I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

Never lower yourself to other people's standards.

@IrmaFayLear You are referring to me? No I am not "mealy mouthed". I never judge what other women are wearing. But of course if you are in a role where you are expecting people to confide in you, then your dress matters.
And that is very different being down with the kiddzz. Either this is just a randomly thrown insult, or you don't actually understand the points being made.

I think if you are a social worker or health visitor, families prefer someone who looks less official coming to their hone as people often make judgements based on looks. I work in the community and wear causal clothes and take off my lanyard on home visits as my clients much prefer it.
I once worked with s lovely lady who seemed great at her job but she dressed in dresses, boots etc and had a very well spoken accent. Oddly, the families didn’t like her and said she was stuck up. She really wasn’t so I can only gather they got this from her attire? Really wrong but clothing can be a real barrier to engagement- if you don’t look like you would fit in with your clients it can be very difficult for them to be open and honest. It’s a big thing tbh

Unless we know what the OP does, this is pretty goady, isn’t it?

I would agree that a HV coming to my house in a Hobbs dress and Louboutins would make me feel a bit like crap when I was lying there in my Primary giant knickers, my last shower being Wednesday. I think that’s basic empathy and common sense. Go to Next and buy a cardigan.

Primark

Not all dresses are alike, as not all cardigans.

If people don't realise this, then...

Never lower yourself to other people's standards.

Since when wearing casual clothes is lowering ourselves?

Lweji

Obviously not. But most people who encounter the public on a daily basis know what “ordinary” looks like. That’s how you make people feel comfortable, and in some jobs, that is the key to success or failure.

Lweji

Sorry, I thought that was to me but it was to the OP?

Totally depends on your job and if you won't say what it is then it's impossible to judge. Some roles I would say dressing too smartly would be off-putting and vice versa for other roles dressing too casually.

Without more information, I'd say if your boss is telling you this then you need to take it on board.

Oh ffs, we don’t know who made the comment.

Perhaps the OP can’t clarify because she’s at work intimidating people with her smart dress, cardy and flat shoes.

she dressed in dresses, boots etc and had a very well spoken accent.

That's me fucked, then. Guess I'll go and hand my notice in as obviously "engagement" can only be achieved by a bit of rolling round in some cow dung to relate to one's lowly clients. Strewth.

I once worked with s lovely lady who seemed great at her job but she dressed in dresses, boots etc and had a very well spoken accent. Oddly, the families didn’t like her and said she was stuck up. She really wasn’t so I can only gather they got this from her attire? Really wrong but clothing can be a real barrier to engagement- if you don’t look like you would fit in with your clients it can be very difficult for them to be open and honest. It’s a big thing tbh

I think the 'well spoken accent" was probably the real barrier. Obviously there is nothing wrong with any accent, well spoken or not, but some people do judge others on how they speak.

I think unless OP is willing to answer some basic questions, such as who made this comment. We’re ultimately all going round in circles.

I suspect the combination of accent and how she was dressed.

260 posts in and still no idea what the job is! It can't be that outing @Appletina surely? People can't really advise otherwise.

My DH used to be a manager in a residential mental healthcare setting. He wore chinos and shirts or polo shirts as he wanted to be smart but still approachable. The non managment staff dressed in jeans etc as they accompanied the residents into the community.

Well that's 10 mins of my life I'll never get back

I am beginning to find it a bit amusing that so many people are outraged that dressing a certain way might be a barrier to them doing their job effectively.
I mean this is employment 101.

Wear what you please! More likely a certain person is jealous or intimidated

I work with vulnerable clients too (mostly in the 18-21 age bracket) and generally wear things like tapered cotton trousers, sometimes dark, sometimes coloured with a plain top and coordinating cardie.

I’ve just been told my dress is too informal and should aim for business smart. I’ve raised it with the union as it’s a load of rubbish. I adhere with the dress code and am not building barriers with my clients.

You can’t win!

@brighteyeowl17 Yes intimidated. That is the whole point of this thread. If you are providing a service perhaps where people confide in you, intimidating people will not help you do your job well.

I think the 'well spoken accent" was probably the real barrier. Obviously there is nothing wrong with any accent, well spoken or not, but some people do judge others on how they speak.

I agree and equally some people do judge on how others are dressed.

OP you can be dressed according to your work policy but still get it wrong. When I need to give evidence in court I will always deliberately wear expensive clothes as well as being smartly dressed because I was advised by a barrister that this can be more intimidating than being smartly dressed in high street clothes. True or not, I don’t know but it definitely makes me feel a certain way about myself that I don’t when I am just in my usual smart casual attire at work, and this certainly comes across.

There's nothing nuanced about the phrase 'basic bitch'. It's a sexist phrase used to belittle women who shock horror all like to dress the same way. The context I always see and hear the phrase in is women calling themselves a basic bitch, not using it against others.

Plus, you very directly told me to 'sod off'. Right, so you bring that up now. That wasn’t your original argument re belittling.
Do you think I've been rude at any point on this thread
I don’t much care either way.

So, we don’t know what the job is and we don’t know the status of the person making the comment, but it has been decided that the OP works with vulnerable members of the general public who are intimidated by a smart dress, cardigan and flat shoes and her superior has told her so.

Ok then.

Who has assumed OP is working with vulnerable members of the public?