Not buying a wedding gift

[RiskItBiscuit]

This isn't about any particular situation but AIBU to only buy a couple getting married a card with something though out written inside and not buy a present as I can't afford it?

I'm going to a few weddings a year at the moment and I simply cannot afford to buy gifts.

(preparing to be shot down here) go to nearest "posh town" (better quality/more expensive donations) check out charity shops - sometimes people donate brand new unwanted gifts (glasses etc) still packaged - ask staff to open to check its ok & box is intact.

Quite a few of our friends that attended our wedding did so on a budget. We didn't expect gifts.

A lovely thing one of them did though was buy us a lottery ticket and just wrote a note saying 'hopefully this will give you more than we ever could' which j thought was perfect.

@slashlover great minds etc :)

I think you should give them something but nothing that they can easily assign a cost to.

So, no vouchers (unless for a decent amount) or scratch cards. (also WTAF, as wedding presents?)

I'd go with something that I knew it was their taste for the house, that looks pretty and unusual (not novelty, but not mass market - something hand made or from a new artist), or drink/food related (wine, yes; M&S vouchers no).

ETS please don't buy 'mr and mrs' mugs and generic stuff like that, it inevitably ends up in landfill and I think it screams far less thought than a nicely written card.

love the idea of lottery card @T0rt0ise

Friends would prefer you attend than not, but I'd take a bottle of wine nicely wrapped and take some time over what you write in the card to them.

If they are friends then they will be quite happy with you attending minus a gift rather than you get into debt for them!

My son's godmother (my friend known since school days) didn't buy him a gift for his christening.
It wasn't ever mentioned by either of us.

@Rarfy - if I were you I’d spend the money on a gift rather than a new outfit. It’s fine to be seen in the same outfit twice. It’s way more embarrassing to be tight with the wedding gift.

@Snowflake9 - no, don’t give a scratch card as a wedding gift

You don't need to buy a gift, a thoughtful card is enough. They have asked you because they want you there, not so you can buy them a gift.

YABU but a thoughtful token gift is fine.

Definitely not a Card Factory fan. Don't buy any tat unless they're into that. Chocolate or fizz can be consumed or if it really isn't their thing, regifted.

You mentioned you had quite a lot of weddings this year- some of the supermarkets do a discount for 6 bottles.

Unless you know the couple are into such gifts, please do not heed PP advice and buy Card Factory wedding paraphernalia rather than turn up empty handed.

My take on it is that each unwanted gift is a burden as I need to find space for it, even temporarily, whereas a card with a heartfelt message is a keep sake with true meaning.

At my wedding I specifically stated we didn't expect presents, appreciated everyone attending and didn't expect anything more.
I sent thank you cards to everyone for attending and If they wanted to give a gift we appreciatively thanked them for that also.
Weddings shouldn't be about gifts, if you are good enough friends / family to be invited the b&g should understand if you can attend but can't also afford a present.

No present needed but I would probably mention things a bit tight if not already known (no shame) - so they know not just that you couldn’t be bothered.

If you want to give them something, I like the idea of offering to cook dinner if appropriate. Fizz/wine as PP mention better than tat. A friend got married (local wedding) and her cousin, broke at the time, gave her a ‘“Look after your house while on honeymoon” present: she watered plants, put bins out, mowed the lawn & did a 2 hour house clean. Friend said it was her favourite present.

My SIL & her partner didn’t give us a wedding present. We’re NC but I will NEVER forgive her for that. I think it’s just plain rude, ignorance.

I got married this month and lots just gave a card.. Some not even a card. Which I wasn't fussed in except my DB didn't get a card.. That kinda hurt as I do a lot for them but that's life I guess.

I wouldn't buy tat and I wouldn't turn up empty handed. Buy them a token bottle of wine on offer for £7 or so.

If you go into a sale at a dept store you might be surprised at how cheap you can find some beautiful wine glasses ( we got a set of 4 very high end reduced from €100 to €15!), a photo frame or candle sticks. I loved all of the presents I got from our wedding and use the ones that can be all the time!!

Can you not cut costs elsewhere to fund a gift? Re-wear or borrow an outfit? Travel with others to reduce costs? Sneak in your own booze (though not if it will get you or couple in trouble)? Stay at a travel lodge rather than the venue?

It’s not all about money but the couple will be paying a lot per head for guests to attend the wedding and showing up empty handed looks a little ungrateful.

Oh, god, those fucking 'Mr and Mrs' mugs, just don't.

Clangus I think it's rude and ignorant to expect gifts out of people who cannot afford it because you invited them to a party. Sounds like your SIL is better off without you in her life.

Yanbu we are getting married this year and I'd much rather you turn up as I'd love to just spend time with you. We've told our guests (those who've asked anyway) to please not worry about gifts and that we just want to spend time with them on our special day.

It's more than twice @ElleDubloo, I recycle for most dos as I barely go out but the only outfit I have has been exhausted now unfortunately.

Will give money it just won't be as much as I would like to give or see reasonable but as others have said I'm hoping our company is more important.

When I got married I didn’t get any gifts at all and I would have been appalled to think that guests would not have come because they couldn’t have afforded to buy a gift and didn’t want to come without one.