To ask for your cringey wedding stories?

[thedysontree]

Was at the wedding of my sister's best friend yesterday. The bride sang "Total Eclipse Of The Heart", as she was walking down the aisle. She's a lovely woman but christ she cannot sing (though I think it would have been cringe even if she was Adele). The husband didn't know she was going to sing and seemed very taken aback by her it.

There was also a wedding a few years ago where the couple had their 4 year old stand next to the vicar and try and read out their vows for them. Being 4, he struggled and everybody was waiting awkwardly while the vicar was trying to help him pronounce words.

So, am I being unreasonable to ask for your cringe wedding stories?

We went to a wedding where the father of the bride cleared off to bed as soon as the reception started leaving his wife to make the speech. He wasn’t seen again that evening.
At another wedding the bride’s family were strict Baptist. The preacher gave an extremely long winded hellfire and brimstone sermon. Alcohol free reception, just jugs of lukewarm water to drink and for the toasts.
Last wedding we went to the two families pretty much sat in different rooms after the meal, the very pregnant bride sat at the bar and got plastered. That one didn’t last long thank goodness, the bride was pregnant by the best man we found out later!

I AM SO HAPPY THIS THREAD HAS BEEN RESURRECTED

My wedding. One of my dad's brothers, who is an arsehole, started a fight with my dad's other brother (lovely) because Lovely Brother had been diagnosed with leukaemia and hadn't told him about it.

Friends wedding. She was dreading the best man's speech because he was well known to be a pillock. His speech involved getting members of her family up, put on joke 'Rastafarian' hats (you know, the ones in the colours of the Jamaican flag with dreadlocks) and say things in 'gangster speech' like, "Fo shizzle my nizzle Sarah and James will have the best ma-nizzle (names changed to protect the innocent)." My friend nearly started crying.

Heard this one second hand from my colleague and frankly it makes my blood boil. The groom had stuck "Help me" on the soles of his shoes for the church wedding. So when he knelt at the alter all of the guests saw it.

Loving this thread. Went to a wedding where the bride asked the photographer to do some pictures of just her. She then proceeded to pose provocatively on the stairs in several different poses 😳
No one (including the poor photographer) knew where to look.
They divorced about a year after!

My MIL shagged the bloke who tried it in on with everyone until she said yes (because the wife who was divorcing him was there and we had to have a fucking seating plan for that reason) and snogged him in the bar in full view of her grandchildren and phoned DH the next day to tell him all about it.

Not the worst. Uni friends wedding. It was mostly relatives who attended with only a few friends. However B&G had sorted the playlist for the evening to their taste, lots of 90s indie and rock music. Loads of quite bemused elderly people and the bride was annoyed no one was dancing.
Also the BM decided not to write a speech but to ‘wing it’, he’d also never been to a wedding. So he rambled on for 45 minutes about absolutely bloody nothing while everyone was starving. Unfortunately then the Father of the Bride, the Groom and Father of the Groom also had speeches (FoG felt ‘left out’). Fuck it was boring.

One wedding where the mob who is quite a self important person waited for all the guests to be seated at the ceremony. Then just before bride made her entrance with her df the mob walked up the aisle on her own in her lovely outfit except she had the most obvious vpl I’ve ever seen and my sil stood next to me commented loudly that she could see Ann’s knickers!
When my own dd was getting married I was talking to Ann about going to choose an outfit and who I should take with me for advice. Ann replied that the shop owner gave her an honest opinion on her outfit and that she had been told she would need better underwear. I was very aware of my sil seated nearby when I asked innocently ‘and did you take her advice.’
Apparently she had.

How did this thread not make it into classics?

A relative had their reception in a local working mans club type bar. The hall was massive. There were only about 12 of us sat there (all family), and the dj started playing songs as he was booked, but hardly anyone got up to dance as it was a bit embarrassing. The bride said all her friends were coming on 2 coaches. They never arrived. By 8pm I asked her if the kids could have a sausage roll off the buffet as they were starving. She said she wanted to wait so as her friends saw the buffet. But, they never came. In the end I took the kids over the road to a local chippy. We left at 10.30, it was due to finish at 11pm. When we left there was just a handful of people there. We never found out what happened to her friends.

At my sister's wedding her new fil got up to make a speech. He went on about his son, his brothers, their male friends and how much fun they all had on different occasions. Not once did he mention my sister or even welcome her to the family. At the end he made a toast to the bride and groom which would be fine normally except he never said her name once. I was devastated for her. I never brought it up but I don't know how she could have missed it.

I went to my cousins wedding in the summer of 2018. Not in any way close, hadn't even seen the guy in the better part of 10 years.
He and his new wife were of the happy-clappy type of church, and the whole service was conducted in a converted warehouse, and had no apparent structure. People were encouraged to "feel the spirit" and come to the front to "lay hands on, and pray over" the new couple. Various people went to the front and gave spontaneous prayers, that mostly consisted of "... ummm... yes lord... ummm..."
Then we were told to stand for some hymns. Not any traditional hymns, but some modern ones we didn't know, and didn't have any words provided for. So all of us non-clappies were just standing awkwardly, attempting to hum along.
I mean, I'm all for doing your own thing, but it was quite unlike any wedding I've been to before, or since.

I went to a wedding a few years back where the bride was late for the ceremony. Turns out she’d been drinking all morning and knocked a bottle of champagne back just minutes before the ceremony. She stumbled through the vows and we assumed it was nerves at first. I happened to glance across her way during the photos just as she was vomiting all down her dress. She had to be put to bed straight after the meal!!

They are not still married.

A friends wedding where the father of the groom made a horrendous speech going on to his son did he remember when all the girls used to call him ‘creepy Chris’ as he was so stalkery and such a weirdo And he’s amazed my friend married him when he was always awful with women and they all hated him. Poor guy was lovely but just a bit shy. We were all gobsmacked and cringing for it to be over.

Unfortunately also my own lovely DH wedding speech. I read it afterwards and it was perfect but unfortunately by the time he made it he’d had a few too many and managed to accidentally insult both my parents in front of their many family and friends. It was a nightmare and I cringed the whole way through with my brothers mumbling ‘did he just call dad weird’. He ended up having to apologise the next day as my parents are very sensitive and were very hurt. He genuinely didn’t mean if either as he gets on great with both of them just what he meant to say came out all wrong. How I wish so much he’d just read out what he wrote.

DH's oldest friend, third marriage (we went to all of them), his bride's first. She gave a speech about the many years she'd spent admiring him from afar (aka stalking him), and how constant she was through the ups and downs of his relationships, until he finally saw the light and she "got her man - YAY!". She advised her bridesmaids and single girlfriends to persevere, then maybe they'd "catch a man like her DH, if they were lucky". Dear God, it was cringeful. And they released doves. For the photos she bent down at the back of the vintage car, pretending to push it whilst DH sat in the front pretending to drive it.
They are still married, very happily I believe.

I didn't think I had any but then I remembered the one where the groom had arranged for about 40 guests (and himself) to do a "flash mob" dance to My Life Would Suck Without You

Went to a wedding where the reception was held in a large hotel that had several function suites. There were three wedding receptions going on at the same time. The toilets were is the middle, shared between all three suites.

I was in the loo and heard a commotion. Came out to find the brides from the other 2 weddings squaring up to each other at the sinks. They were both wearing the exact same, very distinctive dress, and were arguing over who looked best. (Tbh, it was a ghastly dress and it suited neither of them). Then one of their mothers and both lots of bridesmaids (who were wearing similar colours to each over), came in and got involved. One bride slapped the other, the bridesmaids got laid into each other, full-on fight ensued. It was amazing in a car crash sort of way.

That was the point I decided that if I ever got married I’d have a venue that could only accommodate one wedding at a time!

A simple register office my OH whispered to me " Fucking horrible outfit".

Wedding of an Evangelical Christian friend. I didn't get along very well with his fiancée and there had been a bit of a spat before the wedding of "it's either her or me" (she said this). After the service, the bride wanted to make her own speech, fair enough. The climax of the speech went something like this.
"I am so happy that Jonathan and I have been brought together before God and that he has been saved from corruptive influences..." Points at my table. I wave. Woman next to me, also very religious and friend of both bride and groom, starts crying. Tells the room at large that she "has repented and that the sin was never again repeated". After a lot of confusion, it transpires that she and the groom had had a brief fling and, despite repenting, she was still very much pregnant.

Chaos ensues. Both families screaming at each other, having put aside the respectable Christian fronts to call everybody else a twat. Bride's mother tells the groom that it is truly disgusting, him having sex with two women at the same time (not together, obviously). Groom, perhaps unwisely, points out that, in accordance with Christian tradition, he'd not yet had sex with the bride.
Bride's mother: "Don't, give me that, she's already told me she's pregnant, you just couldn't wait, could you?!" Groom looks very confused.

So both the bride and her friend are about four months pregnant. Bride's friend was having sex with the groom. Bride was having sex with what turned out to be several of the groomsmen. Bride and groom have gone no further than hand holding. The wedding buffet was really great, actually. They are still married but she has, at least, never again referred to me as a corruptive influence.

I realise that that possibly wasn't "cringey" and is more a car crash of adultery, hatred and very angry parents wrapped up in a VERY expensive wedding.

After photos, DH and I decided to go to our suite for a little time alone - during this, his mother was banging on the door asking to show aunts and uncles around our suite!!! She even knew we were both in there, as she called for my DH to answer the door! Idiot!

I didn’t witness this, but a friend attended a huge fancy wedding where the bride and groom split up at the end of the reception! They got the whole thing annulled.
He was Greek with a big Greek family and she was British. Apparently the couple started arguing as his family felt she wasn’t being respectful as she’d asked if the music could be changed from traditional Greek music for the last half hour, to something that everyone could dance to. He ended up snatching her ring back & they split up there & then.

Fucking hell!

Many years ago, now ex BIL married quite possibly the most chavvish girl from an equally vile family.
Dublin was the venue for the hen weekend, one of the bridesmaids arrived at the airport with absolutely no luggage, for a 3 day weekend, stating "I'll just use anyone's toothbrush" then during the flight they kept mentioning "the hostel" (I assumed they meant hotel) nope, it was a full blown bunk bed hostel.
Topped off with a vodka fuelled fist fight, the following week at the wedding, the bride and her maids all had massive shiners, and the brides mother had her broken jaw wired shut.
Astonishingly they used to reminisce about how great it was 😳

After photos, DH and I decided to go to our suite for a little time alone - during this, his mother was banging on the door asking to show aunts and uncles around our suite!!! She even knew we were both in there, as she called for my DH to answer the door! Idiot!

you didn't feel the need to mingle with your guests, chat to people, have a conversation and a drink....... you wanted "alone time" at a wedding you were hosting.

Awaits a poster saying we went to a wedding the bride and groom pissed off to their suite after the very boring photos and left us all to it!