To think we're deluding ourselves over childcare?

[aliteralAIBUforonce]

I have a child who goes to nursery one day a week. I am very lucky that I can go part time and family have the rest of the time.

He's been doing this since he was 11 months and I hate it. He doesn't dislike it but he doesn't look forward to it either. A couple of times o have dropped him off then had to duck back into the cloak room and I've seen him looking rather lost and alone at the breakfast table. Breaks my heart.

A few times when I've been out and about I've seen staff from nurseries taking groups of kids out. They never, ever engage with the kids. Just each other. Bloody joyless experience by the looks of it. Those are the better ones too.

AIBU to think that we're going to see an epidemic of adolescent mental health problems is the next few years?

This is a shit was to bring up our kids.

If you've got doubts about that nursery, try another one. They're all different.

Might be an idea to change nurseries. My daughter loves her nursery and often askes to go on days when i have her. Some children dont like nursery so your son might be one but change nurseries first to check its not just that nursery. X

It won’t be popular but I tend to agree with you. InstitutIonal care for long hours cannot be I need the best interest of most babies who need firm attachment.

My kids nursery is fantastic. They love it. I did shop around though and chose one that wasn’t the cheapest but was the best by far.

I agree with you Op, but understandably it isn’t a popular opinion and I don’t think it will go down well

Sounds like you picked up a shitty nursery..??

I don’t think it’s childcare per se that’s the issue, but the lack of attachment. It’s part of the reason we chose a Childminder’s instead of a nursery, as we wanted the DC to feel really close and secure with the (one) person looking after them. Especially since we don’t have any family around to provide childcare, our Childminder is like a bonus Aunty

I have a DS who is now 23. He went to Nursery full time at 16 weeks got a lot from it. He loved it & it did him a lot of good. He's very well balanced. So I think YABU. Why don't you look at a child minder or a different option? Many families don't have a choice.

Sounds like you’ve picked a bad nursery, mine loved theirs.

Totally agree. I've thought for a while that there must be a link between child mental health and institutional childcare from a young age.

Don’t think you can blame child care for mental health problems in teens or have you seen some research that backs that up?

If you don’t like the setting move them.

DD1 loves nursery, and yes I know the adults are less attentive than I would be but I think that has helped her develop peer relationships and independence skills that would have been harder to develop if she’d been home alone with me 24/7.

(And obviously I don’t think all nurseries are bad, we just preferred the idea of DC being in someone’s home)

You can't tar all nursery's with the same brush. You've had experience of one. I have used two nursery's and both excellent.

If you feel this way look for other childcare options.

My DS1 went to nursery full time and bloody loved it. His nursery was fantastic. He's a very happy social clever well adjusted 7 almost 8 yr old. Still friends with lots of the kids we met at nursery too which is lovely.

Maybe you should look for another one if yours is as bad as your think

Just sounds like you've picked a bad childcare option 🤷‍♀️. My daughters nursery is brilliant, I stand and watch her after I leave and she is so happy there.

My girls went to our university ELC.

It was fantastic. They loved it there, they loved the carers, and the carers loved them.

We didn't have any family in town, and they became our family, the aunties and uncles, and nannas. They encouraged me through my degree, advised me through the bumps and bends of parenting little ones, and kept us sane!

They loved their children, they were so child-focussed, so kind, so gentle, so patient and happy. They loved being there, it was a vocation, and a wonderful work environment.

I think they're a big part of why our girls have done so well academically from day one, and are a big part of their love of books, reading, and trying new things.

But I do realise that this was a very exceptional nursery.

This is the second Nursery he has been in. Ofsted rated outstanding.

My ds has been in nursery since 12 months, and comes home every time with new words, dance moves and new skills. Our nursery have a one way glass parents can watch through after drop off and I frequently see ds sitting in the lap of his key worker playing happily or surrounded by other kids and getting involved. They are fab with the kids who are upset at drop off, and keep me updated on an app with what he gets up to. Nursery has done him the world of good. It sounds to me like you aren't happy with the staff at your nursery and I wouldn't be either. But maybe it's worth looking for a different nursery before writing the system off completely?

Doing one day a week must be confusing for an 11 month old too. Not saying put him in more often but it may be part of the reason he doesn't settle as well.

AIBU to think that we're going to see an epidemic of adolescent mental health problems is the next few years?

Yes you are. That’s a pretty batshit over the top crazy thing to imagine based on your one nursery experience and because you saw a couple of nursery workers in town talking to each other and not the children (shock horror, how dare they!) for the 2 minutes you were watching.

Sorry misread. How old is he op?

So, you're unhappy with your nursery, but rather than pro-actively do something about your situation, you conclude that all nurseries are awful and it will cause mental health problems.

I'm not even sure what your mechanism is for the problems that "care worker doesn't engage with children much for the 6 hours a week they have them" is.

Choose a different nursery provision.

Not got any science, but I went to nursery full time from 6 months old and then childminders all through primary school, never had any mental health problems, was a sociable and confident teenager and have always been close to my parents.

Op
Yours won’t be a popular view because people all want expensive holidays ,expensive area housing ,the new I phone ,i pad ...
All this requires 2 salaries ,and for both parents to work ,people need nurseries.
People expect so much more now ,possession wise .it will only get worse