I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

Also this just popped into my head but you said your a little 'larger' do your blouses fit properly or is there a gap where your bra might be showing? I have big boobs and always wear a vest top under a blouse for this reason so maybe this could be an issue.

If the dress code is casual you should adhere to it.
It would be a huge aibu and scorning if it were the other way round!

Appletina! you just cannot win! perhaps a several chages of clothes at work depening on who you meet with!.

It depends what your job is. I work in a housing association and dependant on each persons role we all dress differently. Our frontline staff dress casually but to different degrees dependant on the type of resident group they work with. The back office staff are more smart casual. The ceo and fd might go all out and wear a tie if they have an important meeting. I know if our frontline staff went out in what you describe it wouldn't be the type of image our ceo would want to portray and he'd probably make a similar comment.

At the request of her Manager, she's been asked to dress more casually.
We don't know who made the comment. Or can you show us a post by the OP in which she makes that clear, that everyone else is missing?

I work in Finance in the city and I don't even wear Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. Just pop along to H&M and buy some more casual dresses.

What is this, competitive cheap dressing? I work at home, on my own in a tiny room, and sometimes I wear my Jaeger jumpers and Reiss T-shirt. What do you make of that?

Just pop along to H&M
Do you know how belittling, infantilising and patronising you're being?

I think it's a fine balance... I've worked in the charity sector, within the NHS and with lots of people from local councils etc., and there's such a range of different styles and levels of how smart or casual people dress. There are definitely some roles and situations where you don't want to stand out as too formally dressed.

A skirt and a top can also be many things... A smart dry-clean only pencil skirt with a silk blouse, or a printed cotton skirt with a jersey t-shirt.

If the comments came from your manager I would take them on board and at least consider if there's anything you can change without completely changing your style.

Butterfly the op hasn’t said it was her manager and what has the size of her boobs got to do with dressing too smartly?

I’m quite savvy thanks, Laurie

You don’t sound savvy at all to me frankly.

Do you think that a senior creative would be castigated for wearing a Marc Jacobs dress and Chanel ballet pumps?

I’ve worked in places where the vibe is much more hipster than this. I’ve also worked places where the vibe is more cutting edge. You would not be openly castigated, but it would be made known to you that your image isn’t quite right.

I’ve also done a job where it’s very important that people open up to me and let their guard down quickly. Not vulnerable people I hasten to add, but all kinds.

Turning up what you describe would hinder my ability to do that job and people starting off in this industry are frequently told to dress down.

There you go, OP. Just ‘pop along’ and buy some cheap and in-intimidating little dresses. Also, your breasts are too big and you should wear a vest top. Yes, the problem is obviously you.

UN-intimidating.

You don’t sounds savvy at all to me frankly

HAHAHAHAHA!

Keep them coming. You don’t like being disagreed with, do you? Do you usually respond to it with insults, or do you save that for the internet? I can’t see it going over well with the people you need to get to ‘open up to you quickly’.

Why not post a picture of you in your ‘hipster’ clothes, being ‘cutting edge’? We’re all keen to learn from our dress and cardigan wearing mistakes.

Why not post a picture of you in your ‘hipster’ clothes, being ‘cutting edge’? We’re all keen to learn from our dress and cardigan wearing mistakes.

Wow, defensive

I’m sure what you describe is perfect attire for lots of jobs. But my point is not all.

God I am surprised how many people think it is appropriate for anyone to comment on someone else's clothes in the workplace unless they are completely disregarding a uniform policy that it part of their contract of employment or enforced for health and safety reasons etc. Surely the issue should be about how competent someone is at their job not how they look !

Yep those damn women with their large breasts and refusal to wear cheap dresses.

YABU to ignore a management instruction (if indeed it was an instruction)

It is also necessary sometimes to flex your dress style within one job role.
I am going to court wear a suit.
Going to meet a parent for the first time, when I want to look friendly but also like I am professional enough to be able to help their dc then smart casual.
Going to be spending the day doing creative therapy with dc then jeans and a top.
It is worth thinking about what you wear and why.

Can I have an example of cutting edge hipster clothes, I’m really intrigued.

I remember on my grad scheme we had a session about dress and the messages what you’re wearing sends off. They went through colours, items of clothing etc and was so helpful. I always have a frank conversation with my new grads about dress code and the differences between external and internal meetings and expectations. There are often so many unspoken rules.

Grunt YABU to ignore a management instruction (if indeed it was an instruction)

Again, management cannot instruct people on how to dress. If there is a dress code it is almost certainly not as nuanced as this. The OP was dressed appropriately. The employer risks being sued.

I thought we had all advanced to more toleration of clothing choices in the workplace. Some people simply feel better in smart clothes - I know I do, because I'm short and simply look better in more tailored clothing. Squidging about in black jeans and flat shoes is not a great look for me and I would be hard pushed not to look scruffy.

Can I have an example of cutting edge hipster clothes, I’m really intrigued.

Look I wasn’t particularly good at it. Vintage was popular though.

There are often so many unspoken rules.

This is it exactly. There’s a lot of complexity that’s never spelt out. Some people are very, very good at picking up the nuances though.

DarlingNikita
.....wow

[polite face]

You would not be openly castigated, but it would be made known to you that your image isn’t quite right.
Is that RL, Laurie ,or is it The Devil Wears Prada? And yes, sure, I'm being 'defensive', that's right.

Also, your breasts are too big and you should wear a vest top.

To be fair, most men don't show much of their chest in a work environment, nor wear sleeveless tops, nor very short shorts either.

We don't have to cover up, but there's something to be said about not showing too much skin in most work environments.