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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just curl up in a ball and sob?

175 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 27/08/2019 15:28

My husband and I have been trying to move out of our hellhole flat for the the last year. It’s small, it gets incredibly hot, and we have to deal with the smell of cigarette and weed smoke coming in whenever we open our windows.

We found a buyer in October, and made an offer on a flat which was accepted in February. (Ours is a shared ownership flat so the beginning process of selling was always going to be a bit slow) This was also the same time that I found out I was pregnant. The new flat is in a totally different area to where we live now so I have been travelling back and forth to the hospital I thought I would be delivering in for all my antenatal appointments. This hospital is widely considered to have the best maternity unit in the UK, which I was hugely relieved about as I have been extremely anxious about giving birth.

Since then, it’s been one setback after another. Our buyer’s solicitor caused delay after delay. Our vendor wanted more money as he was required to extend the leasehold, so we agreed to meet 3/4 of that cost, adding an extra £7k to the sale price. Then our vendor held back on requesting a management information pack from the building freeholders for about a month because he wanted us to pay for it. We thought we were finally in a position to exchange on the 16th of this month, when our buyer’s solicitors suddenly changed the figure of the deposit that would be going directly to our vendor. We were told this would be sorted last Monday. Then on Monday they said that actually they needed a letter from our buyer’s lender, and they’d get it back on Tuesday. On Tuesday the lender was waiting to hear from the valuer, which should be by Wednesday. Then on Wednesday they said it needed to be signed off by an underwriter, and we would be ready to exchange on Friday. All this gave us the suspicion that until last week our buyer didn’t actually have a mortgage in place.

Finally on Friday we had everything we needed from our buyer and were ready to exchange. At this point the vendor says he is going to pull out. Our estate agent told us he suspected that the vendor has had another agent in his ear telling him he can get more money for the flat if he rents it for a few months then puts it back on the market. DH made an offer to cover the vendor’s legal costs (around £2k) as a gesture of goodwill to get the sale done, which our estate agent implied that the vendor had been amenable to, but either way it was too late to exchange that day.

So- today. After several hours of chasing the estate agent finally got hold of the vendor about an hour ago. He has rejected our offer and wants more money. So DH has had to pull out.

So now, instead of moving into a new home and getting ready to start our family, we are moving in with my parents in law. Instead of giving birth at an excellent hospital, I am likely to be delivering in the hospital local to where we are now, the maternity unit of which I am reliably informed is absolute hell on Earth. Instead of being able to relax and get ready for our baby, we are going to be living under someone else’s roof, desperately trying to find somewhere to live in the just under two months between now and my due date.

My poor DH seems utterly broken. After so many months of stress and worry, it’s come to this. Instead of being able to enjoy the last few months of it just being the two of us, he’s been completely distracted trying to get us a home, and it’s all come to nothing, and he feels he’s let us down. All I can do is support and reassure him, but privately, all I want to do is cry.

OP posts:
burntpinky · 27/08/2019 18:01

Just sending hugs.

PooWillyBumBum · 27/08/2019 18:05

Sounds awful.

I hope that PIL are nice and wait on you hand and foot and impending brexit crashes housing market so you can get something even better (and vendor gets less than you agreed!)

You poor things.

Sewbean · 27/08/2019 18:09

Sob today, come up with a plan tomorrow.

Buying and selling houses is ridiculously stressful.

Silvercatowner · 27/08/2019 18:11

Curling up in a ball and sobbing seems entirely appropriate as a short term response. This too will pass. Flowers

walkintheparc · 27/08/2019 18:11

Sob today, come up with a plan tomorrow.

This ^

Allow all that stress and upset of the last few months to come out today... just do nothing, have something you love for dinner and just veg out with your DH.

Then tomorrow, or the day after, start proactively looking at something to buy.

People have had babies under their PILs roof before, people have moved house 3 days post-partum before. It's do-able, it's not the end of the world. Be positive!

sophe · 27/08/2019 18:17

Be very, very grateful you have somewhere to live. I mean that. Far worse things happen than this. You have sold your own flat and that is a godsend in this market. The real worry is the hospital. No one can promise you a birth will go OK and it can go right in a bad place and wrong in a good place, just take as much care of yourself as you can and make sure you have a good birthing partner with you.

Stay strong, sister. You husband needs you take a lead here, as he is being crushed by the weight of your disappointment and the responsibility he feels for you and your unborn child. Chin up. Seriously, once you have found your dream home you will look on this and pat yourselves on the back for the favour that vendor did you by pulling out.

HyacynthBucket · 27/08/2019 18:17

This is awful for you and DH. Only a thought - but the original hospital sounds great - could you do a short rental near there, or even a hotel if you know it won't be for long - and stay there as you go into hospital, and maybe a night or two afterwards, before going to in-laws? You would have a break from the stress, and a chance to bond with the baby, just the two of you for a short while. Good luck with the house - something good will come along.

timshelthechoice · 27/08/2019 18:17

So you rent a 1-bed flat near the hospital then and ask your ILs to keep your stuff for you. You don't need more than 1 bed with a newborn. And find another flat to buy.

Ellie56 · 27/08/2019 18:21

There is a much better house out there for you OP.

And I hope the vendor comes to bitterly regret pulling out of your sale, when nobody else will fund his lease extension. As PP said I think you might have dodged a bullet there.

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 27/08/2019 18:27

It's shit, yes, but the really awful bit - getting your own flat sold despite it sounding like there were some problems with it - is done. A lot of people are struggling to shift properties at the moment even when there's nothing wrong with the place.

When you do find somewhere else to buy, you might find your offer more likely to be accepted because you're not in a chain and you're good to go straight away.

As pp have said, what about a short term rental in the area where you wanted to be so you can use the hospital you planned to and look for other properties in the meantime?

justasking111 · 27/08/2019 18:37

We had sold but not found a house but rented. A few weeks later our agent phoned and said I have found you a house going to photograph it today do you want to come over. Eureka it was perfect for us. The rent money was a bit annoying but we were not in a chain so everything went like clockwork.

Derbee · 27/08/2019 18:37

Everything happens for a reason. We have lost out on a couple of houses, only to end up with a nicer house in the end. You’ll be in a great position to buy with cash in the bank, having sold your flat. Selling the flat, and being out of there so the main thing!

Feel disappointed, cry, and then get over it. The vendor may well change his mind tomorrow - people are arseholes, so be prepared for that.

I’m sure living with your PIL won’t be as bad as you think, but once the baby is here, it’s always an option to rent a short term holiday let, air bnb etc. If you really want private space.

Good luck. You’ll look back on this time and have it as a frustrating story.

Walkingthedog46 · 27/08/2019 18:41

It is high time something was done to make all these buying/selling shenanigans unlawful. I understand the Scottish system is much more straight forward.

katycb · 27/08/2019 18:43

You are not being unreasonable at all. Earlier this year, after selling our house we were days from exchange when the vendors we were buying from pulled out after we had spent loads on surveys and legal fees. We ended up in an Airbnb above a restruant with our 5 year old twins and all our stuff in storage which wasn't ideal, while we were there we had a family bereavement and it was all very stressful. However on the long run we did find a better house, we moved in in July and it all went very smoothly. It will be ok in the long run hugs xxx

justasking111 · 27/08/2019 18:44

We had tried to buy a house which was owned by a brother and sister after parents died. Was a nightmare brother was rich did not want to sell, sister not rich and did. He blocked the sale just as we were about to exchange. The estate agent sacked him off as did every agent in the area when word got round. It ended up going to court. The brother phoned me and said do I still want the house. Nope!! not after all that heartbreak.

SocksRock · 27/08/2019 18:45

Almost this exact scenario happened to me. We ended up with my in-laws for 4 months, during which time my son was born. We ended up with a house a million times better than the one we lost and I thank my lucky stars everyday that things worked out how they did.

ShirleyPhallus · 27/08/2019 18:46

What an absolute turd the vendor is

However, I’d use this to my advantage and get on the early rental books of local agents and just move to the area I want and have the baby there

That way, you’ll be able to live in the area for a while and might actually change your mind on the place you wanted to buy - you might find its not in the best area or something

There are a lot of property ninjas on here, post your requirements and we can see if we can help?

Alsohuman · 27/08/2019 18:51

Rent that flat! Quick, before it goes!

AngeloMysterioso · 27/08/2019 18:57

DH doesn’t want to rent. As far as he’s concerned it makes more sense to stay with PILs and actually save money than chuck it away paying someone else’s mortgage. I can see where he’s coming from...

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 27/08/2019 18:57

Get the one bed! It'll sort you for the birth and you can keep looking.

Alsohuman · 27/08/2019 18:59

It’s six month, for goodness sake. Rent the flat, have your privacy and have your baby in the hospital you want. It’s a no brainer.

timshelthechoice · 27/08/2019 19:01

Then he can stay by himself with his parents if he's willing to compromise your comfort for this. It's six months!

Livelovebehappy · 27/08/2019 19:02

Buying and selling homes is an absolute nightmare. Between the estate agents, solicitors and having to deal with vendors/buyers, it’s hell. I wish the government would look into stronger regulations to make the process easier. Sadly what you’ve described is pretty much what a lot of people go through. Having just completed on my home, the initial excitement when starting what should be an enjoyable time has totally evaporated. I feel drained, stressed and empty. I will die in this house as no way will I go through the hell of the past few months again. Nothing to advise, but letting you know I feel your absolute helplessness and frustration.

amysaurus87 · 27/08/2019 19:14

Just to add, you can deliver where ever you want...I know people who have delivered in hospitals in london when they live much closer to other hospitals with maternity units.

FlamedToACrisp · 27/08/2019 19:16

Feeling your pain - I think almost every home-owner has similar experiences, but it doesn't help you. How about buying a property at auction, now you are cash buyers? You might get a bargain, and you'd complete within about a month.