To just curl up in a ball and sob?

[AngeloMysterioso]

My husband and I have been trying to move out of our hellhole flat for the the last year. It’s small, it gets incredibly hot, and we have to deal with the smell of cigarette and weed smoke coming in whenever we open our windows.

We found a buyer in October, and made an offer on a flat which was accepted in February. (Ours is a shared ownership flat so the beginning process of selling was always going to be a bit slow) This was also the same time that I found out I was pregnant. The new flat is in a totally different area to where we live now so I have been travelling back and forth to the hospital I thought I would be delivering in for all my antenatal appointments. This hospital is widely considered to have the best maternity unit in the UK, which I was hugely relieved about as I have been extremely anxious about giving birth.

Since then, it’s been one setback after another. Our buyer’s solicitor caused delay after delay. Our vendor wanted more money as he was required to extend the leasehold, so we agreed to meet 3/4 of that cost, adding an extra £7k to the sale price. Then our vendor held back on requesting a management information pack from the building freeholders for about a month because he wanted us to pay for it. We thought we were finally in a position to exchange on the 16th of this month, when our buyer’s solicitors suddenly changed the figure of the deposit that would be going directly to our vendor. We were told this would be sorted last Monday. Then on Monday they said that actually they needed a letter from our buyer’s lender, and they’d get it back on Tuesday. On Tuesday the lender was waiting to hear from the valuer, which should be by Wednesday. Then on Wednesday they said it needed to be signed off by an underwriter, and we would be ready to exchange on Friday. All this gave us the suspicion that until last week our buyer didn’t actually have a mortgage in place.

Finally on Friday we had everything we needed from our buyer and were ready to exchange. At this point the vendor says he is going to pull out. Our estate agent told us he suspected that the vendor has had another agent in his ear telling him he can get more money for the flat if he rents it for a few months then puts it back on the market. DH made an offer to cover the vendor’s legal costs (around £2k) as a gesture of goodwill to get the sale done, which our estate agent implied that the vendor had been amenable to, but either way it was too late to exchange that day.

So- today. After several hours of chasing the estate agent finally got hold of the vendor about an hour ago. He has rejected our offer and wants more money. So DH has had to pull out.

So now, instead of moving into a new home and getting ready to start our family, we are moving in with my parents in law. Instead of giving birth at an excellent hospital, I am likely to be delivering in the hospital local to where we are now, the maternity unit of which I am reliably informed is absolute hell on Earth. Instead of being able to relax and get ready for our baby, we are going to be living under someone else’s roof, desperately trying to find somewhere to live in the just under two months between now and my due date.

My poor DH seems utterly broken. After so many months of stress and worry, it’s come to this. Instead of being able to enjoy the last few months of it just being the two of us, he’s been completely distracted trying to get us a home, and it’s all come to nothing, and he feels he’s let us down. All I can do is support and reassure him, but privately, all I want to do is cry.

DH has promised to look at renting if we don’t find somewhere else to buy quickly or if living at PILs gets too much for me.

That’s good of him. 🙄

You’re supposed to be an equal partnership, aren’t you? Looking at renting after you’ve already moved in with the ILs is going to get brushed aside as “too much upheaval”. You need to be looking at rental places right now.

I gave birth recently to DD and had to move into our PIL's the next day, due to a problem with our house which meant we couldn't live there for a few weeks.

I also lived with PIL with DS when he was seven months old for five months due to us selling our property and having our purchase fall through.

Both times I was nervous, but the help I got (particularly with the newborn) was invaluable - and the offers of tea was endless!

I was lucky enough to have a Children's Centre near me which meant I could be out of the house a lot. Not that I was ever made to feel unwelcome.

I know its not the ideal situation, but a much better property will come along!

IHateUncleJamie we complete the sale of our flat tomorrow and have to move out on Saturday, with the best will in the world we’re not going to find somewhere to rent before then.

BlueLadybird it’s not great to be honest. A lot of tiny two up, two downs you can’t swing a cat in or flat with no outside space. The place we were buying was ideal for us, and I’d already started imagining us having our family there, how I’d decorate the nursery etc. I’m heartbroken.

Even Airbnb sounds better as a v short term option.

Listen, I mean this kindly.
You are not heartbroken, you are disappointed, and have a right to be.
But a lot of posters have given you good advice and encouraging words.
You really need to get some perspective here.
If this is the worse thing that will ever happen you will have had a very lucky life.
People have described how they have lost their partners (as have I) and dealt with pregnancy etc and they have got through it.
You will get through this and in a couple of years time will wonder what you were so upset about.
I get that it is disappointing but you really need to get to grips and start planning what you are going to do.
Me, I would probably stay with the in-laws. As a pil myself I wouldn't give a shit if my dil walked around in her towel or shorts - she is my family and my home is her home whilst she stays here. And I know my mil would feel the same.
And as for your husband staying at the hospital with you, with most births you will be in and out before you know it and I think it would be unusual that there was't a day-bed for him to sleep on. Not as swanky as the hospital you describe but the most important outcome is a healthy baby and mum. Fur coat and all that.

It’s normal to have a very emotional reaction to losing a house that you thought was yours. Don’t beat yourself up about the reaction.

But it will pass, you will find something just as good if not better, soon this will be a distant memory.

You need to focus on the immediate future. Why don’t you move into PIL until you find somewhere to rent?

You are not heartbroken, you are disappointed

I appreciate your response, but I don’t think it’s really up to other people to decide for me how I’m feeling.

I can understand you feel heartbroken.

Do you know how much more £ the vendor wants? If prices in the area have genuinely risen could you look at whether you can afford more? It is a shitty thing to do and I know you won’t want to give him anything more. But if you’ll have to pay more anyway and this way you would be in before the baby, is it a possibility?

The agent might be worth a chat to as they will want the sale to go through now rather than risk it going to another agent later.

BlueLadybird we don’t know exactly how much more he wants, only that an extra £2k isn’t enough. At most we could maybe offer an extra £1k but I suspect that wouldn’t change anything, he’s just out for as much as he can get. He refused to pay for an electric survey and boiler inspection on the property, and delayed the process by over a month when he wanted us to pay for the mgmt info pack, and now he wants compensation for how long all this has taken, even though he caused some of the delays himself!

Looking at the history of the property online, he bought it for £119,500 in 2008, put it up for sale for £250k in July 2015, then again for £299,950 in July last year, then again for £260k in October last year, which was then reduced back to £250k in December which was the sale price we agreed in February (so clearly he’s been trying to sell it for bloody ages).

The sale price was then increased to £257k in light of the leasehold extension, so with the extra we offered he’d have got £259k.

@AngeloMysterioso, forget the one that got away, it wasn’t for you and why would you want to do business with that untrustworthy vendor, anyway? That ship’s sailed.

In your shoes, I’d be looking for a nice, comfortable rental flat near the hospital of your choice. Settle in, have your baby in your own space and in privacy, look around and find somewhere you want to buy, hopefully from a nice co-operative vendor. It feels awful now but as pp have said, you may actually find it’s for the best.

I wouldn’t pursue it any further. He sounds like a total arsehole, I imagine there would be no end to his demands.

In your shoes, I’d be looking for a nice, comfortable rental flat near the hospital of your choice. Settle in, have your baby in your own space and in privacy, look around and find somewhere you want to buy, hopefully from a nice co-operative vendor. It feels awful now but as pp have said, you may actually find it’s for the best.

Having read your update, this is what I would advise too. It will give you the time and space to find a place to buy that you love.

We won’t be pursuing it any further, DH has already cancelled the mortgage. It’s just so infuriating that this happened the day we were finally ready to exchange, when I’d started planning how lovely I was going make the place, how I’d decorate the nursery, the plants I would put in the garden. I’m supposed to be packing the flat up and even now I still can’t stop crying. Going to put a certain amount of that down to pregnancy hormones though!

It's done, let it go. You didn't give in to a greedy bully. Focus on your baby and making your husband be more supportive of you, ie value you before money.

Guess you didn't read my post @AngeloMysterioso . Best of luck anyway

Any possibility you can still complete on yours and rent in the desired location? Not ideal but it's an option to grt you nearer your desired location and out of your PIL. Being around your PIL in the last stages of pregnancy and bringing your new born home there is less than ideal. Hope you can sort something out. As long as you're not totally skint, I'd suggest you put your short term happiness and mental wellbeing way way above any financial decisions, such as "renting is a waste of money", it is, but not as bad as living with PIL.

Yes yes- agree with the previous poster about getting a furnished rental flat near your hospital of choice.
The other property was not meant to be yours and having to pay that £2k to the vendor was always going to leave a bitter aftertaste...
You are in a strong position as buyers now.
Deep breath- relax and know that the best is yet to come.
Similar happened to us - we rented and now have our dream home!
Good luck with everything xxx

I was once advised that you can give birth at any hospital - turn up to the one you want to give birth in when labour starts with your notes. I doubt very much that you would be turned away.

There are years to buy a house/ new flat. This is your ONLY time to have your first baby.

You’ll be on a roller coaster of hormones and emotions and don’t underestimate what a lack of sleep can do to - and your DH. The last thing you want is to do this in someone else’s house. Especially with the wig thing - you’ll have days where you won’t get out of your pyjamas let alone need to be presentable for the in laws.

It might set you back a year or two in savings, buying a house etc but your mental health is way more important. IMO you need to stress this to your DH. Rent that one bedroom flat and look for another place once things have settled down with your LO. Good luck OP and congrats on the baby!

We moved last year. We got a buyer for our flat very easily but we has 3 house purchases fall through. I was so angry, especially at money lost on surveys etc.

Shortly after that, we found another house and everything went through. The last house that we lost - I'm so happy that we did as this one is much better. I really hope the same happens for you.

Buying and selling leasehold flats is such a pain as it adds so much more complications.

Good luck

We rented a holiday let, so that we didn’t have to commit to a 6 month lease. It was also a lot quicker to move in, as there were no references etc like with renting. We moved in just at the end of school holidays (so not far off from the situation you’re in) when the prices had dropped a lot. It was furnished, and very comfortable, and we decided we could move between that and parents/in laws so that we never stayed with family for too long. As it turned out, we never stayed with family, as we appreciated the space and privacy of the holiday let.

It isn’t ideal to pay for accommodation when you’re in a position to buy, but sometimes needs must. In the greater scheme of things, it’s worth it IMO.

This wasn’t with a baby, just DP and I. But with a baby, it would make even more sense!

The lease thing is odd. It sounds like you're well out of it to be honest. Was the lease due to be extended on completion?

@Grobagsforever I did read it, and whilst I do appreciate that there are millions of people the world over in a far worse situation than mine, it really doesn’t make me feel any better.

@justbeingadad we complete the sale of our flat today, moving in with PILs tomorrow.

@costacoffeecup I think the vendor was paying for the lease extension which is about £10k, of which we agreed to add £7k to our purchase price. DH was less bothered about that as it would have gone back into the value of the property.

I think DH is holding off on doing the renting thing because he is hoping we can find somewhere to buy quickly and doesn’t want to be tied into a rental contract for 6 months. He has said that if living with PILs gets too much for me he’ll reconsider.

@AngeloMysterioso, I really don’t understand why this is all being decided by your husband. Why don’t you get any say in this? In our house the conversation would go “I don’t want to live with your parents. I want our own home”, the reply would be “OK, we’ll go and check out some rentals”.