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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that my need is just as great

160 replies

TheBananaInPyjamas · 29/08/2019 22:15

...when travelling on the tube.

Sorry I know there's a few posts about this historically but things reached breaking point today so feel the need to vent!

I wear a "Please offer me a seat badge" as I have scoliosis and it hurts to stand for long periods of time, especially on a train when needing to support my self and prevent falling.

This summer it has been ridiculous trying to get a seat. Yesterday I was standing for ages and got stares from at least 4 people, who ignored me. As soon as a pregnant lady got on, someone stood up for her. Just to be clear - I'm not saying I need the seat more than her - but it was frustrating that people took her seriously and not me.

Today, I got on at the same time as a pregnant lady wearing a badge, and again, someone stood up, gestured over my head, and offered her the seat. Again, totally get that she needs it and would never take a seat from a pregnant lady but it was so frustrating as people just gawped at me. Was also cringe as I didn't see her at first so smiled, nearly said thank you, then she moved from behind me and sat.

Also today I was standing, out of the four seats in front of me, two were disabled/pregnant, one was asleep, and one woman was doing her make up..... blatantly saw me but I guess decided her mascara was more important. I find it so difficult to speak up in these situations, as she may have a hidden disability so did not want to say anything but had to bite my tongue to not say "are you quite finished....?"

AIBU to think that the "please offer me a seat" badge should have the same gravitas as the "baby on board?" Would you stand up for someone with this badge?

Sorry for rambling, just tired, pissed off and in pain!

OP posts:
MrsNotNice · 30/08/2019 10:56

Maybe we can ask tfl to make badges that can make a loud sound :D. For people who are embarrassed to ask.

They could be paid for. And provided when presented with evidence of disability.

I mean it’s awkward drawing attention to yourself and disability on a busy train, I find it awkward drawing attention to my belly.

I just think the badge should be discrete and uniform for all, stating that this person is a priority seat person. Have it in big flashy colours and had a button that makes a noise or prerecorded speech saying “priority passenger, offer seat”.

SummerSun10 · 30/08/2019 10:58

I'm not registered disabled, and don't really think of myself as having a disability, but I do have a condition that makes it difficult for me to balance standing up on trains and tubes, even when holding on, and on bad days it can be painful to stand for a long time. Despite this I will always stand for someone who is actually disabled, or heavily pregnant, but wouldn't stand if the person wasn't visibly disabled and had that badge as I think that actually, I need a seat too.

I have also noticed as I have got older that actually a lot of people seem to have some sort of condition that may mean it is better for them to sit. Add in to that injuries, illness, early pregnancy, mental health etc and you have a train full of people who also need to sit more than the lucky few completely healthy people, and I'm not sure a badge given to anyone by TFL makes you any more a priority then anyone else on the train.

Unless you are registered disabled and really cannot stand, there may not be someone who will want to offer you a seat for good reasons themselves, and I don't think you can get angry at that as there are many reasons why someone wants a seat. If you are registered disabled you could try bringing your badge with you and showing that if people are refusing to move.

ShirleyPhallus · 30/08/2019 11:01

I think it’s nice TFL don’t ask for evidence of disability or pregnancy before giving them out

Could you imagine the poor person who has to choose if someone's situation is worthy of a badge?! Where would you draw the line?

I really doubt anyone bothers to get a fake badge just to get a seat. The example upthread of someone saying they would have to stand for an hour on the tube - I just don’t believe it. On pretty much every line you know the stops where the train empties out, I think about 6-8 stops of standing would be the max before you get a seat if you’re standing in the right place (ie between the seats rather than end of carriage)

JustDanceAddict · 30/08/2019 11:05

I’ve never seen the badge on anyone! It’s unfortunate you don’t get offered a seat but I also have back issues and wouldn’t always give up my seat if I really needed to sit down although I rarely travel in rush hour now. It’s also easier for people to see a heavily pregnant person as the bump is in front of their face.

jesuschristwtf · 30/08/2019 11:09

Look OP - speak up if you want a seat. I can see a pregnant lady - I can’t see a hidden disability. I also don’t go round looking for badges - I’m usually listening to music.

MrsNotNice · 30/08/2019 11:18

I once had a woman offer my handsome husband a seat as he was carrying our toddler on a sling. She was seated in priority.

And then my husband pointed at me m-not so handsome- to sit instead, as I was pregnant. And he told her that I needed it more as I’m pregnant (7 months). I was showing a bump but clothes a bit baggy.

The woman looked visibly irritated 😂😂.

allteanoshade · 30/08/2019 11:18

It's a tough one. I'm currently dealing with severe back pain after a car accident so probably wouldn't offer my seat to you as it would leave me in agony, but I'm in my early 20's and you could have easily written "a young woman blatantly saw me but chose not to give me her seat" about myself.

Don't assume just because people don't have a badge/bump/stick that they are in full health and are able to stand for long periods of time.

Biancadelrioisback · 30/08/2019 11:26

This is so very, very annoying. Don't whinge about something that you aren't prepared to do anything about.
So you have a badge.... Unless its massive like the novelty birthday badges, no one is going to pay attention. How often do you inspect that other commuters are wearing? Do you notice every button on their coat incase one happens to be a badge? My eye sight is shit but I don't wear my glasses outside in the rain and often don't put them on on public transport as Im short and have had a pair get broken from being bashed in the face by accident. I would not be able to read a badge.

Use your mouth and ask for help. Don't moan that you're not getting it.
When I was pregnancy my friend was too, she would whinge that no one offered her a seat, I would walk up to people and ask. If they said no, I would ask someone else. This was only when I needed a seat, sometimes I wanted to stand so would politely decline offers I may have got.

If you won't help yourself, you can't rely on others to help you instead.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 30/08/2019 11:34

VanGoghsDog it's never a good look to do the whole "my situation is worse than yours" thing. You end up embarrassing yourself.

MitziK · 30/08/2019 11:35

MrsNotNice, doesn't matter whether they are or not - it's me that gets asked/told off, whether I'm in a priority seat or whether the generic 6ft male is.

Makes me think that I must look less likely to have a go or stand up for myself. It's almost as if I looked slightly different or less able-bodied...

Spidey66 · 30/08/2019 11:42

3 years ago, so just before the Please Offer Me A Seat badges came in, I had a meniscal tear (knee cartliage injury) which required surgery. This was on top of pre-existing knee arthritis, which in normal circumstances isn't usually an issue, I just struggle with bending and I can't run etc. But both together meant I was in agony, and I was for a short time after I had the surgery on the meniscal tear.

I actually found using a stick really helped get the message over that my mobility was impaired, and unless the tubes were so crowded that I couldn't get past the doors, so it wasn't seen, I did get offered a seat.

MrsNotNice · 30/08/2019 11:43

MrsNotNice, doesn't matter whether they are or not - it's me that gets asked/told off, whether I'm in a priority seat or whether the generic 6ft male is.

Really think it does matter. If you are in a priority seat then that seat belongs to the person who is disabled/pregnant. The size of you doesn’t matter. And fact the disabled person feels intimidated by the size of 6ft bloke also doesn’t concern you. I don’t see it as telling off :S. If you were seated in a non priority seat and get singled out then I get it.

Makes me think that I must look less likely to have a go or stand up for myself. It's almost as if I looked slightly different or less able-bodied...

Im confused as to why you are seeing that there is a need to stand up for yourself and getting defensive against a vulnerable person who needs the priority seat they’re entitled for?.. this is not a survival of the fittest competition over limited food, this is a rule of the tfl that you offer that seat to specific people and that person ISS specific people.

Don’t mean to be rude but I think you are seeing this totally wrong. And being defensive about something that you aren’t entitled to.

VanGoghsDog · 30/08/2019 11:46

make the priority seats actual priority seats

They are.
In what way are they not?

@WaterOffaDucksCrack

I wasn't, I was merely pointing out that many people have very long commutes and don't use it as an excuse not to give their seat to someone disabled or in other need. We're all fucking tired after a day at work.

Swellerellamoo · 30/08/2019 11:50

Surely this is an absolute no brainer - just ask

Yabbers · 30/08/2019 12:01

In what way are they not?

Because people use them and don’t give them up. That’s why they aren’t.

MitziK · 30/08/2019 12:10

Not entitled to?

Oh, how I fucking wish I wasn't 'entitled to' the bastard priority seats. Or in desperate need of any seat, for that matter.

Basketofkittens · 30/08/2019 12:18

I find that the Baby on Board badge is more successful than the Please Offer me Seat Badge. I was one of the trial wearers for the latter for TfL.

When I was recovering from a fracture and had a crutch, people would move for me without being prompted 90% of the time. I always remember on one journey on the tube, a middle class looking mother and her two daughters didn’t offer me a seat but just gawped at me. Hmm

I’ve asked for a seat a few times when wearing a badge. A lot of the time people do offer though. It’s quite hard to ask as some people just stare at you or whisper about you!

TfL are promoting the badges a lot more now, I still think more could be done.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 30/08/2019 13:04

Lol!
Try a half hour drive, followed by an hour and a quarter train journey where you probably don't get a seat, followed by a twenty min Tube where you definitely don't get a seat, followed by a ten minute walk. And reverse going home, only difference being you never get a seat on the train home.
Stressful long hours job.
Leaving home at 6.15, getting home at 8pm.
Yeah, often felt like crying to be honest. Probably did a few times.
You didn't say that in your post though it was just about how tired you are in comparison 😂

BowiesJumper · 30/08/2019 14:56

I think the "please offer me a seat" badges should be a different colour - they're not very in your face at the moment (dark blue with white writing) - maybe the white ones are easier to see?

VanGoghsDog · 30/08/2019 18:11

@Yabbers

Because people use them and don’t give them up. That’s why they aren’t.

Well, that's about , not about the seats - not sure what can be done to the seats to make them MORE priority than they already are.

I've never heard someone refuse to give up their seat, in any seat, let alone the priority ones.

And, let's be honest, it would be stupid to have four seats on every carriage left empty and people standing just in case someone else needed the seat.

@WaterOffaDucksCrack

OK dear.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 30/08/2019 19:04

That is literally what you said though so I don't understand the "ok dear" unless you're attempting to be condescending maybe?

Anyway, OP you may feel silly doing this at first but practice out loud what you want to say and it may become easier when it's time for the real thing.

ostinato · 30/08/2019 19:08

OP, the badge will have come with a card. I find it easier to show the card to the person in the priority seat and ask if I can sit down. Only twice has that not worked and each time the next person along gave me their seat. YABU to just expect people to just notice your badge.

Asta19 · 30/08/2019 19:22

I have been to other busy cities with priority seats on trains and people do give them up there. Here, not so much. Maybe there needs to be an awareness campaign. Sorry but in London a lot of people are damn rude. I can't say what nationality they are as I wouldn't know. But I became just as ruthless when I was commuting. Survival of the fittest and all that. In other countries/areas of the UK, I am a much nicer person!

leomama81 · 30/08/2019 20:19

There are some very self absorbed people out there OP and tube passengers are often very head down too. Some people just won't notice the badge and unfortunately others will just hope someone else will offer/don't care.

I'm quite heavily pregnant - and have back/pelvic issues with it - and I do ask if someone doesn't offer. It takes a bit of getting used to but with practice you'll find it easier! I tend to ask people in the priority seats.

A stick isn't a bad idea though, a visual cue does help (the massive baby bump being mine)

gigi556 · 30/08/2019 20:30

I agree. You must ask - I even need To when pregnant at times and a walking stick is a must

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