice were you given?

HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 12:19

What about the kids who are already in bloody poverty at the school? is it a state school OP? Those kids rely on that hot lunch.

Toooldtocareanymore · 30/08/2019 12:19

they should have announced this in advance so you could make your own mind up after discussion with dd, or plan your own way to deal with it, its not their business to decide to donate your money to charity. If you were not given any warning I don't see how you are wrong to complain- although I see this opinion is going contrary to most.

Poochandmutt · 30/08/2019 12:21

School at fault here ,your dd needs fuel to be able to train..with a bit of planning in advance from the school ,dd could of had the soup and taken extra food in

Toastedstrudel · 30/08/2019 12:22

How embarrassing for her. She will not die doing sport on soup. The school will have informed the students and parents, it was obviously missed.

You sound privileged and entitled.

ISayWhatNow · 30/08/2019 12:23

That's absolutely ridiculous! Who on earth thought it was a good idea to let children go through their afternoon being inadequately fed?! I don't see this as appropriate at all and I'd be furious if this was my dd.

JamesBlonde1 · 30/08/2019 12:23

Do the school really think poverty lunch and money to charity makes a difference? It's a massive problem and this token gesture achieves nothing.

I'm in my 40's. This was being done in the 80's. And Live Aid.

Is it still happening and is it still the dictators of those countries badly managing them or is it global warming now?

CherryPavlova · 30/08/2019 12:24

Are you serious? More important things to tangle your underwear about.

herculepoirot2 · 30/08/2019 12:24

I think that’s an important lesson, and she has missed out on it.

dollydaydream114 · 30/08/2019 12:24

You should have been told in advance so you could provide whatever DD needed in addition to the soup - if she is doing hours of strenuous training in any sport she obviously does need way more calories than that, even if just to avoid passing out or having dizzy spells while exercising.

I actually suspect DD probably was told this previously and just forgot to mention it until she was reminded today, though.

Personally, I also think trying to teach kids what poverty is like by giving them one small lunch is incredibly patronising to people who really are in poverty and eat like that, or don’t eat at all, every day of their lives. There are better ways of educating kids about poverty.

RedskyLastNight · 30/08/2019 12:25

I'm hoping this is a private school or one in a very affluent area.
Otherwise many of the children (sadly) will already know what a poverty meal is like and shouldn't have another one forced on them!

ChickenyChick · 30/08/2019 12:25

I would leave it completely up to my DC to decide to participate or not

Just bring snacks

LolaSmiles · 30/08/2019 12:27

Whether home were informed depends on the age of the child in my opinion.

Equally I can entirely see why your DC would be moritifed and unimpressed and your involvement. She called to arrange some snacks, not to complain about involvement. Your actions then led to her being singled out against her wishes.

We have national and international level players in our school. Sometimes we see them eating total garbage for lunch and snacks. They're teens just like any other. I highly doubt one soup for lunch was going to cause a massive issue. You overreacted in my opinion.