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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not buying a wedding gift

134 replies

RiskItBiscuit · 26/08/2019 14:05

This isn't about any particular situation but AIBU to only buy a couple getting married a card with something though out written inside and not buy a present as I can't afford it?

I'm going to a few weddings a year at the moment and I simply cannot afford to buy gifts.

OP posts:

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 26/08/2019 14:11

YABU to attend and not give a gift, even if it’s very small. If you can’t afford even a small gift then don’t attend.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 26/08/2019 14:12

I really wouldn't turn up empty handed. I would at least buy a nice bottle of fizz for them.

suckerforbrowneyes · 26/08/2019 14:14

YABU.

Don’t go if you can’t afford it. It looks incredibly mean and cheap to turn up empty handed.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/08/2019 14:14

You can't go with nothing. There must be something you can cut back on to cover the cost of some fizz. What's your budget for each wedding?

Pippa12 · 26/08/2019 14:15

I’m not sure I’d go with no gift at all personally, however, when it was my wedding I’d rather your presence than not over a gift. I think if I was you I’d perhaps have a quiet word with Bride/groom and let them know the situation. I’m sure they’d say no problem.

In places like the card factory, they offer have little gifts such as we wishing plaques, mugs, glasses etc for less than £5, might be worth purchasing something thoughtful like this without breaking the bank and saving face?

elvis86 · 26/08/2019 14:15

I kind of agree with Allgirlskidsanddogs. Attending a wedding is never free. If you can't stretch to a bottle of fizz as a token gift, then how are you going to fund your attendance at the wedding?

If it's a destination wedding where travel and overnight accommodation etc is essential, then I think brides and grooms should encourage guests not to buy gifts. It's certainly what we did (although many people wanted to buy gifts anyway, which was lovely).

plunkplunkfizz · 26/08/2019 14:16

You can’t even afford a single bottle of wine for them? Bad, bad form to turn up with nothing.

Redshoeblueshoe · 26/08/2019 14:17

I wanted people to come to my wedding. I didn't care if they gave us gifts or not.

Aebj · 26/08/2019 14:18

I would love to have a card with a personal message written inside. I wouldn’t be bothered about not having a gift. The fact you turn up would be fantastic. I didn’t get married for gifts. I got married to the person I love and wanted to share the moment with my friends and family

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2019 14:19

God I could never turn up empty handed.

Even just a small photo frame would be better than nothing.

Original poster

RiskItBiscuit · 26/08/2019 14:21

I hear what you're saying and yes I see you're right with a token gift. In all honesty I hadn't thought of tha. I was thinking more of gift list gifts or gift cards with 'large' sums of money on.

@Pippa12 I have always seen it more as a if I'm invited and going to a wedding the people know me well (as that's the majority of weddings I've been to) then they'd rather me hang out than not turn up because I can't afford a gift.

OP posts:

Sceptre86 · 26/08/2019 14:21

I agree with pp and would just buy a few bits from card factory, if you look in the sales section you can get a photo album and Mr and mrs mugs for£5 but it is all dependent in your budget. If I couldn't afford to give a gift I wouldn't go tbh.

flouncyfanny · 26/08/2019 14:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timshelthechoice · 26/08/2019 14:24

All this hand wringing about over consumption killing off the planet but you can't go to a wedding without a 'token gift' of crap. If they tell you 'your presence is our present' then take them at their word.

Also didn't get married for gifts or money and would rather have people there than tat they can't afford anyhow.

RezCowgirl · 26/08/2019 14:25

You shouldn't have to feel pressured to spend money you don't have, even for a 'token gift' they don't need or probably want just to save face when you turn up to their wedding.

Original poster

RiskItBiscuit · 26/08/2019 14:26

@floucyfanny
I remember reading an article about it costs a guest £X to attend a wedding each time they go. I can't remember the number (can anyone else?)

Whatever it was, counting the cost of clothes and travel and gifts and whatever else, it is so much money to be spending each time!

I do understand why people see it as something that shouldn't be done but so far so one has cut me out of their life!!

OP posts:

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 26/08/2019 14:26

I'd rather you come and join the celebration than turn up with a bit of tat from the card factory that, to be brutally honest, would end up being put at the back of a cupboard until sufficient time had elapsed before I could legitimately throw it out.

RezCowgirl · 26/08/2019 14:26

If the bride and groom look down on you for not bringing gifts they don't deserve friendship as far as I'm concerned.

A card and well wishes is enough if that is all you have to give.

elvis86 · 26/08/2019 14:26

Please don't buy naff plastic crap from card factory. It's not to everyone's taste and is likely to just end up in landfill.

If in doubt, buy something consumable that will be used one way or another (i.e. even if it's wine that they don't like, they can regift).

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2019 14:27

I have always seen it more as a if I'm invited and going to a wedding the people know me well (as that's the majority of weddings I've been to) then they'd rather me hang out than not turn up because I can't afford a gift.

Well only you know these people - we don't.

So really only you can decide how well (or not) your lack of gift will go down with the particular brides and grooms.

It wouldn't have bothered me at all but then again, I'm not one of the people you're talking about.

NameChange92 · 26/08/2019 14:27

I think it depends. A wedding down the road from where you live which costs you nothing to attend - yabu, unless they're particularly wealthy and they say they don't want gifts.

A wedding you have to travel to/ stay overnight (i.e. you've already spent more than you would on a gift/ they've spent to have you attend) I'd probably try and get just some small token if the bride and groom are a) not wealthy and b) having a wedding which is local to them/ their family. A destination wedding - i.e. requiring you to spend money on travel and accommodation just because they fancy it, yanbu.

PirateWeasel · 26/08/2019 14:30

Personally I would rather have my friends turn up with a nice card wearing jeans and t-shirts if that's all they could manage. You know the bride and groom well enough to be invited, so you'll know best what they will mind or not mind.

DexyMidnight · 26/08/2019 14:31

Please don’t waste money on cheap tat, get a bottle of non-branded champagne from Tesco, they usually cost about £18, and stick your card to it.

It’s not clear from your post if you’re intending to buy a new outfit - if so and you were planning on going empty handed your are being very unreasonable!

waterrat · 26/08/2019 14:33

I couldn't care less if people didn't bring a gift. I told people not to bother. However I thought it was nice that some people gave a bottle of wine or fizz etc. Honestly you don't need to do more than that.

RebeccaWrongDaily · 26/08/2019 14:34

please don't buy crap from card factory. It's a terrible waste of money / resources and nobody wants that kind of garbage.

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