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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does anyone have anything positive to say about being a parent?

194 replies

Wiltshirelass2019 · 29/08/2019 10:55

Just about to have my first baby and all I seem to read is that being a parent is drudgery. Everyone with kids tells me my life is over and I’ll never sleep again. It’s really getting me down. Aibu or do people with kids never seem to have anything nice to say about parenting when you’re pregnant? I’m shitting myself 😭

OP posts:
SparkleJoy · 29/08/2019 18:38

I love being a mum! My DD is my world. Yes my life has changed drastically in the past year or so but its all worth it for her.

Bubsworth · 29/08/2019 18:40

I didn't expect to ever be a mum, had resigned myself to not wanting to be a mum, then when I saw the second red line, something inside me fell into place and suddenly I loved a little person I hadn't met yet.

When he was born my life as it was fell apart, but this tiny little person has put it together again in the best way possible. That's probably my most accurate way to describe parenthood. It's the most difficult (understatement) yet the absolute best (mega understatement) thing that has ever happened to me.

Congratulations OP :)

YouDoYou18 · 29/08/2019 18:43

My daughter is a year old tomorrow and I absolutely adore her and being a mum! She’s so funny and independent, she can drive me up the wall with frustration one minute and three do the smallest thing that honestly melts my heart. It’s truly amazing! And we’re due our second in three weeks so I get to watch her transition into a big sister so I’m super excited! Congratulations by the way, you’re going to love it!!

popsadaisy · 29/08/2019 18:46

Oh OP I remember constantly having this when I was pregnant and my god did it get me down!!! Don't listen to them of course it isn't that bad, people wouldn't do it again if it was! It really winds me up and is not helpful at all! I don't understand why people do it but you'll be fine! Trust me if I can do it anyone can!! Good luck x

twinkledag · 29/08/2019 18:48

I am in a mission at work to tell everyone how wonderful being a parent is as they say the same thing, that all they hear is parents complaining!

Tartsamazeballs · 29/08/2019 18:48

My kids are soon to be 3 and 1. I fucking love being a parent it's the only thing I've ever been good at, and they're so much fun. It's not all sunshine and roses but they're such cool little people!

twinkledag · 29/08/2019 18:50

PS I can honestly say I have never once, not even for a second, regretted it.

Whoops75 · 29/08/2019 18:51

Babies are the best.
Don’t do anything for the first few weeks except feed and cuddle.
Housework is loyal, it will wait for you!

Teenagers are another story Grin

Wiltshirelass2019 · 29/08/2019 18:51

Thank you so much for all your lovely stories! I know it’s going to be hard but I’m glad to hear the good stuff too and that it’s all worth it 🥰💕

OP posts:
IdahoGreen · 29/08/2019 18:55

Just don't panic at the awful bits, especially the newborn stage awful bits. You get back the person you once were surprisingly quickly and totally, but sleep deprivation doesn't make it seem like that at the beginning. I wish I'd understood that at the time.

youarenotkiddingme · 29/08/2019 19:11

Being a parent is hard.

I imagine that people are trying lightheartedly to warn you about the less than glamorous - soul destroying bits!

However ..... for me the live I felt when ds was born is something is something I'd never felt before or felt since.

Every single challenge being a parent has brought to my door has been worth it. IMO there is nothing better.

Congratulations Thanks

LondonJax · 29/08/2019 19:13

Of course there are hard bits (DS vomiting all through the night when he was three years old was particularly unpleasant - I didn't have a spare sheet, towel or T shirt to fit him in the house for 24 hours!)

DS didn't sleep for more than four hours each night until he was four years old and sometimes I was so tired I was in bed at 7pm.

But, he's now 12 years old and thinking back over the years all the good things include...

His first word and first step.
Reading stories (endlessly sometimes which could be tough when you just wanted a cuppa and some grown up TV!)
His first day at nursery when he ran out shouting he'd had fun.
His first day at school when he asked if he could go back the next day.
Holding hands on the way to school - he'll still hold hands occasionally.
Seeing him at sports day - DS has a heart condition but his team mates would (and still do) cheer him on even when he was a very definite last.
Watching/helping him learn to read and write. I'm still amazed at how the little bundle that couldn't even feed itself suddenly learns to read, write, do maths, sing, run etc in the space of 3 or 4 years on this planet!
Seeing him build really good friendships with wonderful kids who became part of our family.
Seeing him pass his 11 plus and watching him now as he goes into year 8 at school. The stuff he knows! We watch Eggheads/The Chase/QI etc and he keeps up with the questions. He's even managed to get a couple of answers on Only Connect (which I think is something at 12 years old).

So yes, it is hard. Yes, sometimes it is disheartening. Yes, sometimes you hanker after just a few hours of 'how it used to be' when you could just book a weekend away without packing baby stuff. Or sit on a beach reading a book then napping or swimming. Or sit in a restaurant on a warm evening on holiday until closing time chatting with a bottle of wine without thinking 'past his bedtime, we'd better go' or getting a 'mum/dad come and play; I need the loo; I'm hungry'.

But it's also wonderful looking at the person that emerges as your child grows and realising that you've had a part to play in that being. You're making them what they are, in part. Every year I enjoy meeting my 'new' DS as he changes. I love every single one of them I've met so far but I do enjoy learning about the 'new' one as he begins to become the man he's meant to be.

ImogenTubbs · 29/08/2019 19:16

It is bloody hard work and there are moments when you wish you could run away but I absolutely adore my daughter. I feel I could burst with pride and love when I look at her and now, aged six, she is (usually) a total joy and just so much fun to be with. We have a brilliant time and I love her more than anything.

InfiniteCurve · 29/08/2019 19:18

Yes,my children when they were little and now as adults could/can still cause immense worry,frustration and stress,but they are the light of my life! ( bit sappy there,but still...)
When my DMum was dying she wrote about DSis and I in much the same way Smile

clucky3 · 29/08/2019 19:22

Best job in the world

autumnboys · 29/08/2019 19:27

I found the trick was to try and enjoy the stage I was in and not yearn for the next/miss the last one. When you’re up to it after baby comes, try to get out of the house once a day even if it’s just a walk around the block.

Teenagers are hilarious (well, mine are Grin ) and smaller kids are often full of wonder about the world.

Good luck! Flowers

ThisHereMamaBear · 29/08/2019 19:30

Ds5 and ds1. They have made life wonderful. I love seeing how much all my family love them too. Especially dh, really special seeing how much he loves them and vice versa. Congrats!

BarrenFieldofFucks · 29/08/2019 19:32

I fucking love being a parent. And as much as my 3 (9,7,1.5) do my head in at times I can't believe they go back to school in 10 days.

I would like more sleep though. I'm eyeing the littlest there, he is an utter monster.

butmynameisveronica · 29/08/2019 19:35

Congratulations on your little one, there are some great responses on here and I hope they've lifted your mood.

It is tough to adjust to the changes and challenges of becoming a parent, but every new phase has its upsides and down. New babies can be draining but you may find yourself just sitting and staring...there's something amazing about them! It's amazing watching your little someone grow. Personally I find I just don't remember the 'hard bits' with my daughter so much, but I do remember the times she makes me laugh and the look on her face when she discovers something new.

I'm sorry your friends haven't been more supportive - maybe they're going through some stuff with their kids, but they shouldn't be bringing you down. The best thing I did was join local parent groups - free local activities, library groups etc. There's always someone you'll click with and they're going through the exact same thing.

Best wishes! xx

IamWaggingBrenda · 29/08/2019 19:59

I love being a parent. I loved watching the development of my DDs, hearing their opinions, their thoughts on various matters, seeing them “discover” the world, comforting them in the hard times, etc. I would recommend it to anyone who asked. My DDs are now in late teens/ early 20s and I still love their company. They are a joy.

flyingspaghettimonster · 29/08/2019 20:01

Statt a book and write every single funny thing your kid(s) do and say. My kids call ours "the list" and request it gets read out on road trips or special occasions. They love giggling over the funny things they have said and done.

You will never laugh as hard as you do with kids. Every mealtime is filled with chaotic laughter in our house.

There is plenty of drudgery too. But I wouldn't swap a house filled with laughter for anything.

IamWaggingBrenda · 29/08/2019 20:02

I also wanted to add that I think people complain about things because they’re looking for sympathy (we all need that sometimes!). Sure, there are times when you are tired, but that is true in any life. There are times of drudgery, but again, who doesn’t have to do things they don’t enjoy sometimes?

Beach11 · 29/08/2019 20:05

It is the best thing ever 😃

Owlettele · 29/08/2019 20:06

I love it. Have 2 and yes I have less sleep and less time to myself so am more tired than ever before but I genuinely don't mind. I love seeing the world through their eyes and watching them change and develop personality. I enjoy experiencing things with them. They give the best cuddles. Watching their relationship grow is awesome and they just love without judgement. So pure.

Yes there are hard times but not enough to outweigh the pleasure they bring.

justbeingadad · 29/08/2019 20:14

It really depends where your expectations are. If you think you're still going to live your care free child free life but with this little bundle of joy on the side, then you're going to hate it. If you can appreciate the emotional side and reprogram literally everything you know and feel about life, to be life with kids, you'll love it. Holidays are a key one. Understand that for a positive holiday experience you need to put everything about your child first and you'll absolutely love the holidays. Try and force fit a child into an adult holiday and you'll hate it. That's bit to day you csnt have holidays which are enjoyable, just not on your terms. Personally, I think you should question who you associate with if these people are saying this to your during what should be a happy time. Its not our place as parents to piss all over an expectant couples joy (even if half what they say is true)