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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friends comment about my baby

230 replies

mumaw · 30/08/2019 10:08

Just the above. I have a friend who's baby is 2 weeks younger than mine who is already sitting up in a bumbo seat. She mentioned to me that it was worrying my baby still can't support his head properly - he's still really wobbly with it.

I've started to panic now. He's my first baby so I don't know if it is something to think about or not.

I have tried putting him on his tummy so that he can practice lifting his head but he hates it and starts to whinge until I turn him on his back.

Is this normal?

OP posts:
crustycrab · 30/08/2019 11:39

@tirednhungry247 not only are they not recommended, they are dangerous.

Particularly with regards to hip development. The same goes for jumperoos etc.

Cindy55 · 30/08/2019 11:42

Tell her it’s not a competition, and even if it was her baby would lose by default for having a dickhead mother.

My boys were slow, they crawled after seven months and walked after fifteen months. My DS learnt to talk quicker then my DD who was faster at crawling. Every baby develops differently, don’t worry.

Celebelly · 30/08/2019 11:43

Sitting unaided is a 6-9 month milestone so she jog on.

Listen, I'm part of an antenatal group and there are four of us with babies all the same age, within a span of about two weeks. The differences in them are incredible! My DD doesn't like to roll or really be that mobile, but she was the first of the babies to sit unaided and is much stronger at standing. One of the other babies is crawling, but not as strong at standing. One has just learned to sit unaided for short spaces of time but isn't crawling or showing any signs.

And they are all totally healthy and normal! Competitive parents are toxic - I would just stop spending time with her as it'll only get worse.

CatteStreet · 30/08/2019 11:43

People who make developmental milestones into races drive me mad. It's so short-sighted and pointless (and can be harmful, as PPs point out).

Neither of my younger two walked until 17/18 months. I'm glad I didn't have this competitive nonsense going on around them.

LazyDaisey · 30/08/2019 11:49

“Dd didn't eat anythong solid till she was 3 apart from Milky Ways. She survived on breast milk and Milky Ways . ”

You what now?

Lucafritz · 30/08/2019 11:50

Cheap car seats
Cot bumpers
Sleepyhead pillows
The list goes on of things that aren't illegal but should be. The companies that make these things care more about money than they do safety or paediatric reports that condemn them so you saying "it's not illegal so it must be ok " is ridiculous

Lucafritz · 30/08/2019 11:52

Previous post was aimed at tirednhungry247s reply

bumbleymummy · 30/08/2019 11:52

I never liked Bumbo seats. All babies are different and do things in their own time. You may find that your little one crawls/walks or talks first and then it’ll be her turn to worry Wink

RushianDisney · 30/08/2019 11:54

Your friend is a competitive twat OP, and she is doing her child a disservice by trying to race through milestones. I knew someone like this, and as her DC got older it got more and more ridiculous as the milestones become less obvious - e.g. Insisting her barely able to talk child had expressed a desire to be vegan, and how proud she was that her child was such an animal lover. Said DC still loved squashing ants in the garden though Grin thankfully the veganism was short lived.

wattytanker · 30/08/2019 11:54

To echo what others say, your friend is a competitive twat.

But there is another way to look at it: your friend is very anxious and unsure and constantly thinks about herself not being good enough and by extension her baby not being good enough. To quell those feelings of inadequacy she constantly compares herself and her baby to others which is an anxious behaviour designed to reassure herself. She's doing that she has to "win" in a game she's playing with herself so looks for evidence to justify her position as being superior.

Those comments and trying to place you in a competitive dynamic is massive projection on her part. Don't let her draw you into her game.

You can challenge this constructively next time: Spoke to HV and have no reasons to worry. You keep bringing it up though. Are you anxious about your DC? If she says she isn't day: Fine, neither am I.

Any boasts about weaning at 15 months and sitting in a Bumbo. You can in fact recommend that she checks with her HV whether the stuff she's pushing her child to do is actually safe.

Incidentally it isn't as weaning at 15 weeks is absolutely not recommended. Nor is sitting in a Bumbo. Presumably she's doing this to show how advanced her child is? Which further shows you how her anxiety is driving her nonsensical actions.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 30/08/2019 11:56

Your baby will do things at his/her own pace... as will you.

Ignore the competitive parenting from your friend.

Knittedfairies · 30/08/2019 11:59

Your friend is a loon. I taught reception classes; I can't say I could ever tell which babies started to walk and recite nursery rhymes at 3 months old from those that didn't. Competitive parenting is awful.

I'm off to see what a Bumbo is. I'm very old....

gandalf456 · 30/08/2019 12:00

Whether your friend is right or not, the only person to look to for reassurance is your hv. This friend is making you anxious. I knew many of these types but they tone down when they're later challenged in other ways

My dd (now 15) was and is behind in pretty much everything and society's expectation that one must excel to have any worth does take a toll on her self esteem as it did on mine when younger.

The important thing is she is a lovely girl, very warm and genuine and what she has developed is a strong sense of creativity.

What you need to take from this is people will underestimate you as a parent and therefore our child but so long as you don't underestimate yourself, you'll both be fine

ButterflyOne1 · 30/08/2019 12:01

Why is everyone blasting this friend??? She made have just said it without any malice at all. if they are close friends, she may have been genuinely concerned especially if this is also her first baby.

I appreciate all the lovely people supporting OP but please why do we have to belittle and be nasty to the other women. It makes me so sad how quickly people are to assume the worse.

pilotsprincess · 30/08/2019 12:03

My baby is 11 months and not crawling yet. My first was walking (running) at 10 months.
My point is they are all so different! Enjoy the baby being a baby dont engage in comparing 😁

shearwater · 30/08/2019 12:04

DD1 didn't sit unaided until 8 or 9 months and didn't get any teeth until about the same time. She is 14 year old now, won a best dancer award in her drama group recently and is at a superselective grammar school. Don't worry yet!

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 30/08/2019 12:05

I'd stop seeing this woman, who isn't your friend. I have four children and they were all very different- one only just managed to walk at 14 months, one was a very early walker (I can't remember exactly the age, he was my 4th and I knew better than to take any notice of exact timings by then!).
This woman may have a very poor sleeper and it trying to make herself feel better by making out that her child is in some way "better" than yours. This happened to me with someone who was always pointing out that her child was more advanced, but mine slept through from an early age so I'd had enough sleep to not care.
I'm quite glad that this thread has shown that Bumbos are a bad idea, because I always had lingering guilt about them. I bought one for my PFB, but he was a real chunk and couldn't fit in it! He's learning to drive now and is skinny and healthy, so I obviously didn't damage him too badly, but he was a very hungry baby.

Sceptre86 · 30/08/2019 12:07

At 2 months my son had good control of his neck at 4 months he could sit unaided for a few mins and then would topple over. He started crawling at 6 months and was walking at 10months. His big sister was 9 months old before she could sit up and was still wobbly she didn't walk till 18 months. They really are all different! My ds was a much bigger baby at birth and just developed quicker physically than his sister who was a tiny baby. Seriously put it out of your mind, your lo will get there in his own time. If you are seriously concerned ask your hv to do a home visit.

The only thing I would do is consider how much this friendship is worth to you, some people are just ridiculously competitive and it is so annoying. If you aren't getting much out of this friendship other than anxiety, pull back. If she asks why, tell her the constant comparing between both kids is really irritating.

WhyBirdStop · 30/08/2019 12:07

Next time she says anything, just tell her you saree choosing not to do things that are bad for your baby's health and against NHS guidance. What's the betting her baby is already in a cot in its own room with cot bumpers. Relax OP your baby is fine and your friend is a twat.

BlueJava · 30/08/2019 12:12

Check your worries with your health visitor, but frankly your "friend" seems competitive and not really a friend. I had twins there was 1.oz difference when they were born. One sat up and also walked well before the other. But when the other caught uo he developed faster. Point being its not a race - they develope at their.own pace sometimes fast and sometimes slower.

NewAccount270219 · 30/08/2019 12:13

I worried myself a lot about DS being late sitting up. It was only later that it dawned on me that how quickly they stay sat in a propped position (as opposed to how quickly they sit themselves up from flat, which is a different and later skill) is basically a measure of how still they will stay when their parent has balanced them in a position, ie a pretty useless skill! Some cultures don't even do the 'propped' sitting thing - they wait until a baby can sit themselves up - and their children are just fine for it.

Biscuitsneeded · 30/08/2019 12:14

OP, your baby probably has a heavier head because bigger brain...

Honestly, your friend is tedious. None of this will matter a jot in 18 years' time when they skip off to their respective universities.

Shinesweetfreedom · 30/08/2019 12:18

You are doing good.
She is a pain in the arse trying to make herself feel superior by making comments.
Lose her,she will just bring you down.

Kentishgal · 30/08/2019 12:24

I really would stop socialising with her - you dont need friends like that. To be honest, she's clearly unfulfilled in her own life if she feels the need to compete about things like that! Having a baby can be stressful enough - don't let her worry you or put pressure on yourself, just try and enjoy your baby. As for the weaning - from 6-12 months my baby was sick everytime she tried to eat solids and was consequently very fussy - I used to hate all the mums showing off how well their babies were eating- she's now nearly 4 and eats everything (even things like olives, smoked mackerel, blue cheese) - sometimes it's the tortoise and the hare!! Not that it should even be a race!!

user159 · 30/08/2019 12:25

Yep, ignore! We had a bumbo and I used it twice before realising she's just propped on it and it can't be doing her back any good! She's now 6 months and sits fine. She's just started rolling over, much later than a lot of my friends baby's but she got there and is very pleased with herself! It's so hard as ftm, and so easy to fall into the competitiveness - I am guilty of it too but try not to worry, your little one will do all these things when ready Smile

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