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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

734 replies

Appletina · 28/08/2019 13:05

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
QualCheckBot · 28/08/2019 15:29

So sorry I clicked YABU by mistake! Of course you're not being unreasonable.

All this judging of womens' clothes. It starts from the length of schoolgirl's skirts and the perceived tightness of their trousers to adults.

I suggest you take whoever said that to you aside and whisper the words "indirect sexual discrimination" and "overt attention to women's clothing when women have more range than a man to choose from and a different shape to accommodate. Then tell him that you only feel comfortable in the type of clothing you pick to choose your shape. Your clothing is not in any shape or form inappropriate for the workplace and shouldn't be micro-managed like this.

I'd say your clothes are high end and expensive and would stand out where I work - university.

Really? Ex university lecturer here who dressed primarily in Reiss and Ted Baker for the job in order to look smart. Looking like a student doesn't really cut it in my subject.

TheUltimateGoober · 28/08/2019 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovelookslikethis · 28/08/2019 15:34

Looking professional and well groomed is certainly not a sin. Could it be jealousy?

TheMistressQuickly · 28/08/2019 15:36

Did a woman make the comment? Probably jealous.

Iamthewombat · 28/08/2019 15:36

What the posters demanding to know exactly where the OP works, and as what, are missing is that unless she works down a mine or on a building site etc., for which a dress, cardigan and flat ballet pumps would be inappropriate and/or unsafe, she is perfectly decently and acceptably dressed for most kinds of work. If a dress and a cardigan are considered too smart for an office environment, I don’t see that as the OP’s problem to solve.

If my boss told me that I dressed too smartly I’d tell him not to be ridiculous. If he told me that I was too scruffy I’d listen.

Bertieandernie · 28/08/2019 15:38

I was told I dress to smart once too and I work in a school Grin I always thought that was how you was supposed to dress 😂

sallyedmondson · 28/08/2019 15:38

Are you a health visitor Op?
If so you will have a written dress code policy. As long as you don't breech that wear what you want. Your manner towards people you deal with is far more important than what you wear.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/08/2019 15:38

I think dressing well shows that I am taking people seriously and that those who use my services can trust me to know what I'm talking about

IMO you're absolutely right, but if as you say colleagues dress scruffily, could this be an attempt to make you do the same so they're not obliged to raise their game themselves?

TheUltimateGoober · 28/08/2019 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cabingirl · 28/08/2019 15:40

OP - it's really hard to determine who is BU if we don't know the industry you work in. But I wonder if what's actually being implied is you are coming across as unapproachable to clients/customers at work and your manager or whoever it was told you to adjust your workwear was trying to find a way to (very badly) let you know.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 28/08/2019 15:41

It doesn’t matter what we, or you think, your boss has asked you to adjust your attire , you have two option 1) comply and adjust 2) leave ... you could argue you case but why would you,? the only opinion that matters is the person who employs you

perplexedagain · 28/08/2019 15:46

Umm this is a tricky area. i thought that employers shied away from commenting on dress codes these days because of potential for it to be misconstrued as sexual discrimination (especially if not applied equallly in the workforce). I would be inclined not to change your dress and point out (in writing) to whoever made the comment that you were upset and taken by their comments about your appearance in the workplace and if there is an issue/concerns with your work can they please put these in writing ... I think this stuff is pretty out of order to be honest unless there is a clear uniform policy and an associated clothing allowance or uniform provided

SquintEastwood · 28/08/2019 15:46

Depends on your job.

I work with young people with disabilities, I was laughed at on my first day for wearing black trousers and flat leather shoes. I quickly learnt why - Now I wear jeans, t-shirt, hoodie and trainers and I tell new starts to do the same.

We present ourselves as casual, relaxed and friendly to make sure that we are approachable and easy to relate with to the kids and their carers.

EleanorReally · 28/08/2019 15:47

how can you afford it?
are you well paid?
YABU for not giving further information

pikapikachu · 28/08/2019 15:50

I think it's hard to comment without specifics. Dressing like the Duchess of Cambridge is too smart in some workplaces and too casual in others.
My 18yo works in retail and pretty much everyone is in (non-ripped) black skinny jeans and black tops. (The older staff might wear smarter black work trousers but they are not much different tbh ) Are there guidelines on what to wear?

diddl · 28/08/2019 15:50

" for example when you can see the tops of someone's tights because their skirts/dresses are too short? "

So others wear dresses & skirts?

So what's the difference-if any-between your dresses & skirts & theirs?

Iamthewombat · 28/08/2019 15:51

How the OP affords clothes is her business. What she earns is her business.

A poster upthread thinks that the OP should dress less smartly or leave her job. Do we have to be timid little mice, changing our appearance to look less groomed or high end because our boss might not like it? We don’t even know that it is the OP’s boss who commented on her work attire but again, she is perfectly decently dressed for the majority of office-based roles.

Dontstepinthecowpat · 28/08/2019 15:52

To be honest, when you talk about "a nice dress with a cardigan", I can see where they're coming from.

What? That is exactly what I am wearing today, with a pair of Birkenstocks and my hair in a pony tail. I am a company director and as long as my staff are clean and tidy I couldn't care less what they wear. I wouldn't bat an eye at a nice dress and cardigan!

IsobelRae23 · 28/08/2019 15:53

Honestly it’s hard to say without knowing your job. When I was working with mangers and their mangers, managing directors and board of directors I wore smart suits.

When I was working with the staff teams, I wore trousers and a top, because I was already ‘from head office’ so was in a higher role. But I needed to be approachable as I was the one that many issues were disclosed too, so if staff did not feel comfortable and felt intimidated because of my position, then they wouldn’t confide in me. Then there wore the days I’d be in jogging bottoms, hoodie and trainers- and get told I looked about 16! God I miss my job 😔

QualCheckBot · 28/08/2019 15:53

Nofuckingworries It doesn’t matter what we, or you think, your boss has asked you to adjust your attire , you have two option 1) comply and adjust 2) leave ... you could argue you case but why would you,? the only opinion that matters is the person who employs you

No. No. No. You cannot be sacked for something like this. It has to a be a reasonable reason for dismissal in this case relating to your competency to do the job. This is in no shape or form a reasonable reason for dismissal, or indeed for justification for failure to progress. It simply wouldn't stand up in a court or tribunal - the employer would be laughed at. I cannot think of any dress code that this would not comply with and even dress codes are not necessarily enforceable.

LaurieMarlow · 28/08/2019 15:53

if my boss told me that I dressed too smartly I’d tell him not to be ridiculous. If he told me that I was too scruffy I’d listen.

I though people were more savvy and nuanced in their understanding of dress codes nowadays and get how clothes can impact how one comes across.

Obviously not.

littleorangecat22 · 28/08/2019 15:58

If I was told to dress more casually I would, as long as I could use the company credit card to purchase the new clothes. Opinions might change then...

Iamthewombat · 28/08/2019 16:03

I’m quite savvy thanks, Laurie. Enough to know that there is nothing wrong with dressing smartly for work. You say that you work in a creative profession. Do you think that a senior creative would be castigated for wearing a Marc Jacobs dress and Chanel ballet pumps? Thought not. It’s decent, smart and appropriate and if anybody is intimidated by it I doubt that the wearer would care.

Looking too scruffy, on the other hand, leads colleagues and clients to wonder how professional and capable you are. That harms the business and will hold back your progress, if you are ambitious. That’s the difference.

DarlingNikita · 28/08/2019 16:05

I suspect that the OP has been given a tip to help her in her role, rather than a criticism.

Well, we don't know, do we?

And, as I've said, I think the OP is well within her rights to ask if there has been feedback/complaints from the public about her clothes.

I'd say try a week in something like indigo or black jeans (no rips) with some plain v-necked long sleeved t-shirts and smart leather trainers, and see how you go.
I'd say sod off.
What if the OP doesn't own clothes like that and doesn't want to buy or wear them?
What if she turned up in this new basic bitch clobber and her boss (if it was a boss who said this shit in the first place) took against that too?

ButterflyOne1 · 28/08/2019 16:07

I think we're all missing the point a bit here. At the request of her Manager, she's been asked to dress more casually. The Manager has given what they believe to be a valid reason so surely they should just respect it.

I work in Finance in the city and I don't even wear Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. Just pop along to H&M and buy some more casual dresses.