I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

I'm surprised that so many people still seem to think dressing smartly makes people respect others more or take them more seriously. Really? People still make assumptions on people's characters or professionalism based on clothes?

I work with software devs, engineers, analysts etc. People walk around in their socks, wear leggings and hoodies, I tend to wear tie dye and birks. A few people have slippers at the office. Nobody bats an eye.

Hop it is a reasonable request from your manager to ask you to change them, and it is your contractual obligation to follow reasonable requests.

Its not a reasonable request! Employers can't dictate the exact outfit choices people make, if there isn't a uniform and it complies with the dress code!

I'm surprised that so many people still seem to think dressing smartly makes people respect others more or take them more seriously. Really? People still make assumptions on people's characters or professionalism based on clothes?
Whereas I'm surprised that people on MN claim to be so enlightened that they'd never make any kind of subconscious judgement at all because they are so much more advanced than the rest of humanity.

They'd never see someone dressed in a way that seems out of place for the context and think it was unusual or odd. They'd never relate differently to people based on outward appearance. They get to know every single person they've ever met on a personal level before deciding whether to be friends because they'd never look at someone and think "we probably don't have much in common". They'd never walk into a courtroom and think it odd that a barrister was wearing gym shorts. Everyone else in the world is so backwards.

Meanwhile in the rest of the world, people have the sense to understand how attire reflects different contexts, that humans do make visual assessments, that the way we dress does create a form of communication (amusingly, the people who claim it's so judgemental to acknowledge this tend to be people who are oh so in favour of nobody changing their attire by context because their self expression is so important, which doesn't make sense if clothing doesn't communicate anything).

This thread is hilarious. For all the wrong reasons.

Here is what we have learned:

• The OP should comply with any request to dress less smartly, irrespective of the dress code of her workplace, because if she doesn’t she will definitely be sacked. Yes. Never mind employment law. It is all about the nuances. The dark ‘powers that be’ will find a way to get rid of the OP, dresses and all.

• Anybody working in a public facing, public sector role should dress as badly as their scruffiest clients. Because then they won’t make those clients feel bad when they are ‘at a low ebb’. Because a dress and a cardigan evoke emotions in other people.

• Hobbs blouses are frightening. Even if you can’t see the label (BTW, nice one the poster who said that we should dress police officers in the terrifying dress and cardigan combo).

• Cheap dresses are not frightening. Even if you can’t see the label. Take note, police officers!

• Nobody should ever dress better than his or her manager. Because that’s not on, and you will definitely get sacked.

• The OP’s pig-headed insistence on wearing a nice dress means that she is no good at her job because it shows that she is unable to respond to the needs of people terrified by dresses and cardigans.

Of course, we all know what the OP’s real crime is. Buying things in shops that not everybody can afford. And, taking a pride in her appearance. Why can’t she just make no effort and dress badly? Then her colleagues (and their kindred spirits on this thread) won’t feel bad about themselves.

I was sorry to hear that the hipster, cutting edge clothes turned out to be expensive black jeans, a scruffy t shirt and a beard (men only). My imagination was running riot. I even sketched some ideas whilst on the train. One of them was a muu muu made out of tea towels.

Iamthewombat
Yes, that's it in a nutshell!

Oh theres no reasoning with some of them IAmTheWombat. They live in a world where women in the workplace can be forced by men into wearing the clothes they prefer to see women in, or they will mysteriously lose their jobs.

Incidentally, I've just watched The Handmaid's Tale on playback.

I said a receptionist in a Hobbs dress would not have been acceptable in the creative agency I worked in. That had nothing to do with accessibility. But it had a certain image that it conveyed to clients. And a receptionist in a Hobbs dress would not have fitted in with that.
Just as if I went to the offices of a top fashion house I would expect the receptionists to fit in with that brand.
Receptionists jobs often of all jobs, have certain expectations about work wear because they are often the first person clients see. So a receptionist at a charity for homeless people would usually be expected to dress very differently to a receptionist in a top fashion house.

Generally at work, what you wear should fit in. So if everyone else dresses very smart, then so should you. If people dress more casually, then dress more casually. There is no dress code at my workplace, but I can tell just from looking at staff what is acceptable dress.

Iamthewombat QualCheckBot
Still giggling at reasons for wearing expensive black jeans:

They’re signalling something about their values and priorities

and wondering what the hell those values and priorities are

@iamthewombat The uniform may have moved on by now. But it was a very boring uniform of sorts. And although they looked incredibly scruffy, they all wore very expensive black jeans and scruffy t shirts. I am not promoting wearing this, just saying that many sectors do have a kind of informal uniform.

It is amazing how many mock this. But if someone was posting saying they had been told to smarten up I suspect most would be telling them they had to do this. By the way I have seen people not be offered jobs at interview because the way they dressed did not fit in.

I worked in a team that was very very casual. I look so young for my age, that if I turned up at work, like the others, in jeans, trainers and T-shirt, I would look like a work experience school kid. So I did dress a bit smarter....like what op says...dress, cardie, nice but flat/low heals. Definitely not to smart, but it annoyed my colleagues so much. They constantly made remarks about my clothing. They generally hated me in the end , because I was slimmer, prettier and younger looking than them. They were all in the slimming world club. I desperately wanted to be in slimming world too, so they wouldn't be so fucking mean to me every day, but I was blatantly too skinny. I was only skinny cos I have an anxiety disorder!! The jealousy and bullying became so intense I had a bit of a breakdown. OP BE CAREFUL . Maybe find another job/team where people can accept you as you are. I wish I had done that. Female bullying is brutal, and if your face doesn't fit, you're in trouble

Brilliant post Iamthewombat mumsnet never fails to educate me, who knew a cardi could be so intimidating? I can now safely hang round street corners in my cardigan safe in the knowledge that I look ‘hard’.

There are some absolute idiots on this thread

I like this thread

Great summing up Iamthewombat.
It's a crazy ol place is MN.😀

Sign of the times when a cardy's intimidating

Really? People still make assumptions on people's characters or professionalism based on clothes?

^

Yup.

My summary of this thread would be- “people who wouldn’t even blink if someone had been asked to smarten up a bit at work go into overreaction overdrive because someone was told to dress a bit more casually”

iamthewombat excellent post.

I am astonished at the hypocrisy on this thread. You have to be casual, but the right kind of casual, ie skinny designer jeans and DMs etc. So your casual look could feasibly cost ten times what someone else clad in a dress and cardigan has spent, but - hey, no, they are the one "intimidating" the clients...

Also, the OP has mentioned that they are not particularly svelte and I don't know what age they are, but many women do not suit skinny jeans/DMs/hoodie look. Try to imagine a size 16, 5'3" 55-year-old wearing this "approved" casual outfit. They might look - and feel - a prat. And jeans can be damn uncomfortable! I hate having my legs squeezed like sausages. Sitting all day at a desk with my circulation cut off... no thanks.

Clearly nobody cares how anyone dresses.
That's why we wear trouser suits going for a walk on the beach and bikinis to weddings.

A too formal style may discourage some people in whatever type of activity the OP engages in.
She doesn't have to dress as the worst dressed of her customers/clients, but it may not be a good idea to dress like the 1% that she sees.

I'd guess that someone who won't adjust style of dressing may also have a similar attitude when dealing with people.
I doubt dress style would have been mentioned if she was overall friendly and approachable.

I am astonished at the hypocrisy on this thread. You have to be casual, but the right kind of casual, ie skinny designer jeans and DMs etc. So your casual look could feasibly cost ten times what someone else clad in a dress and cardigan has spent, but - hey, no, they are the one "intimidating" the clients...

Style of dressing has nothing to do with cost. Or brand.

The only person who mentioned jeans as a work uniform was me. That was in a creative company. Never seen it anywhere else.

I agree with flowery's summing up though. This thread astonishes me.

Iamthewombat totally agree.

Sign of the times when a cardy's intimidating

Hahaha