Friends comment about my baby

[mumaw]

Just the above. I have a friend who's baby is 2 weeks younger than mine who is already sitting up in a bumbo seat. She mentioned to me that it was worrying my baby still can't support his head properly - he's still really wobbly with it.

I've started to panic now. He's my first baby so I don't know if it is something to think about or not.

I have tried putting him on his tummy so that he can practice lifting his head but he hates it and starts to whinge until I turn him on his back.

Is this normal?

Ignore your friend. Being a baby isn't a competition! Honestly, your baby is yours, there is nothing wrong with you or your baby because he isn't sitting in a bumbo. This time flies, enjoy him (and this time before the faff of food and milk!)

I suggest you just ignore her. Don’t know if you have ever watched Mrs browns boys but there’s one episode where she confirms when she says that’s nice she means F off. Just keep saying that’s nice to her and move on

Head size makes a difference too. My boys have massive heads - when one learnt to sit up, his head took him down every time for a good two weeks!

Do not let your friends horrible competitiveness spoil your babys first months. You should be looking forward to seeing them develope, not worried that they aren't

I’m afraid this is your first introduction to ‘competitive parents’. As your friends with children so close in age she’ll be constantly quizzing you on their milestones and trying to get her younger DC to reach one before yours.

Ignore her completely. All babies are different and progress at some skills quicker than others. I knew someone who kept propping their baby to sit up when they were tiny which caused severe back problems for the child when they were a bit older.

Look up a rough guide for each milestone online (reputable site like NHS etc) and listen to HV.

If she starts waxing on about her DC moving to solids put on your most concerned face and say “Really?! My Health Visitor said it’s important to wait until 6 months to start solids. Aren’t you worried DC is getting enough nutrients now your replacing DDs milk? Oh well if that’s what you want to do.”

She’s got no problem making you feel like you’re doing things wrong, I’d treat her as she’s treating you.

My DS is the older one by a few weeks in my group of friends and I went out of my way to celebrate their DCs milestones. Some things my kid did first, others theirs but they all get there in the end and making other mum’s feel bad is awful. This time can be stressful enough without a ‘friend’ making you doubt yourself.

How old is your friend? Sounds like she's pretty far behind on the developmental milestone of "brain-to-mouth coordination".
Keep well informed about the ranges of normal behaviour, go to usual checkups and practise polite but bored smiles in the mirror.

Bumbos are cheating though aren’t they. And who knows of what she's saying in true? 4 months is ridiculous to start feeding. It’s 6 months as a guideline, you’re friend is an idiot.

@mumaw honey, I know it's hard but please stop comparing your child to your friends.
It's not fair on your little on one you. Your baby is still so tiny and has lots and lots of growing to do.

My child is 13 months, slept through since birth, not walking, just crawling. can say around 15 words and eats everything I give for breakfast lunch and dinner and still struggles to drink out of an open cup.

My best friends baby is 16 months, started walking at 9 months old, drinks out of an open cup, near enough uses a fork, has never slept through the night, still hasn't clapped his hands, pointed and can only say "Mama"

Don't wish it all away comparing. When your friend makes comments always fire back with "well they are all different and I'm proud of my little one regardless" she will soon stop. My best friend did this too and when I kept answering with that she stopped. All she says know is how good my child's social skills are and how happy she is. It goes so fast, cut your little one some slack, they still have so much growing up to do.
Unless any health visitors or professional health practitioners have voiced any concerns about your child's progress there is nothing to worry about. Enjoy your baby, it goes too fast

Gosh, if you are stressed about this now when your baby is 17 weeks you are in for a very hard road ahead over the next 20 years!

All kids develop at their own pace and their is a significant variation on the average. Also, people are different. Some are outgoing, some are shy etc, not really comparable to others.

Solids at 17 weeks?

That just shows what an ill-informed idiot she is.

Don't let her comparisons throw you off. You continue doing what you're doing with your child. Babies develop at their own rate. Some are walking at 9 months and others not until they're 1.5yrs. As long as they eventually do what they should be then theres no problem. And even if there is something developmentally wrong the support available now is just amazing. So do try not to worry!

She is feeding him too early and there is a lot of divided opinion on the use of Bumbos too. Ignore.

My eldest never learnt to crawl properly. He used to kick his legs and push his face along the carpet. He preferred to roll to get places. He turned out quite bright! Don't worry. Enjoy your baby at whatever pace they decide to do things.

My DD is 15 weeks old and no way would I putting her in a bumbo seat yet!!!
Do not worry, it’s so hard not to compare but honestly, you’ll drive yourself mad.
I had a “friend” like this - we were in the beds next to each other at hospital when having my DS and her with her DD - she shared videos and pictures everyday on Facebook of how amazing her daughter was and what she was doing. I would then worry as DS wasn’t quite doing this and that yet. Eventually I hid her on Facebook so I don’t see her videos anymore and I feel better for it.
If she’s that good of a friend then you should be able to say something to her. If not, maybe just give yourself some space from her for a while.

Sitting with support is highly variable at that age and doing it or not can both be normal. It's one of the signs for weaning if a baby can sit well with support; some of them are there at 4 months and others not until 7 months, so your baby is well within normal range. Most babies can't sit themselves up until more like 8 months, so I'm a bit skeptical about a 4 month old doing that.

A wobbly head at 17 weeks is either badly described (how wobbly really?) or does sound slightly unusual (major caveat - breastfed babies' necks tend to get stronger earlier because of how they feed, so my knowledge of age for this stuff could be way off if you're bottle feeding). It might be useful to go to one of your children's centre health visitor drop-in sessions. They see lots of babies, so they can reassure you or give you advice. Holding the baby upright so they pull back to look at you and showing them toys on either side can also help them gain strength without being left bored on their tummies. It's worth checking out if you're concerned though; one friend's baby could only turn her head one way and she didn't realise until about that age; it was a very minor strain, probably a birth injury, and all fixed after just a couple of osteopath sessions.

While it's good to compare notes with other mums, your friend sounds a little bit competitive and that's not very helpful to you, so you might want to gently talk about that with her. It's hard with all the excitement as babies do new things, but you both need to remember that they all do varying stuff first. An early crawler becomes one of the last to walk, early sounds become one of the last to say mama, a confident furniture cruiser still won't sit up at 10 months, one does brilliantly at weaning then can't get their head around how to use a spoon long after the others are competent etc. Don't even try to compare with one individual, just check your baby is within the huge (and it usually is really huge) range of normal.

Your friend sounds like one of those smug parents who assume that just because thier child does something, any other children who don’t are behind. That’s really early to start weaning, 5/6 months is generally the norm so don’t worry about that. I have two DC, my first never rolled over, ever, would just lay so still but he could sit up un aided well. Second DC is 4 months and rolls across the room. But his head is still a bit wobbly and when I put him in a bumbo he slumped to the side. So please don’t worry about your child, they sound fine. What you need to worry about is this friendship and how healthy it is. A good friend wouldn’t be making you feel this way. Responding with ‘ well all babies are so different and do things at different stages I’m not worried just because your Dc has done it, it doesn’t mean it’s a worry that mine hasnt’ youl Probably find there are things your DC do before hers as they grow older.

Mines is 9 months and was quick to roll over, slow to sit up unaided for longer than 10 seconds. (After weaning but was over 6 months) Quick to crawl. Has no teeth etc

My friends baby isn't crawling at a year but quick to do the rest and has teeth.

They're all different and your friend should be reminded that it isn't a competition. Hope you are ok 💐

Thank you lovely people. Made me feel so much better

Just out of curiosity though, why aren't bumbos recommended?

She's partly being a dick yes, BUT I would have said at 17 weeks old baby should be supporting their own head and able to hold their head up.
Tummy time isn't the only way though, I carried mine in supportive slings (not forward facing/bjorns) and this is a good core and neck strengthening process.
Also sitting them on your lap or in one of those rings and playing games rather than laying on a blanket/in a bouncer helps.

Ditch the friend. She is adding to your anxiety.

Bumbos force them into a sitting position and they can either sit unaided on the floor or they can't. They don't need seats like that.
I used a seat similar to a Bumbo that strapped onto a dining chair but only for meals from six months. When she could sit unaided she just sat.

They are bad for the spine and the hips. My twins physio told me absolutely no bumbo seats, jumperoos, baby walkers.

Gosh, I thought the recommendation was that babies didn't start solids until around six months old, these days.

Your friend is in an awful hurry with her baby. It may stem from anxiety/insecurity herself - my SIL had a baby almost the same age as mine and she was an utter pill and made me feel inadequate and like my dd wasn't doing as well as hers. But then she had a terrible crash with extreme PND.

Don't worry about it, in a few years you'll look back and go wtf and it won't matter in the slightest.

My god, putting a 15 weeker in a Bumbo. Poor little sod. They need to be comfortably holding their heads up. Wouldn’t consider it at less than 6 months.

Ignore your so called friend,my ds didn't walk til 18 months and no one i knew commented on it.She sounds a bit competitive.