To think that my need is just as great

[TheBananaInPyjamas]

...when travelling on the tube.

Sorry I know there's a few posts about this historically but things reached breaking point today so feel the need to vent!

I wear a "Please offer me a seat badge" as I have scoliosis and it hurts to stand for long periods of time, especially on a train when needing to support my self and prevent falling.

This summer it has been ridiculous trying to get a seat. Yesterday I was standing for ages and got stares from at least 4 people, who ignored me. As soon as a pregnant lady got on, someone stood up for her. Just to be clear - I'm not saying I need the seat more than her - but it was frustrating that people took her seriously and not me.

Today, I got on at the same time as a pregnant lady wearing a badge, and again, someone stood up, gestured over my head, and offered her the seat. Again, totally get that she needs it and would never take a seat from a pregnant lady but it was so frustrating as people just gawped at me. Was also cringe as I didn't see her at first so smiled, nearly said thank you, then she moved from behind me and sat.

Also today I was standing, out of the four seats in front of me, two were disabled/pregnant, one was asleep, and one woman was doing her make up..... blatantly saw me but I guess decided her mascara was more important. I find it so difficult to speak up in these situations, as she may have a hidden disability so did not want to say anything but had to bite my tongue to not say "are you quite finished....?"

AIBU to think that the "please offer me a seat" badge should have the same gravitas as the "baby on board?" Would you stand up for someone with this badge?

Sorry for rambling, just tired, pissed off and in pain!

People might not notice the badge, with pregnancy they probably notice the bump. Sorry people have been arses, I know it can be nerve wracking asking, I've been asked plenty of times and have happily stood up. The tube on The whole is a nightmare, isn't it.

YANBU. When I was pregnant, but before I had a badge (and wasn't showing) I just asked ("would you mind if I sit down, I'm not feeling well" or "would you mind if I sit down, I'm pregnant") and 90% of the time someone gave up their seat, but I know that's not easy for everyone.

Worst was after I miscarried and was in pain from operation. No badge and really didn't want to speak to anyone

You really need to start asking for a seat, OP. As other posters have said, there are lots of reasons why people might not notice your badge. I know it's embarrassing but it's one of those cases where you just have to bite the bullet.

Just ask. I know its hard.

Generally I'm asking for a healthy looking teenage girl with a very hidden medical issue, its awkward. I am happy to explain the hidden issue, it gives people the alturism kick so they are generally happier doing it, but if i wasnt id have "i havea hidden disability on repeat"

Sometimes I do ask when it's bad, but honestly it's so embarrassing and cringey.

Maybe but you have to ask sometimes. I was sat in an end carriage today and there is no way I'd see a badge unless the person was one of the few standing near me, it was too crowded. I'd happily give you a seat if you asked.

YANBU. There are all sorts of reasons someone may be less able to stand, pregnancy is only one of them. In fact I was far more able to stand when pregnant than I was when my back flared up.

I didn’t know about those badges but will look out for them now. I think there is a poor awareness of them which TFL ought to do something about.

5hecproblem is scoliosis alone doesn't mean much. Many people suffer from a mild form of it and are fine. My OH does and yes, is succeptible to back pain but not to the point that he would need to sit on a tube.

Sadly, you are the victim of people taking the piss. I have to admit that if I saw you with the badge, standing tall, having seen you walk on the tube perfectly fine, I would question it. In doubt, I would give you my seat, but still wondering how much you really needed it over me if I'd been walking 20k that day and felt absolutely shattered.

Also, I would much prefer if you'd addressed to me kindly, with a smile and explained kindly that you suffer from the condition and standing is very painful to you and would I mind giving up my seat than standing in a way that the badge was obvious with furtive looks e pe ting me to be the one to start the conversation.

I have to admit that if I saw you with the badge, standing tall, having seen you walk on the tube perfectly fine, I would question it

Then you should really educate yourself on the impact that hidden disabilities can have

OP. I lived in London before these badges were available and on a few occasions when I asked I was ignored so stopped asking. There was one memorable occasion where I was leaving work early because I was in a lot of pain (ruptured ovarian cyst, as it happened). I was literally bent double clutching my abdomen and no one offered me a seat. Then when one became free, the guy next to me hip barged me out of the way to get to it first. Ugh, the tube - not good memories.

I wish blue badges came with a lanyard that could be used on public transport. The assertion that they cannot be used on public transport is ridiculous. My sons both have blue badges and currently use a double buggy on buses as there’s no special needs equivalent which would even fit. But people just see toddlers and have no idea.

I often travel with my mum, she is 85 and looks quite unsteady on her feet. If the train is crowded I usually have to ask or say loudly, ‘Don’t worry I am sure someone will move to let you sit down’ . Sadly there are many self absorbed people in the world. Interestingly I find teenagers to be kinder and quicker to help.

You know these comments “how do you know X doesn’t also have a disability...”

This is just an excuse, usually used by people to carry on with behaviour that allows them the seat they’re “entitled to” as “a hard working commuter” or whatever.

The reality is no one knows just by looking. People know that no one will challenge them, so they keep their head down.

That’s why all these scenarios need a dialogue.

“Sorry to trouble you. Please can I have your seat as I have scoliosis and find it hard to stand?”

“Oh god I’m sorry. Actually I have a spinal injury. Perhaps we can both ask X person here...”

Etc.

But in this country we would rather seethe and make massive presumptions, or hang onto our seat for dear life, avert our eyes and slap on our headphones knowing that the other people on the train are too afraid to challenge us in case we might have a hidden disability...

Do you ever travel with someone you know? If so could they ask the carriage to find a seat for you? I can hear how embarrassed you feel - but it is nothing to be ashamed of, and you're not shaming anyone by asking for a seat, it's just helping people to help you (which most people would want to do, but just not look out for the badge or know what it meant).

Also, no walking stick, although have considered a folding one for this sole reason!

I would suggest you take it with you. It would emphasise it more. Plus when you next see 'mascara lady' you can accidentally knock her with said stick Whoopsie! (no really don't do this!). I think if people saw you had a stick it would be more 'real'.

And if it helps look like you really are in pain - amp it up a bit.

There is A LOT of ignorance around hidden disabilities. I think most people assume that if you have a physical disability then either you use a wheelchair, a stick or it is visible in some way. TBH we could do with a national campaign to enlighten people, but if TFL issue these badges then they should have more publicity around their use - posters in the tube and more informative stickers above priority seating would be a start - containing info about the sorts of disabilities that people who use them are living with. Let's face it, you hardly ever see a wheelchair user on the tube anyway, so hardly any of the stations are step free from platform to street.

You have to ask politely of course.
I’ve been caught out with my daughter.People are shocked out of there seats at times.
I would normally not get a train or plan when it’s less busy but if we have an appointment I have no choice.
Please please do ask.

18 years ago when I was very very visibly pregnant with ds, I took a temp job which involved commuting by train (2 of them) across London. Not once in the 6 weeks that I worked that job did a single person give me their seat. I guess things have improved a bit since then.
By the way, in contrast, when I was barely visibly pregnant, and visiting NYC, every single time I got on the subway, I was offered a seat by someone.

I used to just bellow "I'm pregnant, will anyone offer me a seat?" down the train when I was pregnant. I know it is really frustrating but you'd be surprised how often pregnant women aren't offered a seat. I do sit in the priority seats because I have an old injury that has left me with a very sore knee but would always stand for someone who needed a seat - I usually have my head in a book, though.

I find it so difficult to speak up in these situations

🙄
Honestly ... Get over it and use you words.

The reality is some people are asshats and there’s nothing you can do other than pick someone semi kind looking or move up the carriage OR get off and wait 2 mins for another if everyone seems like a cranky pants.

I told my friend who is in a similar boat the same (I’d forgotten I told her this but she recently thanked me and said it was the best advice she got 🤷‍♀️)

You need to grow a thicker skin and just ask people.
If they say no they say no but at least you’ve asked and aren’t left biting your tongue
I wouldn’t notice a badge but would happily give up my seat if asked.

Are these quite a new thing? I think it's a great idea. I saw one for the first time yesterday when a woman got on the tube wearing one. She was younger than me and didn't look like someone who would obviously need a seat. I offered her mine, which she accepted.

It was a very large badge and it was easy to read what it said, in fact I'd say it was even more eye-catching than the "Baby on board" ones.

I've never noticed those badges either, sorry, but I'd happily get up for you if asked. I think you need to come up with some words you're comfortable with saying to a crowd and ask. E.g. "Excuse me, can anybody offer me a seat please because I have difficulty standing?"

I was hugely pregnant on the tube and it came to a stop midway. We waited for 40 minutes and not one person offered me a seat. Standing and walking for me used to cause me stabbing pains in my sides and having a seat would have really helped.

I was the only one (whilst still hugely pregnant) to offer my seat to someone who asked for one.

The biggest problem is that give the badges out to whoever asks.
Which means I'm cynical if you're wearing a badge.
TFL are not allowed to ask why you want one.

I have a 'hidden' disability and often use the tube, if I can manage to get a seat - I ain't moving!
Sometimes feels like people want to play disability top trumps over a seat.

This thread is so depressing. The badges are so obvious, even more so than the Baby on Board ones. My jaw is on the floor at the poster saying she would have doubts if OP walked onto the train wearing it and that she might need the seat more after walking 20k

Which means I'm cynical if you're wearing a badge.

Why??? So they give them out to everyone. So what? If someone wants a seat so badly that they’ll lie about needing a badge then they can have my seat, to be honest. A seat on the tube is not some great luxury that people need to game the system for, ffs.

The world would be a far better place if we just assumed the best of people and offered our seats when they might be needed, rather than jealously clinging to them just in case the badge wearer ‘might’ be trying it on.