Friends comment about my baby

[mumaw]

Just the above. I have a friend who's baby is 2 weeks younger than mine who is already sitting up in a bumbo seat. She mentioned to me that it was worrying my baby still can't support his head properly - he's still really wobbly with it.

I've started to panic now. He's my first baby so I don't know if it is something to think about or not.

I have tried putting him on his tummy so that he can practice lifting his head but he hates it and starts to whinge until I turn him on his back.

Is this normal?

if she’s started her baby on solids at 15 weeks without instruction from a medical professional, she’s a total fucking idiot.

Never understood why people are so keen to see their tiny babies age up so quickly.

Your friend is going is going to turn into a nightmare

oh OP, comparison is the thief of joy! I don't have any dc but I didn't even sit up until 13 months old - I was walking 5 weeks later apparently. I was just a lazy baby
He'll do everything in his own time and if there are any developmental delays they'll be flagged and he'll get support but right now it sounds like he is exactly where he should be

Your "Friend" sounds like a competitive twat.

Yep and it will only get worse. Oh sorry? You mean your baby is not yet fluent in Latin? Lazy parenting. Shocking!

I understand your first time Mum concern but honestly as every other PP has said, all babies develop at different rates and your friend is probably so absorbed in her DC that she is overly proud and that's coming out as competitive comparisons. If you think it's targeted and she's genuinely being a dick then distance yourself, if you think that she's a good friend but with this one undesirable habit then maybe just say to her "I know you're really proud of your DC and you should be, but please stop comparing them to mine as all babies are different."

I am also concerned that she is contemplating solids before the recommended age - it does make it seem as though she is desperate for her LO to do everything first.

As for milestones they can make a parent obsessively worried, my twins are nearly 2 but were born 2 months premature and were extremely low birth weight, so their development is very delayed and I do my best to just focus on them and not compare (mentally) with my friends DC who are mainly on target. I just watch them and see that they are progressing, not regressing and I'm happy to see what they are achieving even if it is a tad later than others.

DD is babbling in conversational patterns with the odd word or phrase every now and again, DS is still using repetitive babbling such as "mamamama" "dadadada" "nananana" "babababa" etc. and neither are walking yet (they're getting close though!) thankfully their Aunt had preemie twins and she's been great at keeping my head on straight when it comes to their development, as has their HV and Paediatrician - but it still rattles me when I get comments like "still not walking yet?" or "My DC is already using up to 50 words" from friends with younger toddlers.

Just try and block that out and enjoy your LO and all they achieve as and when they manage it.

DD hated tummy time and would scream when we did it, so we just did it at the changing table as part of her nappy change routine and moved her back onto her back as soon as she got upset, then come next nappy change did it again. It took her until she was 14 months to finally sit up! She only started standing and travelling at 18 months.

DS didn't mind tummy time but couldn't manage it for long - he also has a massive head (runs in the family haha) but was sitting at 11 months and standing/travelling at 13 months. So even with two preemie babies with the same age, same amended milestones etc. it was and still is, very different :D

15 weeks is way too early for solid foods isn't even recommended till 6 months on the NHS site! Her baby could end up with food in his lungs or choking. Also bumbos walkers jumperoos etc are all advised against too for causing spinal injuries and foot problems. Sounds like your doing everything right op and your friend clearly needs some intervention from HV or Social services before her baby becomes hurt by her showing off and forcing these things too soon to be the first

You need a thick skin as a parent, especially if your child isn't mega advanced with milestones, or even is a bit behind with some of them. I have learnt this the hard way, having a DD who is 15 months and is on the later end of normal with her gross motor skill development and her speech development. She's nowhere near to walking for example and cannot say any 'real' words. I also don't think it helps when people say 'my child is behind in x but mega advanced in y' - because for some of us, our children are behind in x, y, and z and not mega advanced in anything, and that kind of talk just made me feel worse.

They do all develop at their own rates. If you have any concerns you should speak to your HV as first port of call. What you are describing though is totally normal and fine and not delayed development at all. My friend has a DD who is only 10 months old and has already taken her first steps etc. Her gross motor skill development has been waaay quicker than my DD, she was cruising when my DD couldn't even cruise yet, despite the 5 month age gap! But they are all different, there's no point in trying to compare them at all.

I was once part of a FB thread where one of my friends complained light heartedly about competitive parenting. Our supportive claims ranged from the elevated "My child washes his hands WITHOUT ME ASKING" to the mundane "My child didn't poo his pants in the supermarket today! Yay!" to the unbeatable (and best) claim of "My child can fly". It was quietly delightful

Try saying "Yes, but can he make you a cup of tea?" and laughing gaily each time she does this stuff, OP; that may shut her up!

Tell your friend some babies direct their strength into developing the physical side first whilst others develop the cerebral.

DD didn't talk till she was over 2 years old. I didn't get anything apart from mama or Dada . No babbling or anything. If she wanted something she would point at stuff.
Then one day she started talking and it was like talking to an adult. Full well constructed sentences with "if you please " and thank you ever so much"
Dd didn't eat anythong solid till she was 3 apart from Milky Ways. She survived on breast milk and Milky Ways . I even paid for her to have lunch at nursery where she would sit chatting to her friends who were eating but she would never touch a thing

She's not your friend, she's a complete bitch. Tell her to fuck off and stop engaging with her. She is awful. You baby is fine, just keep doing what you're doing

Also last week her baby sat up himself unsupported.. and she said something about that too

So, her 15 week old baby got himself into a sitting position unsupported? That would be the exception rather than the rule. Also, she introduced solids far too early.

People like your friend are very annoying. I would think of some retorts for next time she says something, or see less of her.

Glad you’re feeling better now🌷

She’s clueless & competitive - don’t let her spoil your time with your DS! They grow up far too quickly, just enjoy him and his progress.

As everyone has said, there’s such a variance in achieving milestones it’s unimportant

Just either stop seeing her or find a comment that shuts her down every time she starts up!

Tummy time is really important though. It helps to develop all kinds of internal functions as well as the obvious external things. There’s lots in line if you want to look it up, but you’ve had good suggestions already (on chest/rolled up towel (but not too big!!). You can also put him on the bed and you sit on the floor so you’re eye level - it’s not as good because the bed is soft, but if it helps him get used to it it’s bettee than nothing!

Enjoy your lovely DS 🌷💖

I agree with the pps who said they're sure your baby is fine. Ignore your friend - they all do their own thing in their own time.

My ds was very slow to lift his head, and wasn't crawling at a year old - he was quite happy to sit and watch the world go by. He's now a very lovely (OK, I may be a tad biased) and intelligent young man with a first in electronics.

Comparison is the their of joy. Your bubs sounds like he will develop in his own time, keep practising tummy time and when he's interested in solids start them then! Not before then. Xxx

Don’t compare your child to a single other child, all children are different.

Mine walked at a 8 months but is 4 and still not well potty trained.

My sisters walked at 13 months but is already not using bottles and dummies which mine does.

It’s not worth comparing, just focus on the child in front of you and don’t worry about others.

The DH of a friend told me that "he'd heard" that babies (i.e. my DS) who slept a lot were less intelligent!! 😳 I told him his lack of sleep due to his fractious DD was obviously affecting his intelligence - dickhead!!
Don't let anyone affect your enjoyment of your baby, they'll meet their goals when ready 👍

Also last week her baby sat up himself unsupported.. and she said something about that too

Calling absolute bullshit on this!

But in the highly unlikely event it’s true, it’s not necessarily a good thing anyway!

She sounds like either a complete plank or incredibly insecure

Ignore her. I was like you, constantly paranoid but the truth is kids all develop at different rates.

My good friend has a DS two months younger than mine and to all intents and purposes he is further ahead in speech, self feeding and toilet training but my DS knows a lot of colours, numbers and letters. It can be hard not to compare but try and enjoy your wee one

Competitive behaviour.

How long have you been friends with her, and in general do you enjoy her company?

If you do want to stay friends you could either just ignore or be bland, or pull her up on it: “I dislike it when you compare our DC or comment on my DC’s development: please don’t”.

Also last week her baby sat up himself unsupported.. and she said something about that too

Her baby didn’t sit unsupported at 15 weeks. I know someone will come on and say that their child did, but in this situation with op’s “friend’s” agenda, this is almost certainly a lie.

Absolutely ignore her. I’d make sure I knew roughly when milestones should happen and if you’re concerned see your gp/health visitor.

It’ll make no difference eventually when they are at school who sat/rolled/got teeth first, just enjoy your baby and smile and nod when she starts comparing. She sounds a bit thick imo. I have 4 boys they all did things at different times, 3rd son didn’t walk till almost 2 but he’s fine now at 9. I never compare them, just enjoy each moment as the years fly in (eldest is 18 soon)

OP, this is vulnerable time for you.
It's all so new.
Women like that take your peace from you and are certainly not friends.
There's a particular type of woman that does this and it is absolutely painful to listen to.
She will probably be doing this for all her children's lives. It just the way she is.

The best thing you can do, is back away in your own time.
Until you feel ready for this, respond with "really" , do not engage, do not encourage.
Respond with "all in their own time" on a loop.
Some of these woman get their kicks from putting the wind up others.

They have no idea how dull and tedious they and their conversations are.

Hangout with women who make you feel good about yourself, make you laugh, are supportive and not judgey.

That's what you need in your life.

All of my children did everything last. I really mean last.
Sat -9 months
held head 6 months
rolled over12 months
crawled 14 months
walked 18 months
talked - only a handful of words til 30+ months
you name it. Both boys and girls.

They are extremely healthy, sporty, happy, academically very strong young people now.

It had absolutely no impact on them.

But I did definitely worry at times at how late they did absolutely everything, especially the first.

My closest friends baby walked at 9 months and had the vocabulary of an adult at 24 months.
Try that when you have a nearly complete silent child at 24 months saying nothing more than car, ball, Dad! I used to console myself that he was the happiest, smiling little fellow that rarely cried and slept well.

If ever you have an issue, your GP is the person to ask for a definite answer.

Other than that, take people like this competitive woman with a pinch of salt.

Best of luck.

Don't compare your child to others.
There's no comparison between the sun and the moon.
They shine when it's their time.

@mumaw please dont start giving your LO solids yet! NHS guidelines advise 6 months as the gut isnt mature enough any younger.

Also, fuck your friend! All babies do these things at different rates. By no means is it I indicative of anything other than the fact they are holding their head, sitting up whatever. By 5 years old, itll make no difference whatsoever. The fact you friend has started her lo on solid early give he impression shes a competitive twat. Leave her to it!

FWIW my little one sat up unaided late but is standing and cruising on time. He may be walking before 12 months despite sitting up late. Meh whatever! It just doesnt matter in the long run

Wow 17 weeks and on food that’s not a good idea. Sounds like she wants her little one to be the first of everything I’d spend less time with her if I were you.... she sounds competitive and that will only get worse.