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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

734 replies

Appletina · 28/08/2019 13:05

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

OP posts:
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Genderfree · 28/08/2019 19:35

Jenny there’s a big difference between dressing scruffily (in any job) and dressing smartly.

Remember that although we don’t where the OP works, she doesn’t work with vulnerable people and she sits behind a desk. In this situation why is it so wrong to dress smartly when she already said you can see the top of some employees tights which is totally inappropriate in most jobs.

goose1964 · 28/08/2019 19:39

Years ago I worked for the DHSS and my friend used to visit people in their homes, not fraud but people with complicated claims or they were unable to get to the office, and she had to wear jeans etc so she wasn't intimidating so I think it depends on your job but for most it's totally unacceptable to tell you this.

Original poster
Appletina · 28/08/2019 19:48

Not a receptionist or a HV. Sorry I can’t be more specific.

The posts about being taken seriously do resonate - not just in wanting the public and other professionals to feel reassured that I know my stuff but also to project a sense of respect towards those with whom I work. I think scruffy dressing implies that I don’t think you’re worth the effort.

OP posts:
Original poster
Appletina · 28/08/2019 19:49

Love that outfit! @YesQueen Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Appletina · 28/08/2019 19:50

Believe it or not I hadn’t even considered checking my contract for the dress code. I will do so.

OP posts:
Genderfree · 28/08/2019 19:51

Who actually told you that you were dressing to smartly? Was it your boss and is there a dress code?

HeadintheiClouds · 28/08/2019 19:52

Why on earth can’t you be more specific? Are you the only one in the country doing your job in a dress?!

flowery · 28/08/2019 19:55

”Again, management cannot instruct people on how to dress.” Of course they can, and that happens all the time, either through a dress code, a uniform, or informal guidance as to what is appropriate for the role.

”The employer risks being sued.”

Sued?! What would be the claim??

If this comment has come from someone with authority, I would hazard a guess that they are more likely to have an accurate understanding of what kind of attire is most suitable for the role, and what might be intimidating for whoever the OP deals with, than anyone on this thread who is getting all up in arms about this for reasons which escape me.

All the OP has been told is to dress more casually. No one is being specific about exact items of clothing. Nothing like requiring heels or make up or anything like that. She is being guided to dress more casually. That’s all. She’s not being disciplined. She is not being sacked. And asking a member of staff to dress a bit more casually (or smartly, for that matter) isn’t discriminatory or outrageous in any way.

flowery · 28/08/2019 19:57

”I think scruffy dressing implies that I don’t think you’re worth the effort.”

Why would you go from smart dresses and (low) heels to scruffy though? Just take it down a notch or two! No need to whip out the flip flops and ripped jeans.

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 20:01

@genderfree Of course it is the same. You dress appropriately for work and the image of the workplace. Appropriately does not always mean that smart is best.

Genderfree · 28/08/2019 20:04

Perhaps flowery the op should copy some of her colleagues who wear dresses so short they can see the top of their tights.

I think targeting someone who dresses smartly whilst others are flashing the most upper part of their thighs could be an employment law issue.

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 20:05

@appletina You are attaching a lot of emotion towards the way you dress. Can you not see that others might also attach emotion towards the way you dress but that it might be different emotions?

ForalltheSaints · 28/08/2019 20:05

I understand why you do not want to say whom you work for, but if you were, I would be making my views known to the company. This country's clothing retailing on the whole and the scruffy look of too many people is a national shame.

Just because some tech companies don't value smartness does not mean other should not.

Genderfree · 28/08/2019 20:06

I haven’t worked anywhere were dressing scruffily was the dress code. You’re grasping at straws ( obviously you wouldn’t be a stable hand wearing a Hobbs dress but I’m sure you know what I mean).

NurseButtercup · 28/08/2019 20:08

Interesting thread....
I used to work with a large team of social workers and one of the assistant social workers was a lady in her late 50's. She had a beautiful work wardrobe clothes from Jaeger, Hobbs and Joseph. However, on days when she went to visit clients in their homes she dressed down in non designer wear.

Is this something that you could consider?
Mixing up your wardrobe and dressing down on the days you have clients? Dressing up on other days?

flowery · 28/08/2019 20:10

”Perhaps flowery the op should copy some of her colleagues who wear dresses so short they can see the top of their tights.”

Why? What an odd comment.

”I think targeting someone who dresses smartly whilst others are flashing the most upper part of their thighs could be an employment law issue.”

Which piece of legislation or case law do you feel the OP’s employer might be in breach of? I’m intrigued.

Also, how do you know the OP’s colleagues haven’t been “targeted”?

BangingOn · 28/08/2019 20:13

I think that dress codes are harder for women in the workplace. Broadly speaking, outside of a uniform, men tend to be completely casual, trousers and shirt with no tie or trousers and shirt with a tie. For women, there are many more shades between that and it can be harder to interpret.

NurseButtercup · 28/08/2019 20:13

@appletina You are attaching a lot of emotion towards the way you dress. Can you not see that others might also attach emotion towards the way you dress but that it might be different emotions?

But how OP chooses to dress reflects her identity and self image, of course she is going to attach emotion towards the way she dresses.

I have to wear a uniform my current role, but in my previous career I enjoyed dressing nicely for work. I completely understand why OP is reluctant to change her clothes.

LolaSmiles · 28/08/2019 20:14

The posts about being taken seriously do resonate - not just in wanting the public and other professionals to feel reassured that I know my stuff but also to project a sense of respect towards those with whom I work. I think scruffy dressing implies that I don’t think you’re worth the effort.
It seems to me like you're viewing your work attire based on how you perceive clothing but aren't seeming to consider that other people will also have perceptions of clothing.
The fact that you view being told to dress more casually as being synonymous with scruffy is an attitude thing that suggests you might be closed off to people offering guidance based on service users and the general sector norms.

LaurieMarlow · 28/08/2019 20:15

But how OP chooses to dress reflects her identity and self image, of course she is going to attach emotion towards the way she dresses

But if she is doing her job less well as a result of how she dresses, she’ll need to get over that.

MrsTWH · 28/08/2019 20:17

YANBU to dress however you like and I’m sure you look lovely.

However, if you’ve been told by your boss that you need to dress more casually then I would take that on board. If it’s just colleagues then crack on!

Soreo · 28/08/2019 20:19

Oh for godsake. I scrolled through thirteen bloody pages and you still refuse to say what you do or who told you that you dress too smart.

YABU to antagonise us over details that would actually enable people to answer your question. I completely fail to see how it could be outing.

Sorry OP but if you're this annoying in real life you are probably being unreasonable over your work wear some way or another!

Cryalot2 · 28/08/2019 20:22

I feel sorry for you. Its a new one for me.
At the moment I am not working and all my life have dressed smartly, I think it is part of who we are. My late gran always looked immaculate regardless and other gran the opposite.
Possibly we live in a casual society .
Dress how you like, its part of you and as long as you are not showing lots of bare flesh I don't see the problem.

Ponoka7 · 28/08/2019 20:24

OP it doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks.

If this has been said to you during a performance review, or similar, then take it on board.

Genderfree · 28/08/2019 20:28

Flowery bullying at work can be a employment law issue.

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