To say that AIBU is not a green light to say what you want and is giving out the message that MN is no longer a place to come for support?

[AlternativePerspective]

More and more threads are being moved out of AIBU to other parts of the site because of the pasting the OP is getting on AIBU.

More and more I see posts from people saying that “if you didn’t want blunt answers you shouldn’t have posted in AIBU.

And yesterday, the ultimate, a thread where an OP needed genuine support having just realised she was in an abusive relationship being absolutely vilified on here, the thread was moved to relationships where the vilification continued to the point that the OP left the thread, and then the thread was deleted because it wasn’t in the spirit of the site. Is it any wonder that people feel they can’t admit to being abused when this is the kind of response they receive?

Yes, there are sometimes threads where an OP could be bluntly told that they are unreasonable, however there are threads where this is absolutely not appropriate, and a thread in AIBU doesn’t mean that this is a green light to wade in with your judgements and opinions and use whatever form of bullying you want to put your point across, sometimes to the detriment of the OP’s feelings.

I am generally of the view that if people are volatile then perhaps the net isn’t the best place to find support, however, many people do come here for support and mn has previously had a good reputation for being supportive in the face of domestic abuse. I no longer believe this to be the case.

I realise that AIBU is a good revenue generator for MN, however it is absolutely making mn look more like a fight club than anything else, and perhaps it’s time for *@mnhq@ to rethink this one?

YANBU. It just makes you realise that people are vile under the cover of anonymity because they can be.

I don’t think MN posters are a collective. Some can be very genuinely supportive, and some posters receive almost unconditional support from this community. Others don’t. The differentiating line isn’t always drawn fairly, so some posters who appear to be vulnerable get an unreasonable amount of stick, and some posters who are just plain unreasonable get a surprising amount of support.

I definitely agree that the tone of some of the posts on threads is unpleasant, and should be deleted, or the poster warned.

I think it would be helpful if MNHQ would sticky WA advice for dealing with women in abusive relationships that could be linked to. And delete/ban posters who give women a hard time for not LTB as soon as their told.

Can we not start troll hunting a previous thread which was deleted because it wasn’t in the spirit of the site?

Or is that what people want? To get this thread deleted?

Regardless of whether a thread is real or not (and there’s no way for individuals to know that,) it’s not on to pile on so much abuse that the thread is deleted for not being in the spirit of the site.

@IAmALazyArse

"I thought it was fake"...

And yet we complain women in real life aren't believed

This is the problem I have with this board at times; that women are piled on to in order to "out" whether they are real or not.

It's so ridiculous as that person could very well be vulnerable and perhaps didn't initially express themselves in the way others would.

I think there is a massive mistake in posting in AIBU for traffic. There should really be a box saying "if you seeking advice about a specific difficult personal situation, you may wish to consider a topic board instead".

There's a time and a place for handing someone a metaphorical grip. The parking threads and light hearted annoyances of life are funny. There's the infuriating ones where almost unanimous opinion is YABU but the OP insists otherwise and flounces and they do tend to end up with a few irritated posters.

Some people are simply unpleasant to people who are clearly in a difficult situation. I also think some people on AIBU aren't so much genuine users of the site and more people who have signed up to have a go at women.

AIBU is a lot less blunt than it was 10 years ago, where an op would get a pasting regardless of the topic simply if her grammar was shit. Some threads that were only a few hours old were holier than cheese where personal attacks were removed. I flounced after a pasting once

Also these types of threads are a monotonous recurrence here. Don't like AIBU? Don't post here maybe. And, since this is a thread about a thread, op, it's also 'not in the spirit of the site'.

@LolaSmiles

True, but there are people who stick the boot in , who I've seen posting about things as varied as property developing, school parking, holiday car rental...

These are real regular users, who also believe AIBU is about "a good old verbal scrap".

Hiding all of the problems behind trolls and so on, won't change the mindset.

It is regulars too I'm afraid.

Yanbu.

That thread was upsetting.

LolaSmiles except this isn’t just about one thread. But that one thread just highlighted the issue facing people on here. But there are many, many examples where posters are given a pasting on AIBU under the justification that it’s AIBU so if you don’t like it don’t post here.

This is something I also struggle with..someone comes on for advice with their relationship and bet bombarded with 'LTB', then when they respond that they don't want to leave they want to make it better they are crucified about why are they here in the first place if they won't take advice.

Then you get the MIL threads where people are actively encouraged to go NC instead of receiving genuine advice about how to resolve the questions.

There is a time and a place for extreme responses, like if your in real danger or your kids are, but most of the time these vulnerable people just want a bit of advice from people who have been through it. They end up getting radical advice and then being blasted when they don't accept it.

And I’m about as cynical as they get when it comes to believing the authenticity of posters/threads. But if it’s a serious topic and you don’t believe it’s real then why not just report and walk away from it rather than piling on because you think that it can’t be real?

People are so aggressive and nasty on AIBU. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I posted once about starting a job I knew I would be leaving. From the roasting some posters gave me you would think I had murdered somebody! I still started the job and left anyway, I’m stubborn. Some random on MN isn’t going to change my life or way of thinking.

People often don’t pick the correct forum, that’s the problem. There’s far too much chit-chat on the banal (what shall I get from Lidl) which should be moved to Chat. The deep-dark relationship problems - should be in relationships.

AIBU is meant for the momentary dilemma.

TBH, some of the stuff on here is borderline illegal, it goes against the Equalities Act (trans gender) and it’s key board warriors grinding axes

I can’t get my head around the fact that some people just cannot help themselves and just want to be unpleasant and spiteful, no matter what the topic is......one thing my dear old mum used to say to me “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything”. I’m all for genuine advice and healthy debate, but the venom that drips out of MN is just beyond me, there is simply no need for it. I’m seen as someone who is quite blunt and tells it how it is, and I wouldn’t come on here to vilify and make someone else’s life miserable by trolling, it’s a sad indictment of the times.

I’m proposing that MN hq make it very clear that the AIBU board is not a fight club.

This shouldn’t need saying, but it does.

The aggression shown by some posters (The Arsehole Club) is shocking, and I do not for one minute think that any of them would dare to speak to someone’s face in the same way that they post.

Some posters really need to take a long, cool look at themselves and what they post.

Even if you don't think the thread is real, just report it rather than laying into the op. The more people that have a go, the more posts it gets and the more people join and get whipped into a frenzy.

If everyone that thought it was fake reported it and then went on with their day it would have been a very different story. Don't feed the trolls, and don't be a dick to people who are struggling.

You're right OP, I don't know exactly what the solution is but I find it really upsetting how unkind people can be. I don't actually care whether threads are real either, it's my choice how much I 'invest' and I figure it might be useful to someone, even if it's not the OP.

“IABU to ask if this free website I’m under no obligation to use isn’t doing what I want it to do”

Yes, YABU.

Also YABU to ask this question again when it comes up with monotonous regularity.

Yanbu.

Unfortunately AIBU is not a support board, it's a board where people come to roast the OP. If the OP defends herself, the abusers will paint themselves as victims and call OP goady. OP gets a hard time no matter what in at least 50-60% of threads.

The other issue is that there are too many racists given a platform to play faux naiveté and troll.

MNHQ should delete all posts that derail threads and posts that contribute nothing should be deleted. Delete the emoji as well. All abuse with nothing constructive, these types of posts should be phased out if they care about the posters at all. But I'm guessing the fight club aspect brings the views/clicks/money so it won't happen.

Just remember a lot of these posters lie. A lot of these posters are men. Some could be American. Some could live on white supremacy sites and thrive for getting their jollies off on a bunch of unsuspecting people. AIBU is not your neighbourhood, it's a bastion of abuse facilitated for clicks and revenue.

I agree. I have always said aibu is awful and should be scrapped. I feel that hq are complicit in that it's like a modern day freak show. This is someone's life and the idea of it being entertainment is unpalatable

Some could be American

Gasp! surely not? OMG, there are Americans here?? Shut it down immediately.

🙄

GinDaddy
I didn't mean trolls, sorry I should have been clearer. I was meaning people who sign up for no other reason than to be a bit of an arse. So they don't post in a range of areas, they live mainly on AIBU and only ever seen to have something horrible to say