To say that AIBU is not a green light to say what you want and is giving out the message that MN is no longer a place to come for support?

[AlternativePerspective]

More and more threads are being moved out of AIBU to other parts of the site because of the pasting the OP is getting on AIBU.

More and more I see posts from people saying that “if you didn’t want blunt answers you shouldn’t have posted in AIBU.

And yesterday, the ultimate, a thread where an OP needed genuine support having just realised she was in an abusive relationship being absolutely vilified on here, the thread was moved to relationships where the vilification continued to the point that the OP left the thread, and then the thread was deleted because it wasn’t in the spirit of the site. Is it any wonder that people feel they can’t admit to being abused when this is the kind of response they receive?

Yes, there are sometimes threads where an OP could be bluntly told that they are unreasonable, however there are threads where this is absolutely not appropriate, and a thread in AIBU doesn’t mean that this is a green light to wade in with your judgements and opinions and use whatever form of bullying you want to put your point across, sometimes to the detriment of the OP’s feelings.

I am generally of the view that if people are volatile then perhaps the net isn’t the best place to find support, however, many people do come here for support and mn has previously had a good reputation for being supportive in the face of domestic abuse. I no longer believe this to be the case.

I realise that AIBU is a good revenue generator for MN, however it is absolutely making mn look more like a fight club than anything else, and perhaps it’s time for *@mnhq@ to rethink this one?

The moderating is going to be inconsistent when it’s carried out by many different people. That’s part and parcel of running a forum. Everyone interprets things slightly differently, despite the guidelines.

At the end of the day it’s a site that’s free to use because our attention is sold to the advertisers you see at the top and bottom of the screen. If you want more vigorous moderation round the clock then MN are gonna have to pay for several full time moderators, across different time zones, which is very expensive. Maybe some people would be happy for the site to become paid-for to enable that to happen? But I suspect most users would rather it remain free to access and accept that it’s ran by humans, many of whom I think are volunteers, and appreciate it’s never going to be perfect. Even a system where a mod has to vet every post before it’s approved would mean some moderators think a specific post is acceptable and others don’t. It’s easy to think of ‘MN’ being inconsistent until you remember it’s just moderated by people like you and I.

I’m sure if it was a pay to access forum many would complain about it being elitist and classist and a barrier to use (not withstanding the fact that it’s a business and you could say the same about a shop expecting payment for goods whether you’re rich or can’t afford the products).

It’s not different to provide consistent moderation if you’re clear about the standards. I’ve seen posts deleted because a poster has been advised to fuck off, yet hundreds of other posts saying exactly the same thing remain. The most over sensitive deletion I’ve seen was a post that factually pointed out that a lot of people who voted had died since the referendum.

On the whole, I think MNHQ does an excellent job but moderation depends on whether posts are reported and some posters are over zealous with reporting and some deleted posts don’t really breach the guidelines, the person reporting them just doesn’t like them.

The first sentence should obviously say difficult!

Thank you alternativeperspective. That is a really great post. I haven’t been on MN that long so I don’t know if things have changed. I do know that I am sometimes really shocked at some replies.

I didn’t see the thread that was taken down but I remember gingerginger2’s thread. I thought it was such an important thing to talk about. I have a friend with a son in his 20s who has autism and you can see how relationships in school help to set up a separation in adulthood between people with disabilities and those currently without. I wanted gingerginger2 to be offered a job heading a commission on how we can create better social networks in society. Instead, there were some really cruel replies. And posters who kept on repeating their views, although they had already made their point. I have also seen posts denying people’s experience of racism even though the person denying the racism was not there to witness what actually happened.

I think what happens sometimes is that when people don’t read the whole thread and scroll to the last page, that sometimes seems to set off a series of very harshly worded replies that go way beyond being frank or blunt. I can’t imagine how upsetting that must be for the poster even if, amid all the unconstructive replies, there are some really helpful ones.

Funnily enough, I find that the property type ‘how can I sell my house, threads seem to get the tone much better: ‘I can’t stand that colour myself - try something neutral if you want a quick sale’ seem so much more constructive. Sad that the harshest replies seem to be sent to people who might be feeling very alone and vulnerable.

Anyone saying you should just report and move on hasn't RTFT

I, and I think a few others, posted that meaning it as advice to the bullies rather than those trying to deal with bullying posts. I certainly meant it as: rather than making lots of twatty posts trying to trip the OP up, just report them to MNHQ as a troll and move on.