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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone have anything positive to say about being a parent?

194 replies

Wiltshirelass2019 · 29/08/2019 10:55

Just about to have my first baby and all I seem to read is that being a parent is drudgery. Everyone with kids tells me my life is over and I’ll never sleep again. It’s really getting me down. Aibu or do people with kids never seem to have anything nice to say about parenting when you’re pregnant? I’m shitting myself 😭

OP posts:
nutbrownhare15 · 29/08/2019 11:39

It's really hard and I've been at my lowest with a baby under 1. Your life will never be the same again. You may get very tired and cry about it (I did). You may fight with your partner like never before (I did). It's all been so worth it. I wouldn't change a thing (maybe set up a bit more support) Meeting your baby is the best thing ever, just looking at them makes me know it's all worthwhile. My daughter is old enough to tell me she loves me. Her joy in the world makes me see everything anew. It gets easier as they grow. It's just amazing. Best of luck to you- it all changes when you meet them, it's hard to know how much you will love them and how amazing they are and how they make everything worth it until you do meet them.

granny24 · 29/08/2019 11:40

And one day you may be lucky enough to be a grandma.That is a w hole new world of fun.

Honeybingbong · 29/08/2019 11:41

Not read the full thread but I’m a mum too 4 children. They are 21,18,14 &1. Parenting is tough sometimes however they are the sunshine in my life. When my first three were little it was the happiest time of my life and I never even knew it (hence the extra 1 with a massive age gap).

I’ll never forget my eldest ds playing and climbing trees with such huge amounts of imagination, my dd’s chatting quietly at midnight with each other when they should be sleeping or my dd only going to bed in a dressy up dress because she’d already had to wear a boring uniform all day.
Watching them grow has been my biggest blessing. I’m amazed sometimes at how I managed to raise 3 kind, loyal and funny kids. Of course it’s been testing and we’ve definitely had some tears along the way but it’s so worth it.

ThursdayLastWeek · 29/08/2019 11:42

I think you just need a sense of perspective (and a sense of humour!)

Of course it’s not shit all the time, but for a long time time there the prevailing imagery of the perfect family with the smiling mother and everything was just peachy.

Surprise surprise that’s not real life Grin

I prefer this new fashion where women are allowed to speak openly about their experiences.

You wouldn’t go into a new job, or new relationship thinking everything was going to be wonderful all the time would you?

Kaiser1805 · 29/08/2019 11:43

Omg yes I'm so sick of hearing "sleep now because you won't sleep when the babies here" "enjoy sex now because it won't happen when the babies here" "no more lovely holidays abroad" "no more time to yourself" "wait until the poo explodes"

I know what it will be like, it will be tiring and sleep deprived and stressful and I know it will be difficult but I don't need to constantly be told, it will be worth it to build my family, ❤️

Completely get what you're saying!

ThursdayLastWeek · 29/08/2019 11:45

Its kind of 'hope for the best, expect the worst'. That way you won’t be disappointed and might be pleasantly surprised Smile

Bummywitch · 29/08/2019 11:45

I too was annoyed with the doomsayers on here when I was pregnant but then I realised they were right. I have found it so hard. I adore my son more than anything in the world but the unrelenting anxiety and responsibility is something else. The worry about him being happy. I can't explain it.

Bummywitch · 29/08/2019 11:46

And BTW my kid is a good sleeper and always has been.

Baguetteaboutit · 29/08/2019 11:46

Yes, it wonderful. The best adventure of my life. Full of love, laughter and learning. The first year is shit though - just power through it as best you can.

Buyitinbamboo · 29/08/2019 11:49

I have become a better person since being a mum. I care more about feminist and environmental issues. Because they will make a difference to my daughters life. I am more understanding and more in touch with my emotions.

Yes it's tiring but totally worth it.

saraclara · 29/08/2019 11:57

People love to moan, and to be honest, we know that if we go on about how great our kids are, we'll be seen as smug! So sometimes moaning is code among mothers, for "isn't it great being a mum?"

Yes, I can remember sobbing in desperation at 3am when I'd have done anything for my bed and a sleeping child. But the highs and the absolute contentment and unconditional love (in both directions) were just wonderful.

My daughter is just a few weeks away from giving birth, and I hope I can put over the joy along with the realism for her.

Flippetydip · 29/08/2019 11:59

Oh....and the pride when my DD won't let anyone else read her Harry Potter because "sorry, but only Mum does the voices properly".

The utter, overwhelming, all consuming love. It's amazing.

@Bummywitch - how old are your DC? I felt very much the same for the first 4 or 5 years. It was only really after that that I managed to relax into it and enjoy it a bit more. There are of course moments of utter anxiety and overwhelming feelings of responsibility but more moments (for me, at this very moment - it will change!) of unbridled joy and enthusiasm. (Don't get me wrong, I still shout and nag quite a lot, but in my soul, I'm happy.)

PapayaCoconut · 29/08/2019 12:00

I would never say this to anyone who was involuntary childless or happily childfree, but since you're asking... In my children, I feel that I have found the meaning of life.

KUGA · 29/08/2019 12:03

Its the best thing in the world being a parent.
I think whoever said life`s over etc said it tongue and cheek.
My boys are now men and boy if I could turn the clock back I would.
That being said,i love being a Grandma to four Grandchildren.
Please believe me you will absolutely adore being a mom.
The first few months are not plain sailing as your adjusting to a new baby in the house.
Wishing you all a happy life .

Magpiefeather · 29/08/2019 12:03

I’ve been surprised by how hard I have found it . But....

Dd is 2 and 3 months now and is just an utter joy. I feel so incredibly lucky I get to be her mum and share this precious phase of life with her. Sometimes I remember to drink it all in when we are all laughing and dancing or playing at home - just every day run of the mill family life - because I know when I’m old and frail it’ll be these times I look back on as the happiest of my life.

There is so much joy to be found in being a parent, OP. But yes it is incredibly hard and when it is, you are allowed to complain . The joy and the hardship can exist at the same time! Good luck!

Drabarni · 29/08/2019 12:06

I wouldn't swap mine for the world, practically all grown ups now. I know what you mean, I hear it all the time. The worst is referring to looking after your children and playing with them as childcare, like you are a nursery worker Sad
Some parents never see their kids and have them in childcare so much they can't distinguish between the two.

EmrysAtticus · 29/08/2019 12:08

I found the baby stage incredibly hard but from 18 months parenting DS has been a complete joy. He is my favourite person in the whole world. I have just spent the six weeks of the summer holidays with him and it has been the best time of my life. Parenting is everything I ever hoped it would be (conveniently forget the first year Grin).

I am sticking with one though due to the bad baby stage and also because life is perfect with one and I refuse to upset the apple cart.

Yes it is tiring but now that DS is 3 it is physical tiredness (aching muscles from running around all day) rather than the emotional and sleep deprivation tiredness of the baby stage. It is now very easily fixed by a relaxed evening and a good night's sleep :)

Jeremybearimybaby · 29/08/2019 12:13

Parenting is lovely. Yes it's hard, and tiring, and all that, but the love. OH! The love! It's overwhelming! But in a good way! Grin Don't beat yourself up if you don't have the 'rush' of love straight away, it doesn't always happen, and that's ok.
You're in for a treat, and I wish you all the happiness. Just sit and hold baby when they're born, and don't listen to anyone who tries to tell you negative nonsense.
PS, it doesn't matter if you aren't perfect, none of us are either Flowers

Kplpandd · 29/08/2019 12:15

Love it! All I ever wanted is to be a mum xx

CookPassBabtridge · 29/08/2019 12:17

It's one of those things that is hard work, but it's amazing. I absolutely love being a mum and adore my two kids. They bring me SO much pleasure every day. They also make
me swear under my breath every day Grin The hard work just becomes automatic anyway, just part of life. And as they get older you get to sleep properly again and go out socialising etc.

Ginkypig · 29/08/2019 12:18

Iv not read the thread yet but I just wanted to point out to you that mn like other places tends to be somewhere you come (when starting a thread) when you need to chat or if things feel tough.

in other words if things are great and everything is happy happy joy joy people don't tend to feel the need to start a thread to discuss it!

Think of mn like the gp, you like your gp, if your gp had a tv program you might watch your gp because you find others interesting but you don't necessarily want to talk to the gp when things are good only when you don't feel great.

Did I stretch the mn as a gp simile too far? Blush

Whattodo20192 · 29/08/2019 12:19

I have a 5 year old and a 2 month old who are both amazing.
I had my 5 year old when I was 23, he was great and slept through the night from 5 weeks old. He's travelled around Europe with us - sun holidays and city holidays and We love bringing him with us and have made so many memories. I went back to work when he was 6 months old and finished off my professional qualification. I love getting home from work every day and seeing his happy face when he sees me and him running up to me for a hug and kiss.
The new baby was born in June and has been a bit more challenging, he's a hungry baby and wakes frequently and has colic in the evenings. But I'm so in love with him. When I talk to him and he smiles or talks back my heart melts.

MsMarvellous · 29/08/2019 12:19

I've just spent the morning down the beach with my kids. We had an amazing time just hanging out and having a plodge. It IS hard work but there's nothing quite like it and I wouldn't change it for the world.

20viona · 29/08/2019 12:21

People are always so quick to tell you you'll never look the same again either. I was a slim size 10 and people were quick to say ah you'll miss your figure when you've had the baby, I literally looked the same from 4 days post partum. Everyone is so different and no experience is the same.

BobTheFishermansWife · 29/08/2019 12:22

It's one of the best things I've ever done and my son is 7 weeks old.
The first few weeks are hard, day 3 my oh called my mum for help because we didn't sleep and I wouldn't stop crying (apparently day 3-5 you become a hormonal wreck, so don't worry)
Once you get into a grove, not a routine because there's no such thing with a newborn, but once you start to get used to eachother and baby is used to having actual space and you're used to having this tiny bundle who crys, poos, feeds and sleeps all the time. It becomes bloody amazing!!

One bit of advice, accept any help that offered to you, because you can't do everything and shouldn't expect it of yourself.
Congratulations!!