To refuse DD “poverty” lunch?

[questions3900]

DD is an elite athlete training many hours. We pay for hot school meals at lunch time as she does long hours straight after school. She phoned me to say that it was announced in form today is poverty lunch where they will have a cup of soup to feel the hardship some people go through and the money saved by not providing full hot food options goes straight to charity. DD called to ask if I would bring snacks for on the way to training. I called the school to complain and they have DD given a full normal lunch. DD is livid and embarrassed. AIBU to think as parents we should at least be told if this is planned? If it I had known in advanced I could have prepared food for on the way to training but I rely on the hot food I pay for her to have at school otherwise.

@Alsohuman This is the third week back for Scottish schools

Thanks, I didn’t know that.

I’m surprised you weren’t informed in advanced and offered the opportunity to take part. Charity giving is voluntary, not compulsory. And I know what you mean about training OP. My DD is an elite athlete (National Level) and needs fuel.

Oh dear you’re that mum, my DD is an ELITE gymnast and therefore should get special treatment, well done embarrassing your child.
Before anyone piles on, I have a friend whose DD competes on a national level and just says ‘she’s a gymnast’
OP you are very arrogant and entitled, poor girl will be cringing and getting slagged off about mummy phoning the school.

I would be fuming as a parent and governor over this patronising act of "kindness". I'm assuming in this school, like many(all) state schools have children living in poverty every bloody day of their lives, who then had to have a bloody cup soup instead of their FSM. Those kids who then go home and don't have any dinner. For what purpose?

But yeah I wouldn't have singled your daughter out but I would have had a stomp at the school

OP - were you really, really not asked?

The school unilaterally decided to give your money to charity without consulting you after you'd paid it in good faith, expecting it to be used to pay for your daughter's lunch?

And didn't forewarn parents? Because, as others have mentioned, if a pupil had something like diabetes (or just mild hypoglycemia, which my daughter has), it could have quite big implications.

Must say, I'm very surprised, in that case.

Hmm
Yabu from the sense that your DD asked you not to and was embarassed, although i think all mums are embarassing sometimes!

Yanbu with regards to the school who frankly sound shit. I am slim, if i haven't eaten properly i feel dizzy, worse if i exercise. My metabolism is very high.

I also trained as an elite gynnast/skater/dancer type thing andcan assure everyone that adequate nutrition is part of training safely, the school are idiots not to think of this and other aspects.

On balance i think you should have claimed your money back from the school and brought along a sandwich. If they want charity contributions they need to ask!!

I'm another one assuming the school will have informed your daughter in advance or given her a leaflet home and she just forgot. We all forget things sometimes

I'd have just gotten her snacks. I'd be embarrassed too if I were her.

Also agree with others worried about children at the school who might have relied on the meal, but what the OP did hasn't helped those children. She hasn't even mentioned those children. She's just singled her daughter out for special treatment.

What exactly are are the big implications of eating a bowl of soup for lunch if you have diabetes? Even grown adults often have a bowl of soup, or a sandwich and a piece of fruit at lunchtime without keeling over?
You don’t need a hot, three course meal at lunchtime. It truly isn’t necessary.

Obviously, I mean asked in advance.
I quite see that your daughter asked you today - the day it's actually happening - but was there no previous letter or chance to refuse?

Could your daughter have forgotten about being given a letter to give to you, possibly?

@LaBelleSauvage

Sorry! X posted with my second post.

What exactlyareare the big implications of eating a bowl of soup for lunch if you have diabetes? Even grown adults often have a bowl of soup, or a sandwich and a piece of fruit at lunchtime without keeling over?
(You don’tneeda hot, three course meal at lunchtime. It truly isn’t necessary*

If school are able to produce a hearty filling nutritional bowl of soup with enough money left over to make a charity donation shouldnt they be doing so more often to make purchasing food at school possible for more people? That would go a way to helping some.of the poverty stricken families wouldnt it?

Oh I see, you daughter was embarrassed by you? I had assumed she was losing it over the lunch. But I can now understand it was because of your 'MY DAUGHTER IS AN ELITE GYMNAST' attitude.

Is saying 'elite' that bad? Surely we should be happy that girls have the opportunity to shine in sport?

It's strange that they were able to provide the full hot meal, as it shows meals were still being cooked, which shows that there was already an 'elite' who didn't have to have the cuppa soup.

It isn't bad Cas but you can tell with tone. I'm very proud of any young woman trying to shine in sports. But some parents of those girls are unbearable. The OP sounds like she can't go more than two sentences without shoe-horning the 'ELITE' into conversation with anyone about anything.

Regardless of the school. The child asked for snacks, they did not ask to have the meal changed when they had the chance, the child has every right to be annoyed at the parent intervening at something they hadn't asked them to intervene in, they may well have fully supported the idea.

Are UBU? I wouldn't have given this a second thought, personally. I wouldn't have phoned the school, and I wouldn't have brought her any extra snacks in either.
But then, I did grow up in the '70s when it was perfectly normal to not eat breakfast, spend your lunch money on fags, and not go home for dinner until 6pm.
I often played sports after school (usually tennis or athletics) and the thoughts of my Mum bringing me extra snacks for any reason is ... completely laughable.
Really OP, your daughter will be absolutely fine if she skips the odd meal, as long as she makes up for it later 😊

@cassilis
Saying Elite is arrogant regardless of male/female, maybe once an Olympic medal is pocketed, she’s a competitive gymnast. My friend is a sports psychologist and he uses Elite to describe Olympic athletes, competing at world championship level.

Well as a child that grew up in poverty (as in, no lunch , not this middle class idea of soup being a poor lunch ) I think you did the right thing.

Charity is meant to come from the heart, not bullied or pressured or snuck in.

You should have been warned and optionally opted in, not optionally opted out, when paying for a full hot lunch.

Surely some of the kids might be badly affected in that their parents assume they've had a full hot lunch so may skip an evening meal?! It wasn't uncommon in my childhood for evening meals to be a slice of toast if we were in a period of getting free school meals at lunchtime!!

Surely you could have sent her a packed lunch for one day of the year?

Now she sticks out as a greedy uncharitable snowflake. Not surprised she's embarrassed.

I assume she is livid and embarrased because everyone else still only had soup and she was presented with a full lunch, singling her out as if shes said shes too important to go hungry. Double embarrasment because her lunch is also being paid for out of the "charity collection" lunch money.

@headintheclouds

The implications for a type one diabetic are now to do with fishing insulin correctly for a different meal.
In order to dose correctly, you need to have an idea of the number of carbohydrates in the dish. Not all children (or adults!) would be able to approximate this accurately (harder to do with soup by eye than say chips).
Some t1diabetics also prefer to eat more/ less carbs at different types of day and obviously different types of soup can be more or less carby.
Additionally if a diabetic knew they were due to exercise soon, done would eat more/less carbs / dose higher/ lower so it would have an impact on a diabetic.
Doesn't mean they'd need a 3 course meal, just warning and help calculating from the kitchen!

What on earth is wrong with the OP saying' elite?' Her child in an elite athlete. IT's a fact. Why shouldn't she be able to say so? Gawd, people can be so bitter.....

Meh. Everyone will forget it by next day or next week.
The whole poverty lunch is a load of patronising bollocks.

If you are relying on school meals to provide the nutrition she needs as an elite YABVU. She is perfectly able to train for one session on the c.300-400 calorie deficit soup vs a school lunch would have provided, in the context of the rest of her daily intake.
That's my thinking.
We have a good number of athletes training to a high standard and most aren't spending their lunches micromanaging food. One boy I taught was king of sweet snacks.

If nutrition is so key for the training programme then I would imagine it would be a fully planned meal plan with macros for different food groups and so on, not just having whatever happens to be on the hot menu that day.

Soup Vs a full lunch is neither here nor there if there's a snack later to top the calories up.

It's a fairly silly idea for the school to run in my opinion, but the OP seems like a dramatic and fussy parent who has made a scene and embarrassed her child in the process.