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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone have anything positive to say about being a parent?

194 replies

Wiltshirelass2019 · 29/08/2019 10:55

Just about to have my first baby and all I seem to read is that being a parent is drudgery. Everyone with kids tells me my life is over and I’ll never sleep again. It’s really getting me down. Aibu or do people with kids never seem to have anything nice to say about parenting when you’re pregnant? I’m shitting myself 😭

OP posts:
FourpintsdowntheKeepers · 29/08/2019 12:23

Every stage brings it's challenges and it's joys. Challenges: physically when they are young and emotionally when they are older. Joys: watching them grow and seeing their characters develop. Laughing every single day at something they've said or done. And ultimately the unconditional love even when we are losing the plot.

Kids are amazing and frustrating and funny all rolled into one.

A friend once told me that their life before kids was in black and white, and now it's in colour. I think that sums it up perfectly.

Pinkblueberry · 29/08/2019 12:24

Cuddles off your own snuggly kids are the best! The first few months can be hard because of the lack of sleep - but that didn’t stop it being enjoyable for me. I’m enjoying the toddler years at the moment, I suppose there’s more fun to be had with them at this age but I still miss the first few weeks and months at times - we just cuddled up and watched box sets a lot of the time,

AlbertWinestein · 29/08/2019 12:26

The first months of having DC1 were some of the happiest of my life. It was such a special time. Having kids is awesome, OP and mine are all teenagers now and I still think that. Good luck!

Slazengerbag · 29/08/2019 12:27

I love it. Mine are teenagers now and I love the adults they are becoming. I would go back and do it all again in an instant.

1300cakes · 29/08/2019 12:29

It's good to be realistic but don't get bogged down in the negativity. I got really depressed during my pregnancy thinking of how I'd ruined my life, which is what everybody told me. Apparently I'd never sleep, eat, talk to an adult or be continent again. Well guess what, I do all those things including being fully continent Wine. On my first day home with bub I had the best nights sleep I'd had for nine months.

Its a lot of fun, and babies are just so cute.

poorlypoppet · 29/08/2019 12:29

There's nothing in my life I adore more than my Ds. I'm so proud of him and seeing him happy is the best feeling in the world!

But it's tough. The first one is the hardest IMO and the baby days feel friggin endless and boring. You'll hear the bad parts more than the good because at times it's hard to escape those bad bits and venting helps so so much. But, for every bad anecdote the parent probably has endless streams of praise and happiness they could bore you with... parents just tend to keep quiet about those bits because bragging about your child constantly can be a bit dull to other folk!

HT85 · 29/08/2019 12:30

I am really tired a lot of the time and it’s hard. I don’t have the social life I used to have and I have aged quite dramatically in the two years since I had my daughter 😂

However, it is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and you will feel love like nothing else. It’s totally worth every sleepless night.

Sweetooth92 · 29/08/2019 12:31

I utterly adore being a parent. My son brings so much joy to my days and never fails to make me smile-even when he’s up for four hour parties in the night and doesn’t go to bed until 10pm (he’s 19 months)

He completes me and I would be lost without him and his cheeky entertaining ways

harper30 · 29/08/2019 12:32

DD is 14 months and amazing, I love being a mum and I'm one of those weird people who loved giving birth too, I'd do it every week!! 😂
Of course there are times when you're tired or frustrated or don't know what to do for the best, but that's life in general not just kid related.
I also enjoy still having time for myself and not only being 'mum', seeing friends, going out with DP just the two of us. If you're lucky with a good baby/support network and know what you want out of life I think you'll be fine!!! Ultimately you get to choose how you feel about it I think, and if things ARE tough and overwhelming, make sure you've got people to talk to about it, or can get some help in the early days from friends or family or paid help if that's what's available to you 👍

Louiselouie0890 · 29/08/2019 12:37

I love it, I'd do it all again including labour if I had the money. Now I just revel in my nieces and nephews. Yes I wanna pull my hair out some days but that's what cartoons and a peaceful cup of tea are for!

My friend is pregnant. I keep hearing people tell her all the usual sleepless nights, constant feeding, colic, reflux nonsense and then go on to say I wish I had a newborn they are so easy, enjoy it while it lasts....

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 29/08/2019 12:38

Yes it's hard work but I wouldn't change it for the world - even the sleepless nights when DC appears by the bed looking for a cuddle! I know it won't be forever so I make the most of it - good times and bad!

Currently suffering secondary infertility- I wish I knew then what I know now and treasured every second of it even more

PrincessHoneysuckle · 29/08/2019 12:44

No gonna lie newborn to 3 is the hardest imo then it's a hell of a lot easier.

GreenOrBlue · 29/08/2019 12:46

I wish people would stop making statements like 'it's not easy' and 'there is a lot of emotional times and sleepless nights' Hmm

That's not true for everyone OP. Mine slept through from birth and breastfed like a dream. He's still amazing. Ignore people's bollocks

PoffleWaffleWoo · 29/08/2019 12:50

Mine slept through from birth and breastfed like a dream.

So did mine and I still find it hard.

My anecdotal experience is that your personality also is a massive factor in how difficult you find it. I'm an introvert and also very sensitive and a worrier. I have found it very hard for those reasons. It seems to me that those who are thicker skinned and more extraverted take it in their stride more.

MarySibleysFamiliar · 29/08/2019 12:57

Being a parent is the best thing I have ever done in my entire life. Yes there's stress and your life completely changes but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't even think it's that tough either. Parenting comes natural to me (okay admittedly I was clueless when firstborn came home but I picked it up quickly) and my three kids are amazing and very well behaved because quite simply, I don't take any shit. The kids know what's expected of them and our house is full of love and laughter every single day.

dottiedodah · 29/08/2019 13:03

It really annoys me when people say things like that!.Honestly to listen to them being so negative .My children are in their 20s now but still in and out staying at W/E and so on .My cousin said to me on our 1st child how much she envied me with that first one!.You will have a ball really ,lots of cuddles, Bathtime ,stories to read as they get a little bigger .trips out seeing everything new through their eyes .Yes its also hard as well some sleepless nights ,teething ,and nappies but worth it a hundred times over!.As they grow each stage is lovely .Lots of chats with DS re Brexit, BJ the state of the world in general!.Shopping trips with DD Went to Primark recently (what a revelation)and coffee /cakes out .Big family Roast Dinners .Looking forward to being a Granny now!

reetgood · 29/08/2019 13:05

I’m one of those who found first 12 months pretty hard. The thing is, like pregnancy and birth, it’s all a bit unknown. However... that also makes it extremely rewarding. More so once you hit whatever is your sweet spot, parenting wise.

Like another person on this thread, I wouldn’t say this to people who have chosen to be or are involuntarily childless but: I think it’s given me the fullest experience I could hope to have. I have been taken places emotionally I did not know I had, both good and bad. And well, that’s certainly living life to the full!

Nobhobs · 29/08/2019 13:12

My DS is 6 weeks so I'm in the thick of the newborn stage and it's bloody hard and I miss a full nights sleep but it's worth every second. He's just started smiling and the second he does I forget how rough the previous night was Grin

kenandbarbie · 29/08/2019 13:13

I love it! Yes it's hard, but I would say it's like climbing a mountain, challenging, exhausting but also so rewarding and fun. My life is complete since I had my children, they are funny, gorgeous, clever, kind, innocent, I love watching them throw and learn. They're only at primary school and I am already dreading them moving away.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 29/08/2019 13:15

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I struggled for a decade and suffered numerous miscarriages before thankfully being able to have our DC, who is the greatest blessing of our lives. The sleepless phase doesn't last forever (the first 12 weeks of breastfeeding were admittedly tough). It's a magical time - enjoy it!

corkmammy3 · 29/08/2019 13:16

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MidCenturyVintageWoman · 29/08/2019 13:18

I was never a 'baby' person, so personally found that stage quite boring and stressful, but once past that I have absolutely loved being a mum. My children, who are adults now, have brought so much joy into our lives I can't begin to tell you (yes there have been stressful and worrying times but the good far outweighs the bad). They make you laugh so much, they open your eyes to see the world in a different way, they bring other people into your life who add so much to it, they give you the mind-blowing experience of loving someone unconditionally, they give you an excuse to go to pantomimes, petting zoos and theme parks, they make Christmas magical! They can also be little shits, make you cry with frustration, push you to your limit and drain you financially - it's one hell of a roller-coaster but I wouldn't change a thing.

DCIRozHuntley · 29/08/2019 13:18

For me, it has been a totally life-affirming, amazing experience. The last 8 year have been so interesting, fun, fulfilling and amazing. There have been dark days and months but the children have been the best decisions I have ever made.

It's absolute drudgery cleaning up after someone else but I have let certain things slide. Weekends feel so much longer, too, when you're up at 6am. DH and I alternate lie ins but we still get hours and hours together and with friends and with DC. Before I'd have spent a lot of time hungover, watching Dickinson's Real Deal and sleeping. They're all fun, but so much more of a novelty now!

Choufleur · 29/08/2019 13:19

Ds is now old enough to walk the dogs

HiJenny35 · 29/08/2019 13:22

Have two. Amazingly luck to have never found it a burden or difficult, I've loved every minute of being a mum and would have more if I could. Wish I'd started having children younger. They are everything to me and I never realised how much I would love it before I had them.
I never wanted children and thought I'd never have them, I always said "it's so patronising that people think I will change my mind" however I did and I wouldn't go back for a second.