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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse DD “poverty” lunch?

263 replies

questions3900 · 30/08/2019 12:09

DD is an elite athlete training many hours. We pay for hot school meals at lunch time as she does long hours straight after school. She phoned me to say that it was announced in form today is poverty lunch where they will have a cup of soup to feel the hardship some people go through and the money saved by not providing full hot food options goes straight to charity. DD called to ask if I would bring snacks for on the way to training. I called the school to complain and they have DD given a full normal lunch. DD is livid and embarrassed. AIBU to think as parents we should at least be told if this is planned? If it I had known in advanced I could have prepared food for on the way to training but I rely on the hot food I pay for her to have at school otherwise.

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 30/08/2019 13:23

38 hours training a week on top of a full school week as a teenager doesn't sound much healthier than a soup lunch for a day in the broader sense, but each to their own. I do sort of agree with you OP though really, they should have advised, there would presumably be children for whom the soup would not have been adequate anyway, a lesson does not have to be literal for it to sink in and pretending to be in poverty for 20 minutes over lunch hardly teaches anything.

Not surprised she was embarrassed but what outcome did she want that was realistic? driving in to school to deliver 'snacks' isn't much different to having just had the soup and is excessive. Can a teenager not buy snacks at school anymore? Not sure you could have won really OP. I'm sure it will all be forgotten soon enough.

Dieu · 30/08/2019 13:24

And to those who'd be 'livid' and 'furious', I honestly can't believe you'd be getting your knickers in a knot over this.

Lighteninginabottle27 · 30/08/2019 13:27

I'm sure people don't watch our dedicated athletes representing Team GB in the Olympics and think that their parents should of been less 'precious'.
If there is desire and ambition, nurture it.

A cuppa soup is a woefully inadequate lunch for any child and teaches FA about poverty. I'd have done the same as the OP for what it's worth. I train alot and as soon as I'm hungry I just become irritable and fuzzy.

alittleprivacy · 30/08/2019 13:28

Why are people being arsey about the OP's daughter being an elite athlete. It's really not a term that people would use lightly. And a teen who trains 38 hours a week is either in that category or insanely dedicated to a delusion. Either way, they need sustenance and probably don't have a whole lot of body fat to burn. Athletic children don't tend to have body fat to spare.

As for the fact that elite athletes have ways of getting through Ramadan, would you ever go away and shite for yourself. It makes you look like a complete idiot and a wanker. That whole article goes into how it's so tough most muslim athletes don't do it. And those who do, have to choose not to some years depending on circumstance. That when they do, do it, it takes massive amounts of planning and adhering to severe nutritional proscriptions. It doesn't involve just randomly having a subpar lunch one day and being expected to get on with it.

Alsohuman · 30/08/2019 13:28

Where did the cuppa soup come from? That isn’t what OP said.

SarahTancredi · 30/08/2019 13:29

And to those who'd be 'livid' and 'furious', I honestly can't believe you'd be getting your knickers in a knot over this

What? In a twist over your money to a charity you didnt pick and may well have boycotted if you knew who it was.

An establishment taking money for something then not delivering what was paid for..

Yeah that's unreasonable Hmm

Oh and then theres screwing over the very kids you think you are helping.

Very charitable hey...

tttigress · 30/08/2019 13:29

How would it work if you are on free school meals? You can't have the meal today, which might be your main meal if the day??!!

How would it work if you bring sandwiches? You have then taken off you??!!

As others said, this has been going on for generations, with no impact, probably takes more effort to organise this "poverty" than just give the kids their normal meals.

Sugarformyhoney · 30/08/2019 13:30

Yabu. It’s a few hours! How embarrassing for both of you!

VladmirsPoutine · 30/08/2019 13:33

Why was she "livid" and "embarrassed"? I think you might want to have a chat with her about resilience particularly if she's going to forge a career in sporting - disappointments will be aplenty.

SarahTancredi · 30/08/2019 13:34

How would it work if you bring sandwiches? You have then taken off you??!!

Sure any parent who hadnt eaten in three days as all the food went to the kids would have been.thrilled at them not being eaten right...

notacooldad · 30/08/2019 13:34

If you are on a roll with the school I'd ask to see the receipt of how much they send to the charity!

ThatCurlyGirl · 30/08/2019 13:37

Just to clarify in case my post sounded like I was having a go / calling OP out, I was being positive - I'm amazed at them fitting the hours in and the dedication it must take for the whole family.

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 13:38

The outrage at your money to a charity you didn’t pick!! Grin
You do know a school dinner is a little over two quid, right? Less than a Costa coffee?

TheNavigator · 30/08/2019 13:39

Elite jockeys fast before they ride. Elite boxers frequently fast the week before a major fight. These are professionals making a living from their sport. I am sure your amateur daughter would have survived one day on a meal of soup.

Alsohuman · 30/08/2019 13:40

It’s just occurred to me, are the schools actually back yet? It’s still only August.

edwinbear · 30/08/2019 13:42

I have a squad level (primary age so not as many hours) gymnast and a county level runner. If you are relying on school meals to provide the nutrition she needs as an elite YABVU. She is perfectly able to train for one session on the c.300-400 calorie deficit soup vs a school lunch would have provided, in the context of the rest of her daily intake.

You used this as an excuse to remind the school how good she is at gymnastics didn't you. I'm not surprised she's embarrassed.

SarahTancredi · 30/08/2019 13:43

Yes head .

Many people very carefully pick their charities they donate to. For instance many people now refuse to donate to charities such as the nspcc

Why is that hard to understand?

LadyInTheHouse · 30/08/2019 13:43

If this was really done without any notice and was obligatory, I would be livid!

Charity should always be voluntary, that’s what charity is.

Anyway, why do people think you have to fast or miss meals in order to know what it feels like. How does that actually help anyone? Should we wear blindfolds for a day so we know what it’s like to be blind? How about mufflers so you’re deaf for a day. Or being in a wheelchair. The whole thing is ridiculous and patronising imo.

It would be better to volunteer at a food bank or get the children to organise food collections. Things that would actually help and they would learn things like teamwork.

HeadintheiClouds · 30/08/2019 13:44

I didn’t claim it was hard to understand, I said it was two quid.

SarahTancredi · 30/08/2019 13:46

2 quid a parent may not have had and instead of getting the meal they paid for and budgeted the rest of the weeks meals against it was taken and food not delivered.

Malvinaa81 · 30/08/2019 13:46

From a non elite view point, it is good to have a poverty lunch.

But the elite never have poverty lunches, as the OP has now found out.

Blondebakingmumma · 30/08/2019 13:46

I think you’ve handled this badly but with good intentions. I get overprotective of my kids too. Pack a few boiled eggs and a salad or whatever else your daughter likes to snack on before training. Of course she won’t want to stand out from the rest of the school eating a full meal when the kids are supposed to be reflecting on kids who have nothing

Madfrogs · 30/08/2019 13:47

Depends on the schools dinner wise. Ours are really good and include unlimited salad bar and mostly freshly made on site foods not much comes in ready to go even on their fast food style day chicken nuggets etc are all made on site in the kitchen with at least three main options per day.

comingintomyown · 30/08/2019 13:47

YABU and sound ridiculous , can’t believe you actually rang the school no wonder she’s mortified

juneybean · 30/08/2019 13:47

Scottish schools go back in August.