I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

I’m astonished too. Particularly that there’s such resistance and defensiveness towards the following points being argued.

A) that it’s possible to be dressed too smartly for a role (though whether that applies to the OP or not depends on context she hasn’t shared)

B) different industries and roles have different dress codes, some of which are implicit rather than spelt out

C) how you dress impacts how you come across to other people.

I wish I could wear jeans for work.
I'm going to wear my dresses , cardis and flat shoes with the attitude 'Don't fuck with me..... Or else!'

jeans at work pretty standard in many IT companies. I look awful in jeans, just cannot get it right. I loved iamthewombat's post.

Also I don’t think anyone on this thread is saying that cardigans are intimidating.

Rather that a Hobbes dress could well be.

When my teenage students get stroppy I'm going to just state at them whilst I put my cardi on over my dress.
That should make the fuckers tremble in their shoes.

A colleague went for a job interview for a school caretaker job, in his best suit
he was criticized during the interview, saying he should not expect to a wear a suit in the role.
bastards

LaurieMarlow
I agree with you. It is ridiculous that so many adults claim that clothes don't matter, nobody should take anything from clothes etc whilst at the same time arguing that someone's right to wear what they want is oh so important because it's their style and self expression.

The lack of logic is bizarre: it shouldn't matter what someone wants to wear because clothes don't matter and it's about how well they do the job, except clothes totally so matter to the point where making some small changes to industry norms is an unreasonable expectation. Surely if the clothes don't matter at all then just make a small adaptation like a sensible adult.

Did we ever find out who spoke to the OP?

I cba to wade through all this to find out

No we didn't.

But I suspect we won't ever find out because they were probably only looking for replies that say "gosh how rude of them, Hobbs dresses are smart and they're probably feeling really insecure based on how you dress. Keep doing your own thing"

Three Hobbs dresses. All similar prices

Surely people can see that there's a difference on how the wearer comes across.

My husband used to be a management consultant for one of the big four. He had an assignment in the States with a global footwear company. He says he felt a complete tit on the first day when he and his team went in suited and booted, while the client team were in jeans and trainers. Nobody needed to say a thing, they dressed like the client the next day.

Iamthewombat Wed 28-Aug-19 23:32:05
This thread is hilarious. For all the wrong reasons.Here is what we have learned:

You've nailed it

I can't wait to see police officers in their cardi and dress ensemble. That will be SUPER-intimidating for the criminal element here in Hackney.

I don’t think that anybody (anybody who understood the OP’s question and didn’t jump in with unasked for style/shopping advice or demands to know exactly where she worked and how much she earned) said that clothes didn’t matter, or that people don’t judge you on your clothes. Of course they do.

The OP asked a very reasonable question, which was, paraphrased, “I’m wearing casual business attire and somebody at work has told me that I’m dressing too smartly. Here are the shops I buy my clothes from, and here’s a brief description of what I wear. I work in a public facing office environment and I don’t work with homeless or sick people. Some of my colleagues wear skirts so short that you can see their underwear. Am I at fault, and if so, why?”

The point is not “wear whatever you like because clothes don’t matter”. What you wear does convey a message. The point being made is that the OP is dressed decently and appropriately. She’s clean and presentable and is wearing an outfit that many posters from a range of backgrounds say they wear a variation of at work.

She can’t be expected to be liable for people finding a dress and cardigan intimidating. Nor can she be forced to dress in a different manner because of ‘nuances’ or colleagues preferring her to do so. She is appropriately dressed for her job.

It doesn’t matter that other posters have worked in ‘hipster’ or ‘cutting edge’ environments (I am still longing to see examples of these hipster work outfits. Post a link! Even if it’s not you wearing it). You can’t require somebody to dress in a hipster way, or in jeans, or in skirts so short you can see their knickers, just because somebody in the office thinks that they should. The OP is showing up to work in smart casual business attire. She is presenting herself professionally. That’s enough.

Thinking of trying the same thing next time I wander through Moss Side @DarlingNikita

Fear the cardigan and frock!

This is all so strange, so much resistance here.
The OP has said she wears smart dresses, and she has also said she has been told she dresses too smartly.
Posters on here have decided that as long as she is smartly dressed, she is fine. Clearly her manager doesn't agree.
It is all about context. If she works in a creative industry for example, she may come across as being very formal and conservative which could put clients off if that is not the image her company is seeking to portray. Her clothing could well be completely inappropriate in that context and if it is possibly affecting business it would not seem unreasonable to ask her to dress more casually.
Likewise, jeans and a t shirt would be inappropriate in other industries and it would be appropriate to ask for more formal clothing to be worn.
Can people not understand this?

Fear the cardigan and frock!

I'm looking at Womans Weekly with new eyes. Clearly it should be in the "Crime and Thrillers" section

Clearly her manager doesn't agree.
We don't know who has told her she's not dressing appropriately.

Can people not understand this?
How ironic

Is it that the OP is committing the crime of being frumpy that is getting some posters on this thread frothing?

People keep suggesting all sorts of trendy ensembles; no one has put forward that OP should don a nice pair of slacks and a comfy blouse. Topped off (or bottomed off) with a sturdy pair of mum boots.

To my mind I'd be far more intimidated if I turned up at an office and was faced with someone who was very trendy, however casual that outfit might be compared with someone in a dress and cardi.

But, as others have said, the only thing that really matters is a welcoming smile and a pleasant and helpful attitude. As long as that's the case, I couldn't care if they were wearing a rhino costume.

Irma- as I've said, i run a business (no employees).
Dress code is casual. Clients dress casually. All good.
If I had an employee, I would ask them to dress casually.
Smart dresses and suits would seem out of place.
Trendy jeans or whatever- fine.
Nice slacks and mum boots- fine.
ANYTHING CASUAL- expensive or otherwise- fine
Smart- potentially off-putting to clients IMO, potentially damaging to my business- not fine.
What is wrong with this?

What is wrong with it is, you cannot require your employee, if you get one, to adopt a special dress code if he/she is turning up neatly and decently clad in what is generally accepted to be appropriate business attire. Try it and see what happens.

If you went to work somewhere, in an admin role, where your manager decided that all the female employees should dress in gold hot pants and sequinned bras because that’s what the clients felt comfortable with (NOT A LAP DANCING BAR, take note), would you think that was reasonable? Of course not. Your argument is bobbins.

How can a dress and cardy be damaging.

Iamthewombat I agree with you, very well put.

OK, I'm not going to win this one.
But conversely, if i had a very smart dress code and an employee turned up in jeans and flip flops and I asked them to return in formal business wear, that would be OK I presume?

Yes, because the employee in jeans and flip flops would not be wearing what is generally accepted to be appropriate and reasonable business attire. If you are running a beach bar, no problem. If you are an accountancy firm, for example, you can ask people to dress appropriately for business, in the generally accepted style.

@LaurieMarlow brilliant I’m going to go get myself a Hobbs dress now I’ve lost the baby weight, and wear it to the next challenging meeting I have so I can really f*ck people up 😂🤣😂.