To ask for your cringey wedding stories?

[thedysontree]

Was at the wedding of my sister's best friend yesterday. The bride sang "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", as she was walking down the aisle. She's a lovely woman but christ she cannot sing (though I think it would have been cringe even if she was Adele). The husband didn't know she was going to sing and seemed very taken aback by her it.

There was also a wedding a few years ago where the couple had their 4 year old stand next to the vicar and try and read out their vows for them. Being 4, he struggled and everybody was waiting awkwardly while the vicar was trying to help him pronounce words.

So, am I being unreasonable to ask for your cringe wedding stories?

I have 2... the first when I was a bridesmaid and was friends with bride and groom as met them as a couple. They’d been together a long time and living together most of that. During the church service, the vicar went off on this huge tangent about how we’d all prefer if they’d done things gods way and not lived together - this tangent lasted well over 30 minutes and invoked sinners and hell and all sorts. It was incredible!

The second, a couple got married a few months after we did. During our wedding she’s commented to everyone about how lovely everything was, she loved the flowers, and the centre pieces and the song we had as I walked down the aisle and first dance. Imagine my surprise when 3 months later we walked into an almost carbon copy replica! We have the same huge group of friends, everyone knew. Everyone noticed and everyone commented on it. When I managed to catch up with the bride she said she was so inspired by ours she changed everything! Who does that?!!!!

DH's cousin's wedding stands out for me. Seating plan at the ceremony (for everyone not just wedding party), bride came in to professional singer doing "My heart will go on" accompanied by a harpist. Whole row of us thinking of the French and Saunders sketch and trying desperately not to laugh.

Tables named things like "romance" (not envy).

MoG forced by bridezilla to have her makeup done professionally (MoG is immaculate at all times) and then also forced to have hers done first at 7:30 am so no enjoying hotel spa etc.

Whole party including elderly infirm relatives forced to stand around in the grounds for ages watching B&G having photos taken and then included in one group shot before allowed anything to eat or drink.

I felt sorry for the bride at the time because she just looked so stressed that she couldn't enjoy the day. She turned out to be a really nasty piece of work though - attempted to deny her by then stbxh any access to their DC due to his anxiety/OCD and very nearly ended up being held in contempt due to her behaviour during court hearings.

Ooh, I love a good wedding thread.

I went to the weddings of two sisters, a year or so apart. The first one, the father of the bride made a beautiful, emotional speech about the bride, his youngest daughter. The second one, he mentioned the bride once or twice, but broadly repeated the same speech in praise of the same daughter, now the matron of honour. Given many of the guests had attended both weddings, it was very noticeable and awful!

Also went to a very awkward Catholic wedding where the priest decided to make a big, off-the-cuff homophobic speech, while we guests shuffled awkwardly and the bride looked mortified.

But I can't talk. I'm several years divorced now, but during my wedding the priest (from my ex-husband's very conservative religion) refused to tell me what would happen during the ceremony. He knew some of our guests were disabled, but he instructed everyone to remain standing the entire time. Then he made a long speech about how it was my duty to have babies, very soon. I wasn't at my slimmest and was very self-conscious, and everyone thought I must be about to announce a pregnancy!

Ugh, so many bad memories of my wedding, but I can see the funny side now as friends of mine all remember the look of horror that was creeping across my face as he rambled on about my fertile duties!

Father of the bride speech didn't mention the bride at all, only how wonderful the groom is. At least he decided to take out the part where he was going to tell everyone how it is God's commandment that's people must get married...to a room full of single people.

Hang on, go back. What is.." an insanely large Bolivian buffet in the loo.." is this some sort of euphemism @RunningAwaywiththeCircus or a genuine food choice in a questionable location?

I actually googled ‘Bolivian Buffet’ to see if it was something dodgy 🙈🙈🙈

I went to one where the bride was a teacher at the local church school, and a lot of her class had come along to the church to watch. She'd chosen "One More Step Along the World I Go" and "Who Put the Colours in the Rainbow" for her hymns so the children could all join in, which was sweet, if a little assembly-ish.

But then the vicar (who was also the school's vicar) really emphasised a bit about "tender sexual union". He pronounced it "seck-SHOE-al", and said it three or four times. I didn't dare look at the friend I was sitting next to, because I could feel her shaking with laughter. Goodness knows what the children thought he was talking about!

I assumed Bolivian Buffet was cocaine

The BM was a school friend of the groom and thinks he’s some sort of raconteur but really is just an egotistical bar fly at best. He stands up and starts is speech by saying ‘I’ve know Denny- oh, of course YOU ALL know him as Samuel, heh heh heh, Denny is his NICKNAME from school 🙄 that only I know...’ then goes on about how well he knows groom. Then he says ‘I’ve only recently met Emma (bride) so I probably won’t say much about her’ Due to his delivery of this line, most people laughed. Nope: Totally serious. Another 40minutes about how the used to play Dungeons and Dragons together with a few other wedding guests and not a word about the bride! He didn’t even say ‘but she looks beautiful today’ or whatever!!

@HerBigChance of course, doh!!!

Oh and another one where at the engagement party at a working men’s’ club in South Wales the police came due to the amount of drug use (we had left), and then at the wedding the BM’s speech was about how he and the groom could have got the death penalty on the stag do in Thailand because he’s hidden cocaine in his luggage. The grandparents walked out in tears.

@willowmelangell
Hang on, go back. What is.." an insanely large Bolivian buffet in the loo.." is this some sort of euphemism @RunningAwaywiththeCircus or a genuine food choice in a questionable location?

Cocaine...

Oh gosh, I have lived a sheltered life Every day is an education on MN.

The minister at our wedding called my husband "John" throughout the ceremony.

Same thing happened at my Dad’s funeral. Same name, John!

I can only presume they must have a standard order of service sheet - whether official or the vicar's own one. You'd think they'd put XXXXXXX in there, though, instead of an actual name, to avoid confusion. To be honest, it wouldn't be that difficult to print a new one off for each wedding and just 'find and replace' for each couple.

Even worse than that, my DM told me of her Aunt's funeral, where the vicar referred to her as 'he' throughout.

The wedding we went to a few years ago. The grooms parents were divorced but now quite amicable. The best man's speech consisted of tales of drunken nights out with the groom, mentioned the groom's father's 2nd wife (divorced for at least 10 years at that point) and told a hugely insulting joke about the groom's mum which resulted in an almost theatrical stunned gasp around the room.
Other than that it was a lovely wedding!

A family members wedding. The marriage lasted two days. The groom had told the bride their honeymoon to America was all booked and paid for, the bride had to go through a horrible visa process as her abusive ex boyfriend had once called the police on HER! It was a lie, he'd gambled the money away months ago and was knee deep in payday loans. The bouncy castle never arrived to his outrage, later admitted he'd gambled the money for that aswell. The bridesmaid dropped out last minute so the brides sister stepped in. She was a nightmare. She had been asked first but didn't want to be bridesmaid so it wasn't fair to ask the groom's sister to be bridesmaid either apparently. Sister certainly didn't mind all eyes on her on the day! Got plastered, accused the FOG of calling her a count (he didnt, lovely quiet kind man). MOB defended her lying daughter and arguments escalated. She then sat on her dad's lap sobbing and refused to stay the night and got a taxi home. She was 27. Apparently very frosty breakfast the next morning The bride was well out of it though as the groom is a grade A twat...and he's my family member.

At another local wedding I didn't attend but know lots of people who went (small, rural community) a fight broke out between the brides brother and the groom's uncle. Brother was a trained martial artist, punched the uncle and he died brother is still in prison. The couple are still happily married.

@MinnieJackson
So there was a murder at a wedding and the couple are still together. Bloody hell Minnie. That is NOT one of those "it will be an entertaining story to tell in a few years" or is it.

@cstaff no not funny at all I was friends with the daughter of the poor man who died. I believe he got sentenced for manslaughter instead of murder. I often wonder when I see the couple how they can bear to celebrate their anniversary