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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

734 replies

Appletina · 28/08/2019 13:05

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
TonTonMacoute · 28/08/2019 17:14

Struggling to think of who would feel intimidated by a woman wearing a dress and a cardigan. Perhaps it should be the new police uniform!

ownerofdlurcher · 28/08/2019 17:21

I run my own business.
My clients wear casual clothes, as do I.
They, and I, would not feel comfortable with someone in clothes the OP describes- it just wouldn't fit.
Also, I agree that the OP could give us a job title to help- someone suggested that she is a health vistor?
Tbh, if my health visitor had turned up in the OP's workwear I would have felt as though she was trying to intimidate/judge me (to me in sloppy clothes with baby sick on the shoulder, a Hobbs blouse would seem intimidating).

Lweji · 28/08/2019 17:22

It does depend on the dress. Looking at the Hobbs website, I can pick up dresses that are more or less casual. I'm going to guess the OP goes for the more classic tailored dresses.
Cardigans can also give out a very old fashioned or prissy vibe.

If, say, the OP is working with teenagers, I don't think they'd feel very at ease or find her easily approachable.

YoTheGinPussyOfStMawesOnThigh · 28/08/2019 17:22

I dress very casually. Used to work for a National Charity where staff used to wear whatever they wanted. I applied for a promotion and was turned down because I ‘Did not dress for success’. I was told this by the head of HR, She had shoulder length dirty blonde dreadlocks and was wearing ripped jeans. I was not impressed. My usual clothes for work were semi smart trousers and a t-shirt so admittedly very casual.

You OP are dressing for success, carry on doing so and fuck everyone else.

StoneofDestiny · 28/08/2019 17:25

Struggling to think of who would feel intimidated by a woman wearing a dress and a cardigan. Perhaps it should be the new police uniform!

👍👍👍👍

TheUltimateGoober · 28/08/2019 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 28/08/2019 17:25

A further note. Is it possible that the people above you have noticed you're the person usually approached as if being at their level or above and don't like it?

Dressing for the job you want should mean dress like your superiors, not better than them.

Lweji · 28/08/2019 17:27

You also need to conduct a survey with the public.

Do you find me intimidating? Yes or No.

In fact, use the acronym "AIBI".

Willow2017 · 28/08/2019 17:29

I, would not feel comfortable with someone in clothes the OP describes- it just wouldn't fit.

You would feel uncomfortable if a new client wore a dress and cardi? Do you have a dress code for your clients?

I haven't work a dress during the day for donkeys years but the sight of someone wearing one doesn't make me uncomfortable/tremble in fear and intimidation!

Wtf is wrong with a woman wearing a dress?

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 17:30

Nice to know that some thing it is laughable that someone might be intimidated by someone in a smart dress.
As I said I would have been when going to a children's centre. Because I was at a low ebb and felt a like I looked a total mess.

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 17:31

@Willow2017 have a bit of fucking empathy. This is not about a dress, but about a smart dress. I don't believe for a moment that the OP is wearing a very casual dress. Sneer if you like, but try and understand how others might feel.

Genderfree · 28/08/2019 17:32

Some of these comments are hilarious. We now have someone saying a Hobbs blouse can be intimidating and another saying cardigans can be prissy and old fashioned. Unbelievable.

Sarcelle · 28/08/2019 17:33

If you don't feel you are intimidating I would just carry on and wear what you want to. Dumbing down to suit others agendas is fucking exhausting. And if you do that for them it will then be something else. Tell them to smarten up, the slovenly gits.

MmmBlowholes · 28/08/2019 17:38

WHAT IS YOUR JOB

LenoVintura · 28/08/2019 17:38

It's interesting how much negative emotion there is in this thread. Something is pushing a lot of people's buttons.

Lweji · 28/08/2019 17:38

I'm interested, how is dressing more casually dumbing down?

What has dress got to do with intelligence or knowledge?

ownerofdlurcher · 28/08/2019 17:41

No Willow, no dress code for clients you'll be pleased to hear.
I just want my business to succeed, and I try to mirror what my clients generally wear as that seems more appropriate to me.
I would tell an employee to do likewise.

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 17:42

Its not dumbing down.

Nearly every business and service has a dress code. Most people won't care how employees are dressed as long as they are clean. Dress codes are for the members of the public who do care. And dress codes will vary depending on your job and sector.

I think there are a lot of very emotionally unintelligent people on this thread.

Genderfree · 28/08/2019 17:44

Jennymanara the OP has made it clear that her job doesn’t involve working with vulnerable people but all types of people.

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 17:46

@genderfree Yes I know. But it still depends on the service.

Madein1995 · 28/08/2019 17:47

This really depends on.tje role. I recently started work in probation with no clue what to wear. I went in wearing trousers, blazer and blouse and stuck out like a sore thumb. My team all wear jeans and quite casual stuff including trainers but never hoodies. Our manager does wear a shirt and trousers , mind. One lady I work with dresses very smart and looks polished, in the same clothes I think you wear? She's usually a black skirt, blouse and heels or dress and heels person. She's a fab facilitator and it's her style and no one says anything. If she wore skirt suits i.ipmagine someone might!

I don't like wearing jeans (not the comfiest) and it feels too casual. I'm more of a tunic dress, leggings and boots person. I. do like a cardi although they're the.longer, relaxed style. It's all about'us and them'. My smart colleague works more with victims with less emphasis on groups, whereas most of us are the opposite.

If we were to go Im all trussed up straight away were the professional. Most of our guys don't like professionals, and by the mere fact someone is wearing a tie the blinkers can come on, , they're viewing you as other, what could you say that's relevant to them? and they switch off
We don't wear trackies obviously as we are professionals, but it's about being approachable and that we are just like them. Even the officers don't wear ties

Lizzie840 · 28/08/2019 17:48

I'm more interested to know what the job is! My guess is a health visitor.

Alwayscheerful · 28/08/2019 17:54

Michelle Obama wore a dress and cardigan to meet the queen she managed to look relaxed and approachable.

Are you leaning more towards a beautifully tailored structured shift dress, leather court shoes and a cashmere cardigan
Or an unstructured casual cotton dress from fat face with a cotton blend cardigan and sandles.
Similar outfits but very different impressions.
I think structured clothing can look mire formal and we are often advised to wear better quality tailored fabrics as we get older.
Colours can be considered intimidating, red is very bold and navy might be thought more conservative. Some interesting comments.

jennymanara · 28/08/2019 17:54

OP if you are a Health Visitor you know that although it is a universal service, the focus is on vulnerable people. That is why the role still exists.

IrmaFayLear · 28/08/2019 17:55

Some people on this thread seem to take the OP's style quite personally and have been making comments accordingly.

I find it odd that a dress and cardigan can be "intimidating". A full Margaret Thatcher outfit complete with handbag - maybe. But a dress and cardigan (and who knows where they're from exactly? M&S ones can look similar to Hobbs/Reiss) is hardly exceptionally over-dressed. I really can't bear this "down wid de kidz" attitude of "relating" to people. And in fact you'll find "de kidz" despise it most of all. (And I work with some of the most deprived kids in the country, fwiw.)

I can't help feeling that OP's critic has an agenda; judging by some of the responses on this thread I can imagine some posters being mealy mouthed about a colleague's smarter workwear.